sturniolo/nate imagines

⚠️attempted suicide⚠️love-Nate

Nate POV

Y/N wasn't at school today. Im not surprised. Last night, she said she wanted to cry but didn't know how.
I hate when she feels bad, and she always tries to hide it and push her feelings away. But I think that makes it worse.
She's been clean from SH for 3 months. I wanted to go over to celebrate, but she didn't answer my text. So I went over anyway. I knocked on the door, and no one answered. I guess she's home alone. I went inside and headed to her room. Her door was closed, I opened it and my heart shattered. She was sobbing on the floor, blade in her skin, opening her wrists.
I ran over and prayed the blade from her fingers.
"No!" She sobbed.
"No! Please!" She begged, trying to take it back. I threw it across the room, holding her in place.
"Please! I just wanna die!" She screamed, trying to break free.
"Let me do it! I wanna die!"
"Y/N, please." I pleaded, tears streaming down my face.
"No! No! No! Just kill me! Please! Kill me!" I pinned her arms to her slide, trying to keep her still.
"Stop, please." It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my body.
"Let go!" She yelled, thrashing around.
"Let me go!"
"I can't until you stop." I said, trying to stay calm.
"Let me die! I wanna die!" A pained sob left my lips.
"Give it back! I need it!" She continued trying to break free. Eventually, she gave up, and I slowly released her arms, pulling her to me. She gripped my shirt tightly, sobbing into my shoulder.
"It's not gonna work." She cried, muffled by my shirt. I felt wet through my shirt and realized her wrists were still bleeding.
"Y/N," I called loosening my grip.
"Y/N, we have to stop the bleeding." I said, pulling away. She let go, and I carefully grabbed her arms, facing the upward. The cuts were deep, going vertically down her arm, spilling blood. I pulled off my shirt, pressing it against them.
"I'm sorry," I apologized as she winced.
We sat like this for about 10 minutes, I was still trying to process everything. I pulled the shirt away, the bleeding had almost stopped. Tears were still falling from her eyes, but she had stopped sobbing.
"Come on," I spoke softly, helping her up. We went to the bathroom, and I washed off all the blood and wrapped up the wounds. I took her back to her room, placed her in bed, and kissed her forehead.
I cleaned the little puddles of blood and retrieved the blade from where I threw it. I flushed it all so her family won't see the blood, and so she can't get the blade again.
"Do you have any more?" I asked, caressing her face.
"No." She was lying.
"Y/N please." She reluctantly nodded.
"Where?"
"B-but,"
"Where?" I asked more firmly. She reached onto a space between her mattress and bed frame, pulling out a band-aid tin. She handed it to me, I opened it and found a small box of blades mixed in with the miscellaneous bandages. I took it.
"Is there anymore?" She shook her head. I got rid of the blades, then climbed into bed next to her.
"Why?" I asked, tears resurfaceing, I could have lost her.
"I don't really know. I just need it all to stop." I placed my hand under her shirt, scratching her back lightly, urging her to continue.
"I just get to into my head, and it's like all I can hear is die, die, die. I don't know how to stop everything, I just wanna take the easy way out." She took a breath, cuddling into me.
"Everything's too much. I try to ignore it and push it back. But that makes it worse when I can't keep it in anymore.
If I do let it out, and I talk to you and try to keep up with everything, then I feel numb. I start moving through my days like a zombie, and nothing feels real.
It's an endless cycle, and I just want out." I wiped the tears that poured out of my eyes. How can such a beautiful soul be put through so much pain.

(Time skip)

