Playing Dangerous

XIX

Silas's POV...

Next morning I wake up with Tate on my chest, silently cooing like a baby.

Her soft features... small nose and almond shaped eyes with little dark eye-bags, red lips and rose cheeks, her cheekbones are high but those cheeks are still beautiful and soft.

Oh my god! This couldn't feel any more wrong, but... but somehow it also feels right. She's sleeping on my fucking chest because I fucked her and told her I wasn't regretting any of it, which is true. But Jesus Christ, she's the wrong person, she's not the one, she cannot be and I can't be so damn into this shit.

My heart is racing so damn fast.

If you ask me what I want right now, I would say that I want to stay here forever with her, I want this moment to never end, I want her to sleep on my chest like this forever so I can protect and worship her. I want to be her best friend, I want to laugh with her, but most of all I want to give her everything she deserves, I want to lay whole world under her feet.

She's so beautiful and so good.

No, no, Silas. This is wrong. I'm not regretting anything but this... this is too far. Sleeping together after sex? We're getting too comfortable with each other.

I'm making mistake because... What the worst is I enjoy this thing and if, I mean if, we're meant to be together, how can I explain why I knocked on her door last night? How can I explain that I had nowhere else to go? How can I explain the fact that I murdered someone and in agony all I could think of was her, so I knocked on her door. It's an absurd. And I can never make her understand what I did and why.

Last night I missed a few parts of the story. Full story is about the murderous and abusive family. Family who did horrible things to get the power. Now I do the same, I have to.

I killed one bastard named Morgan last night. He was threatening my friend Barney who's even more asshole. Barney "borrowed" money from him to start his own business. He failed miserably. And that money was wasted. Morgan started threatening him, spoke about starting shooting in the school, and he would if he wasn't stopped. Barney had a quick visit in my dorm last night and he was terribly beaten. Not that he didn't deserve it, but things were going intense. He swore Morgan was going to attack the school if we didn't pay him back. Half a million might not be anything for our parents but it's a lot for us alone. We couldn't pay him back so I had to do a dirty job as always.

He wasn't the first man I've killed, he's in fact fourteenth. I've been doing killing discreetly since I was twelve. My father taught me how.

First time I couldn't kill a simple man who worked at the gas station so he left me in the woods by myself. He told me that I should be cold-hearted and to achieve that I must kill somebody. I've seen horrible days, so the conclusion was that I should just obey him and things would start going easier. Taking someone's life isn't hard, bearing the fact that you did it is hard.

I never thought I was capable of doing that, I've always been a "sensitive brother", but he made sure I've got used to it. My father was sure that if Connor, my brother, was here, he would be unstoppable. If he were to come to the age by our father's side he would become the perfect heir my parent never shuts up about. I was mama's boy, they called me like that, but my mother slipped away from me when Connor went missing. She went mad, a mad doctor who accidentally killed patient during operation due to the trauma of losing her child.