sturniolo/nate imagines

⚠️ED⚠️gone-Nate

Y/N POV

Nates on tour with the triplets right now. I'm happy that he's happy. It looks like so much fun. I love hearing all the stories when we face time.
But a downside is a lot of fans have met him and noticed him. Which he loves. But when people find out he has a girlfriend, they aren't so nice. I've been getting so many DMs saying I don't deserve him, and he's too good for me.
But the ones that really hurt were the ones about my weight. I've struggled with eating disorders in the past. Nate was there to help. The latest around a year ago, I thought I was completely better. I haven't even thought about starving for so long, months. But they said so much, and it's all true. I'm so big. How does anyone stand to look at me?
I have to. I can't look like this. He left a week ago. So I have 7 weeks to do it. He won't notice through facetime.

"Y/N!" He cheered.
"Hey baby," I smiled.
"What ya doing?" He asked, laying in his bed.
"I'm gonna go to the gym." I said, putting my shoes on.
"Why?" He asked, sounding confused and slightly worried. Fuck. I shouldn't have told him.
"Um, I feel weak lately." I said, coming up with an excuse.
"I was carrying some books, and they were like super heavy. I need to build some muscle." I said, flexing. That's a lie. The last thing I need is to get bigger.
He looked relieved.
"Ok, gets them gains." He giggled.
"So what you doing?"

(Time skip)

I haven't eaten in 3 weeks. I feel good. I forgot how it felt. I've lost 20 lbs. It's great. I go to the gym almost every day too. I mostly run.
"Y/N?" Nate said we were facetimeing again. I just got some water.
"Ya?" I replied.
"What'd you eat today?" He asked. Shit. He must've noticed when I got up.
It really is working.
"Um, I had spaghetti for lunch and some  gold fish for dinner." I said, pretending to think back.
"Ok," he said with an unreadable expression.
"But gold fish isn't a meal. You should eat something else." He said. What do I do? If I don't, he's gonna know. But I can't.
"Um, I don't wanna eat before bed." I said, trying my best not to seem like I'm  thinking about it.

(Time skip)

Nate comes home in 2 weeks. I'm really excited to see him, but he's gonna know. Maybe he won't. I'm still big, so he probably won't. But he'll see I'm not eating.
"Y/N, guess what?" He said happily as I answered.
"What?"
"There's no show today, and I'm staying in the room all day to talk to you."
"All day?" I asked happily.
"Now till bedtime."
"Yay!" This is great, I've been missing him a lot lately.
It was great until lunchtime.
"I'm gonna door dash something. What are you gonna have?" He asked.
"Um, I think I'll make something." Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What do I do? He's gonna watch for me to eat.
What do I have with low calories? I checked my cupboard. Mac and cheese? I don't have anything better. I made it and got myself a bowl as he was retrieving his food.
"Cheers," he took a bite. I looked at the spoon. I can do this. I slowly brought the spoon to my mouth. I can already feel the weight I'm gaining.
I ate a bite and then threw a spoonful away off camera, as we talked. After a while, the bowl was empty. I wanna cry. Why did I do that? I just ruined all my progress.
I kept my emotions down and acted normal. Until diner. I already ate so much today.
I can throw it up.
Perfect.
I ate my food slowly, talking and laughing with him.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." I said as I finished. I muted myself just in case and went to the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet. I stuck my fingers down my throat until I gaged.
Keep going.
I did it again until I threw up. It wasn't that hard, I was already nauseous. I made sure I got it all out and flushed, then washed my hands.

(Time skip)

Nate's coming home today. Im excited and scared. If he notices he's gonna make me stop.
I heard the door shut downstairs. I got up and went as fast as I could without getting dizzy.
"Nate!" I cheered, pulling his into a hug.
"Hey love," he held me tightly. I wish he didn't. I wore an oversized hoodie, but he's holding me too tight.
"Y/N-" I cut him off with a kiss. He returned it but placed his hands on my waist. Fuck.
"Y/N," he sighed as we pulled away.
"I know," I frowned.
"Can we just have a couple minutes?" I asked. He nodded. We hugged for a while in silence.
"Come on. We gotta talk." He pulled away, taking me to our room.
"When did you start?" He asked, holding my hands as we sat in bed.
"Like a week after you left." I said, not looking at him.
"Y/N, this is bad." He said, sounding worried. I shrugged.
"Can you take the hoodie off?" I reluctantly complied and took it off.
I was wearing a crop top underneath. It used to be form fitting, but it was now loose. A small gasp left his lips.
"How much weight have you lost?" He asked, staring at my body.
"Um, 47, pounds." I admitted, playing with my hands. I glanced at him and saw tears welling in his eyes.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"You don't need to be sorry. Just let me help you." He looked desperate.
"It's not that bad?" I asked. "Right?"
"Honey, I can see your ribs." I looked down at myself. I don't feel proud anymore. It's not good. I just don't know how to stop.
"Can you please eat something?" He begged. I nodded.
"Let's go." He took me to the kitchen. He made some food and gave it to me.
"You can do it." He assured me. I slowly took one bite at a time.
"I can't do anymore." I pushed it away. I ate half.
"It's ok. You did amazing. We'll do more tomorrow." He kissed my forehead and took me to bed.

(Time skip)

I stepped on the scale and slowly looked down.
136.
I did it! I gained it back.
"Nate!"
"What?" He asked, waiting for me on the bed.
"I gained it all back." A wide smile grew on his face.
"Good job baby," he pulled me into a hug.
"I'm so proud of you." He spoke into my hair.
"Let's celebrate." He said, pulling away.
"McDonald's?"
"Yes,"
I don't feel guilty anymore. This is good. But if it ever doesn't feel good. Nate will be there to help.