sturniolo/nate imagines

⚠️sh⚠️brownies-Nate

Y/N POV

I peeled off the face mask as I heard something from the kitchen. It's Sunday night, I always stay home on Sunday nights. It's me time. Sometimes my me time includes nate, but we always do something relaxing. I like to be calm before starting another week. I was alone this Sunday and extremely confused about the noise in my home. I climbed out of bed, creeping to out and poking my head around the corner.
I saw nate putting something in the oven.
"Hi," he smiled as he saw me.
"What are you doing?" I questioned.
"Making brownies." He said excitedly.
"Why?"
"Because you love brownies." He shrugged. I saw his smile wavor as his eyes moved down my body. I followed his gaze and realized.
I'm wearing my home alone pajamas. My scars are on full display, red and white lines spread on my thighs and chest.
I stared at the floor nervously. Does he think im a freak? There was a loud silence spread between us.
I've never uttered a word about my past self-harm problems. I haven't done it since I met him. He brought me so much happiness and pulled me out of my darkness without even knowing it. I love him so much it hurts. I didn't want his feelings to change about me, because I want him to love me how I love him. This would get in the way.
I had gone to far lengths to keep it from him. Nothing low-cut, nothing too short on my legs, makeup on the wrist every morning. Luckily, that was still on. I told him I was waiting till marriage. When we go swimming I have a long sleaved swim shirt and long shorts. I always said I didn't want to get burnt - I am very pale. But this was suspicious to him. He always ignored that I liked to stay covered up, but after a while, he asked me how i felt about my body. He thought I was just insecure. I was, not because of my body, but rather what I did to it. They're the ugliest things I've ever seen. They've ruined my life. i can't do what I wanna do, or wear what I wanna wear.
And it's entirely my fault. I did it myself. When we go out, I see these girls in their little dresses, showing off their cleavage, feeling free. I want to be like that. I wonder if nate wants me to be like that. He could have someone better, someone not damaged. I'm damaged, and he doesn't even know it.
I can't stand to look at them for too long. That's why I started on my chest in the first place. I couldn't see it unless I looked in the mirror. I've tried countless creams and routines. They don't work. I'm stuck with them.
Nate never knew until now. I'm wearing short shorts and a tank top, it's really hot outside and I wasn't expecting anyone.
Nate walked closer to me. I want to run away. He can't know. But now he does.
"Is-is this why you're always covered up?" He asked me. I nodded, not meeting his eyes.
"Did you do this to yourself?"
"Um, ya." I admitted nervously.
"Why wouldn't you tell me?" He seemed hurt.
"I, uh, I really didn't want you to know." I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes.
"Why not, baby? Do you not trust me?" He took my face in his hands, wiping my tears.
"I trust you. But, I just. I wanted to keep this in the past." I explained.
"Love, you can't just leave this in the past. This is something that you need to tell me."
"I'm sorry,"
"No. Don't be sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't have been there for you." He pulled me into him, holding me tightly.
"Do you wanna tell me why?"
"No,"
"That's ok. But you need to promise that if you ever feel like you need to again, you talk to me."
"I promise," I sniffed.
"Thank you." He pulled away and wiped my eyes.
"Do you still love me?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course I still love you. I will always love you." He said firmly.
"You don't think I'm gross?"
"No. You're perfect and beautiful."
"Ok,"
"Now, how about some brownies?" He questioned, I nodded. Nothing changed. Everything's still great.