Anyone but you (Fermín López)

Chapter 19

Barça had a day off which was used to go to the therapy session as a family. Victoria had asked both of her parents to be there with her. She felt they needed to really understand her and maybe the therapist could help. She knew she also needed to understand herself better too. 

"Let's start from the beginning. How was your upbringing?"

"Good", said Victoria. "I mean, I had everything I could ask for".

"Not what I asked. Were you a happy kid?"

"Yes, I was. My parents were always there for me and I had a lot of friends and cousins I could play with. School was fine too for the most part".

"What part wasn't as good?"

Victoria looked at her dad, knowing this was going to hurt. "Some people made fun of me because of my family".

And she was right. Oscar stared at her confused by that confession. She had never told them that. Never complained. And why would she be bullied because of her family?

"You know who my uncle is", told Victoria to the therapist, who nodded. "So those who were Barça fans tried to get closer to me to meet him. And those who weren't insulted me".

"Vicky...", started her dad. Why did she never tell him?

"It's fine. I didn't care much. I knew it was all jealousy".

"It can still hurt you, Victoria. You're allowed to be hurt by that".

"It didn't hurt me", she insisted, refusing to accept what the therapist said.

Then she moved to talking about her teenage years and it was more of the same. It was all fine, she was fine, everything was fine, ...

"Victoria. I need to be honest with you. You keep telling me about how everything was fine but then add small things that weren't. And just because those are small things, it doesn't mean they don't matter".

"But I shouldn't complain".

"Why?" asked her the therapist, knowing he was getting to the big answer.

"Because I have everything. Mum and dad love me and we have money. And my uncle has even more money. I've been spoiled my whole life...".

"Money doesn't buy happiness".

"It doesn't make you unhappy either".

"It actually can make people very unhappy. It can ruin their lives".

Victoria felt more uncomfortable. She didn't like talking about that. She never had.

"Have you always felt guilty about that? About having money? Because it doesn't mean you don't have feelings".

"I guess...".

"Victoria, you've been bottling up your feelings your whole life. You say you threw tantrums but the reasons for them are small things. Not the big stuff that keeps stuck inside of you, making you feel worse every day".

"Until now, right?"

"Until now", agreed the therapist. "Losing your boyfriend was too much for you. But it wasn't the only thing that made the depression show up more. It was everything that had been growing inside of you and making you less prepared for a big blow like this one".

Her parents kept looking at Victoria and her reactions to what the therapist said. She was making herself small when they started talking but seemed to grow more confident the more they talked.

"How much do you hate your father?"

Victoria opened her eyes widely and looked at her dad. How was she supposed to answer that question in front of him?