𝓘 𝓦𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓘 𝓦𝓪𝓼 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓖𝓲𝓻𝓵 | cillian murphy fanfic

ix. this is how to dissapear

"John met me down on the boulevard
Cried on his shoulder 'cause life is hard
The waves came in over my head
What you been up to, my baby?
Haven't seen you 'round here lately
All of the guys tell me lies, but you don't
You just crack another beer
And pretend that you're still here
This is how to disappear
This is how to disappear"

3 months later

After that, things were fucking WILD on set, but really, when I mean wild, they really were.

After that, I realized that I wanted Cillian.
I didn't realized how much I love him until he started not even talking to me.

"Cillian, please, talk to me, I love you" I say, sobbing.
He's just ignoring me.
"I fucked up, I know that, but Jesus!"

Flashback.

We were on a party smoking weed with Jeremy.
He had his hand on my thigh.

"jeremy, I- I dont want to smoke amymore".
"what do you mean? Do you wanna embarass me in front of everyone?" He says.

"Hm? No! I just dont feel w-"
Then I feel his hand being smashed on my cheek.
The fuck?

I started crying, mascara running down my eyes and face.
"This is enough" I thought.

I get out of the party, get in my car and started riding.
I'm sick of this whole thing.
I'm sick of not eating to stay skinny.
I'm sick of doing anything for him.
I'm sick of crying all night long.

My phone starts ringing, his name on my screen.
"Jennie, baby, I'm so sorry, it wasn't my intent-"
"You know what, Jeremy? Do me a favour and stop talking to me.
Since I met you my life is a mess, I'm high all the time, my grades are falling, my dad doesn't want me, I'm sixck of this bullshit".

My breath becomes heavier and I look at the pills in the back of my car.
There's any type of drugs, even heroin.

"Goodbye forever, Jeremy".

(End of flashback).

I was on a dark street.
What can I do now? Not even the person I loved the most wants me now.
"Woah, isn't that Jennie Stern?" Some guy says.

Shit.
"Who the fuck is she?" I say, grabbing my wallet, ready to pay for the drugs.
"Nevermind, she's not her" the guy whispers.

"Gentlemen" I say as a way of goodbye, leaving the street, getting high.
My body freezes as I see Cillian two inches away looking right at me.
Damn!

"Jennie?" He asks loudly, grabbing the bag of cocaine and throwing it into the trash.
shit.
I start feeling bad, shaking, probably the heroin did her effect.

"Shit! Jennie!"

...

I wake up in the hospital, Cillian sitting next to me.
"She's awake" he speaks loudly so the doctors could hear.

2 hours later

"Cill, the doctor said tomorrow I'll be able to get out of here" I say softly, brushing my arm with his.

"Jennie- fuck.." he looks frustated.
"Why did you do that?" He asks softly.
"I'm just.. look, I already told you all my past, a-and that's just past, right? But I can loose you, I mean- damn it, I love you".

He looks at me with those lovely eyes, like the first time.
"Would you forgive me, please?" I say

And then, suddenly, I feel happy again, his arms are around my waist and his head against my shoulder.
"Mhm, of course I do".

"Can we try again?" I ask, feeling his warm hand rubbing my back felt SO fucking good.
"I guess we can" he says, chuckling.
"God, I missed you".

I knew it was wrong I'm beyond it, I tried to be strong.. but I lost it.
What can I say? He's so fucking handsome.

After that, he walked me home, doctors said I'm perfectly fine, I really don't know how they didn't send me to jail after buying all that heroin.

"Wanna ride?" Cillian says, opening the door of his car for me like he always do, in a world of boys he's a gentlemen.

"Okay, here we are" Cillian mumbles as we arrive to the hotel.
Shit.
I'm totally fucked up.
I wanna be with him all day.
All night.
All eternity.

He opens the door of his car for me again.
As we're in front of the door of my house, tears start running down my cheeks.
He doesn't speak.
Neither I do.
He knows what to do, he has seen me collapse so many fucking times.
He holds me in his arms, as I bury my face in the crook of his neck, smelling his lovely perfume.

"Is that the perfume I bought you 7 years ago?" I ask between sobs.
"Yes, Jen, it is" he whispers.
He limits himself to just let me cry in his shoulder and rub my back with his right arm, while his left hand is wiping my tears (with mascara on) off.

"Princess, do you wanna go inside your house?" Cillian asks softly.
"Yes" I say.

...

A few hours later, we're both in my sofa drinking a mug of tea.
He got me warm clothes and washed my messy face, and it made my heart beat fucking faster.
"Thank you, Cill, thank you for all of this, I'm so sorry for taking drugs, I-"
Before I keep crying and talking, he interrups me by gently kissing me.
But it wasn't like the last time, this time was so sweet.

His kiss felt like cinammon in my lips, softly moving inside my mouth.
We stay like that for a couple of minutes, the kiss never felt like anything less or more than a pure kiss. A innocently, angelic, soft and warm pure kiss.

"I love you, Jennie, I don't want you to hurt yourself in any way, and I would kill, I would die, I would do anything to keep you safe.. and sane" he whispers to me, looking me in my eyes, no one ever saw me so vunerable like that, so broken down.

No one ever saw my soul like he has, completely naked, completely pure, completely true.
He could see through me completely easily, he made it look much easier than anything in the world, he made my life look like a work of pure art.

I just look at him, my eyes watering at the thought of someone loving me like he does, I want him, I love him.
"Do you love me?" I ask.
"More than anything in the universe, why would you even ask that?" He huffs a laugh, as I roll my eyes.

After having this talk, this kiss, this situation, I feel completely different.
My eyes have the spark they had before, my energy is up, I become the person I was when we first met instantly.

"Cmmon, let that mug of tea and let's take a shower togueter" I say, climbing in his lap and smiling at him.
"What are we waiting for, princess?" He says, before he starts to give me small kisses all over my face.

...

Hello! Osleya heree! Hope you like this little chapter, next one is gonna be a tough one, let me know if yall like the fic or not!! Thankss.

- osleya 🤍