"I'm going to Y/Ns." I called opening the door.
"Wait." My mom stopped me.
"What?" I asked, turning to her.
"You've barely been home 10 minutes. Do you always have to be with her?"
"Yes," I said, reaching for the door.
"Hey, we're not done." I sighed.
"You have been spending all your free time with this girl."
"Say her name. We've been together for 2 years, you've met her a million times. I hate when you call her this girl."
"Ok, you've been spending all your time with Y/N. I don't get to see my own son anymore."
"Well you would, but you said not to bring her over so much. So I'm going there."
"You practically live there. You even sleep there most nights."
"I would sleep there all nights, but you force me to come home."
"Yes, I do, because you don't need to be with her at all times."
"Ya know I'd come home more if I could bring her."
"No."
"Why? She's polite, she cleans up after herself, she never said anything bad, yet you still don't like her." She just shook her head.
"Can I go now?"
"No. You're not going."
"Why?"
"It's not healthy to be with someone that much."
"No. Mom, I have to. I can't leave her alone."
"I know! you're obsessed with her. You need to spend some time apart. And I'm sure her family's getting sick of you too."
"No, their not. Because they know we make each other happy, and they actually want her happy."
"I want you to be happy! I don't want you to be dependent on a stupid high school girlfriend who's gonna break your heart."
"She's not a stupid high school girlfriend! And I'm not obsessed with her, I love her! Maybe you don't know what that looks like, cause you only got married because you were pregnant."
"Nathan!"
"What! It's not my fault you're sad you missed your teenage years, because you got pregnant by a man who wasn't even your boyfriend."
I've never spoken to my mother like this. But the way she was talking about Y/N, and trying to stop me from keeping her safe. I guess it's not her fault. She doesn't know why I can't leave her alone, but if I do, I might never see her again.
"That is enough! You're grounded for 2 weeks! Go to your room!" I sighed and walked to my room. I'm not staying here, I packed a bag.
"Where do you think you're going?" She asked as I walked to the door.
"To stay at Y/Ns for two weeks. Since I practacly live there, that's my room."
"No! You live here!"
"This may be my house, but it is not my home." I said, walking out the door. I drove to Y/Ns trying not to cry.
"Hey nate." Y/Ns mom greeted me as I walked in. I don't knock anymore.
"Hey. Um, do you think I could stay here for like, two weeks?" I asked,
"Of course, if Y/N wants you to." She smiled.
"Ok, thank you." I smiled back.
"But no skipping scool." I nodded, going to Y/Ns room.
"Nate." She cheered, climbed out of bed, and pulling me into a hug. I returned it gratefully, holding her tightly. I couldn't help letting a few tears slip out.
"Hey, what's wrong?" She asked as she heard me sniff.
"I got into a fight with my mom." She led me to the bed and layed down. I layed on her, resting my head on her chest. Her fingers running through my hair, knowing it calms me down.
"She said I spend too much time with you." I admitted.
"She doesn't want me to come over so much, but I want to, so it just escalated, and I said stuff about her and dad, and how they only got married because she was pregnant."
"Did she get mad?"
"Well ya, but she made me mad first. She called you a stupid high school girlfriend and said I was obsessed with you."
"I don't think so. I think when you really love and trust someone, you want to be with them. If she doesn't understand, it's not your fault."
"I guess. But she wouldn't be with dad if I wasn't born. She's trapped in a marriage she hates because of me."
"No. It is fully her choice to stay with him. Even if people are telling her not to, she could get divorced if she really isn't happy with him."
"But she feels like she needs to because of me."
"If she didn't get pregnant, what do you think would have happened?"
"She'd probably be married to someone else, having his kids.
"What if she chose your dad? If she didn't  get pregnant, maybe they would have continued dating, become a couple, and got married. You just would have been born later. Maybe everything worked out perfectly, and you just sped up the process."
"Maybe, I guess they do get along pretty well. I kinda just wish they knew they loved each other before I came."
"I don't because if you were a 7th grader, I would not date you." I laughed, I guess everything is good. If it went any differently, I might not be here, in her arms.
"You're not gonna break my heart, right?" I asked, remembering what my mom said.
"I wouldn't even dream of it." There's a softness in her voice that I love. I love every inch of her.
"I'm also grounded for 2 weeks. So can I stay here?"
"You're grounded to my house? I thought she didn't want you here."
"She doesn't, but she said I practacly live here, so it counts, and I don't want to be there for 2 weeks straight."
"Ok. And hey, you only have one quarter left, then we can go of to college and you don't have to be around her anymore, only on holidays." 
"Will you come with me?"
"Ya," she nodded, I placed little kisses on her neck, then left a small hickey. I smiled at my work.
"Did you leave a mark?" She asked, reading my expression.
"No." I lied, trying to sound convincing.
"Nate, we have school tomorrow, I'm gonna have to cover it." She sighed, sencing my lie.
"Well, since you're already covering that one." I said, moving my mouth back to her neck.
"Nate," she pushed me away.
"Fine," I layed head back on her chest, breathing in her sent.
I didn't know I could love someone this much.