Bye I love you" I tell my husband, Hyunjin pecking him on his cheek, he doesn't say anything, instead just hums and leaves.
I feel a pinch of sadness, I know I will never belong in his heart. That place is already taken.
I know I'm just a replacement for his one true love, but it still hurts to think about it. To think he doesn't love me like he loved her.
Hyunjin had a late lover, her name was ella. He loved her with his whole heart, I know it.
Hyunjins mother didn't want him to be sad his whole entire life, so she arranged a marriage between me and hyunjin.
Hyunjin had barely said anything to me since our wedding happened. Everyday he's in his and Ella's old room, reliving his memories with her.
I try not to think about it much, seeing him smile when he's in Ella's room kills my heart for some reason. He's never smiled at me like that.
I sigh, my heart feels heavy. It has always felt heavy ever since my marriage with him. Our marriage is not getting any happier.
I wonder what hyunjin thinks about me.
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆
Hyunjins pov:
"What do you think of Felix?" My friend asks me, A heavy sigh leaves my mouth, not knowing where to start.
"I love him, I love him so fucking much, I dont tell him this, I can never tell him this because he thinks im stuck on ella. Which is somewhat true but now when I think about Ella, my heart doesn't feel like it's missing her. My heart feels like it's missing Felix".
I tell him
"So why don't you tell him?" He asks me another question, I take a deep breath before answering.
"I don't want to love him because I'm scared of what it'll mean" I answer.
"What do you think it means?"
"It means i have something else to lose again, and this time I don't know how strong i'll be to spend a second without him" I openly answer.
I look at an old couple, sitting a few tables away from us.
Surprisingly, I don't find myself thinking about Ella anymore, I found myself concerned about what Felix ate, how his day was, did anyone bother him. who he hung out with.
I may have just gotten over her death. but deep down I'm still grieving. I'm waiting for the day my grieving stops and I find myself full on loving Felix without thinking about her. How I wish that day would come soon.
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆
Felix pov:
Hyunjin took me out today, I don't know why but I feel unhappy. The old me would have been screaming and cheering that hyunjin asked to go out.
There's a silence between us, an unbearable silence, Hyunjin is looking at the sky again. Is he thinking about her?
Did he take me out just to think about other women? I don't hate Ella but I feel some envy towards her. Maybe I'm jealous of her?
"Hyunjin?" I mumble quietly, He looks at me, and time stops. He looks at me. A look I can't explain.
Is he going to divorce me? I feel my eyes sting with tears. Gosh the stinging hurts.
Felix" He tells me stern and clear, I find myself not being able to keep eye contact with him.
"Felix" he tells me again, but this time I do some I've never done I interrupt
"No" I tell him he looks at me confused
"Im done hyunjin. I'm done with the way you treat me, I'm done being a replacement for her. I'm done trying to believe this marriage is going to get better. I'm done believing and hoping one day you'll love. It's clear who you love" I let my tears out every single one , My eyes hurt so much but that's nothing compared to the pain Hyunjin gave me.
He looks at me, his eyes hinting some pain in them.
"Hyunjin I'm done" I tell him, my tears are all dried up, I have nothing left to cry for.
"I just want to be the one you love I didn't want to be
the other one, I-l" At this point my breath increases, it's so hard to breathe.
"Im sorry" He tells me, his face now showing another expression i've never seen"
"Sorry!? Your fucking sorry!? YOUR SORRY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I'VE SUFFERED BEING HERE REPLACEMENT!" I can't hold it anymore, my once dried tears letting out a stream of flow. He tries to touch me, but I quickly push his hands off me.
"Ive always loved you, Felix ive always love you so fucking much i was scared your going to leave me I was scared, Im sorry i was a fucking coward," he takes me hands in his
"I love you but if you don't want me anymore you don't have to bear me. Felix you deserve a man who will love you, you deserve someone who doesn't dwell on their past. I don't deserve you" He holds me now crying too.
"I fucking hate you, your the worst , I hate you I hate you, I fucking hate you so much!" I punch him, hard punches, I don't care if it hurts.
"I hate how I still love you" I cry in his arms, he's holding me tightly
"I hate you" I tell him in, barely coming out as a whisper.
"I know" he replies
"you're the worst!" I quiver
"I know" I feel some of his tears falling down my chin.
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆
After some time, I'm still hugging Hyunjin tightly and so is he back.
He lets go of hugging me "Felix, I want you to be happy, I want to love you comfortably, but in order for that I want to give you some time and some time for me to let go of all my past, and to focus on loving you in the future"
"Felix you can let go of me, You can be happy now, you're free now" He tells me
I'm free? I'm free. free from all this pain.
"I wish you led a happy life now, I wish you can love another man, I wish you don't hate me anymore and when your new man hurts you come to me and I beat him up, I protect you from everything" He looks at up at the sky
"and meanwhile i'll focus on letting go of my past"
He looks back to me
"and then I'll love you the way you deserve to be loved"
"Hyunjin, Thank you, thank you much" I tell him
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆
Hyunjin drove me to the airport, and after that night I think it's best for me to go back to Australia. Hyunjin also agreed. We got officially divorced a few days back. I still have some feelings left for him, he promised me when I come back he'll love me with all his heart.
I hear the announcement that I'm ready to board the plane, Hyunjin walks me to the plane before hugging me tight, I hug him back .
Maybe just maybe we'll actually fall in love again. I'm walking up the plane's stairs. I look back and I make eye contact with him,
He has a sad expression on his face but for some reason
I don't feel bad, I don't feel like I should turn around and stay with him. At Least not now.
Instead I feel like a free bird, I've been let out of the cage.
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆ ☆☆ ☆
