My memoir as a monster

The beginning of it all

When I was a kid my life wasn't always as dark as it is now. When I started first grade however things started to go down south. To start strong I had pretty much no friends whatsoever and everyone thought I was an ugly freak. That wasn't very good to feel. I was targeted and was always getting made fun of for how I looked and how I dressed. People even laughed at my singing and it hurt a lot. At first I blew it off thinking it'd stop but it didn't it only got worse.

The people in my class started to fat shame me and call me very mean names as well. They'd call me dumb, stupid, freak, and many more but I also got physically bullied too. People would trip me on purpose, push me to the ground, and even one time one boy through a basketball at my face and I hit my head on the cold cement and the teachers didn't do anything. The teachers never did anything why would they.

Not only that but the 4th graders started going around rating the first grade girls based on how pretty they were. I won't lie that made me very uncomfortable to think an older person had their eyes on me seeing if I was pretty was scary. I felt like I had to try harder to fit in so I would impress the older kids at the time. So I tried to improve my posture and I calmed down on my energy. Then guess what happened my rating sky rocketed. I was at a 4 at first but then I was at an 8.

However, my mom found out about it and she told me to stop forcing myself into a shape that wasn't me. Sadly I didn't listen to her because when I did that people talked to me. What I didn't know though is that this was gonna turn into a lunchbox friends situation. Let's say being popular isn't always great. It can actually be very toxic. Take you away from your real friends.

One day at recess I was hanging out with my two friends and the one popular girl asked me to play with her. Since she was popular I wanted to say yes but I also wanted to play with my two other friends I had for months. Did I make the right choice? No I didn't I said yes to the popular girls offer but that was the biggest stupidest mistake I could've done. From my lovely decision I made one of my friends cry and I was guilt struck. The popular girls said to ignore it and I ignored them this time going to apologize. Though my friends were pissed at me and I couldn't blame them after that I was alone at recess and from that day I stayed in the corner. Hopefully trying not to be a burden again.

That situation still haunts my mind to this day. Luckily my friends forgave me but that incident changed my behavior and trust process immensely. I was only 6 and I was already acting like a teenager because I had to force a mature attitude because everyone was out to get me. I couldn't let that happen. Though little did I know the hellish ride was only getting started. I was in for a lot of torment and tears.

One day in gym class we bought out the parachute and for everyone else that thing is a favorite but for me I hated it. That thing was a traumatic experience and I hate even looking at one. We had a activity when each kid would grab a handle and we'd run in a circle spinning the parachute thing around. Though I can't run very fast and I couldn't keep up so I lost my grip and I fell to the floor really hard the kids laughed at me and I started crying. I wanted to just leave and get the fuck out of there. My arm hurt a lot and sadly the teacher made me try again but the same thing happened. At that point I was pissed the fuck off.