Love, How does it feel?

• 9

Shruti

"No, I will come tomorrow." I uttered while, Rishita and Swetha were on a face time with me, while, my mother fed me parathas, gobi fry and masala aloo.

"You are lucky, girl!" Swetha pouted as my mother laughed at her. It's been three days, I have been enjoying my stay at home.

"Both of you come over to our place this afternoon, I will arrange a little feast for you foodies." My mother spoke as I chewed the little bites she fed me.

The pain was bearable now. The bandages wrapped on my head were discarded last evening, replaced by a small cloth tape. The wounds on my palm were now drying up fast owing to the antibiotics and painkillers.

We wrapped up our talks while I finished eating as our maid, cleaned the dishes and Maa braided my hair.

"Can I ask you something?" I heard her ask as I nodded, being in bliss after a good head massage.

"The afternoon you left home eight months back, you said, you don't believe in love and marriages. Am I the reason?" She uttered, a little perturbed.

"Yes but, not just you. Basically, everyone around me. You are just a part of that crowd, who impacted me the most, Maa." I whispered, reminiscing how tormented I was at those days of lows of our family.

Being the elder one never felt worse than that period of life!

"It's too easy to judge without knowing other people's situations, Shruti. But, I don't blame you because you were too young to understand it on your own and not hold resentment towards me." She sighed with a pained smile.

"Even if I tell you now, I know you still won't get me because though your understanding of the world has shaped up well, your stubborn nature hasn't. Even if you could, you won't try to." She shook her head as she tied the end of my braid in a black scrunchie.

I closed my eyes to ward off those flashes of the past. Slowly turning to her, I held her palm as my stubborn heart wished to make peace with my own life. I wanted to believe that knowing her side of the story would ease my heart off my sufferings and resentments too.

"Tell me, Maa. Tell me your side of the story to me. I promise, I won't judge and try my best to understand you better. Maybe, ease my opinions about marriages too." I expressed, exhaling a deep breath in a slow pace to gain courage and patience.

"I was seventeen, when I married your father out of love. Our families were against our love, hence, we had decided to elope but, my brother tried to ease the situation for my happiness. He never wanted me to be homeless as your father was still preparing for government jobs. Vishesh, my brother, married your father's sister, who was his friend to divert our families and take all the anger towards him. Soon, it happened too. The whole family humiliated him but, within two weeks, upon my brother's assistance they agreed for my marriage with your father." She spoke, reminiscing those days.

"I never knew, Sreema aunt is my paternal side aunt too." I muttered as she nodded.

"We got married. We had two beautiful girls; you and Anu by the time I turned 20. I had done my bachelor's in arts and I wished to pursue my master's and even, PhD in psychology. But, your father extinguished those wishes of mine making me aware of our financial situation. Your father cracked the government job in the revenue office as an income tax officer in his fourth attempt. In a few years as you both grew up, we were improving financially. You both went to school, we had maids at home so, I had nothing to do. So, I told your father again to let me pursue higher studies, but, he dismissed my request saying it wasn't necessary. I let go of that wish and made peace with life because I loved him, but, I didn't know I was carrying lots of resentment towards him in my heart somewhere. When you turned twelve, he got transferred to another district, when life gave me a reality check."