Roland's POV
The cabin felt too small. I lay in the only bed that was made. The sun was high in the sky, I had yet to leave the bed, and the cabin felt too small.
I was reminded for the umpteenth time why I had liked having a roommate who talked so much. Even in the beginning when I didn't like Kit, it was nice to have someone to fill the silence of the cabin.
The smell of Kit had long since disappeared, leaving the smell of old wood and cut grass in his place. I hated it.
I usually liked small spaces when I panicked but when the panic was nowhere to be seen the feeling of small was overwhelming. It reminded me of those days when my Mom locked me in the shop.I tried not to think about those days. Most of the time I was successful but when the dreams popped out of nowhere and the spaces felt too small it was almost impossible to not think about it.
I had been fine the first few days. Being in the shop again after leaving it behind for a month had been nice. I had taken every last part out of those cars and completely rebuilt them just to pass the time and make it feel more like normal but before long the hunger won out and I was stuck huddled in a corner just to ease the pain.
After the second day, my Mom opened the door just long enough to shove a plate full of a few sandwiches through before locking it again. After that, once a day for a week that's all I got. On the eighth day, the door stayed open and I was allowed out.
No one at school questioned my absence. I guess they assumed I took an extra week to mourn but ever since then that was her go-to punishment for anything she deemed as 'over the top'. I lost count of how many times I was trapped inside the shop I used to love more than anything.
My chest felt hollow as I tucked myself farther into the blankets. I wanted Kit. I wanted my Dad. I wanted to be out of this god-forsaken camp and its small fucking cabins.
I could just get up and leave, walk right out the door, find a way out of camp, and never look back but I made a promise to Kit and it had only been two weeks. I couldn't give up that fast. Besides, any time I got up I froze in place.I had managed to leave my Mother's punishment only once and I vowed to never do it again. The aftermath wasn't worth it. It didn't stop me from breaking in the shop from time to time though.
I wanted to go home. I wanted to be there with Kit. I wanted him to sit in my old chair while I fixed cars and talk about everything he thought about.
A knock at my door broke me out of the daydream but I only rolled to my other side in an attempt to ignore it. It didn't work. The knocking came again and again and eventually, the door opened.
"Roland," Andrew asked as he eased into the room. "You missed our session this afternoon. Are you feeling okay?" I didn't speak as I stared at the opposite wall. He eased closer to the bed before coming to kneel in front of me. I don't know what he saw but he frowned. "What's wrong?"I shrugged because speaking felt impossible.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I shook my head. Kit would help but I couldn't have Kit. "Do you want me to go get you something to eat? Or maybe we could hang out in the shop for a little bit?" That was the last place I wanted to be for once.
He sighed when I didn't answer and looked past him to stare at the wall, mumbling something under his breath about not thinking it would happen so soon.
"Have you spent your hour outside yet today," he asked with a small smile yet we both already knew the answer to that. "Why don't we go do that then," he asked as he stood up and motioned for me to follow. I shook my head.
"You can't stay here like this all day, it won't help. You need to get out of this negative head space. Sometimes having a change of scenery can help break people out of a slump; at least for a little bit so come on; get up. Let's just walk for a second. We don't have to speak but you need to get up. Don't make me call Mary."
Yeah, like Mary was the scariest thing imaginable.
"What would help?" I didn't bother answering and he sighed. "Alright, we aren't doing this." The next thing I knew the blankets were thrown off of me, leaving me cold and bare to the small space.
I shrank into a smaller ball as Andrew began pulling the mattress off the frame and onto the floor.
"What are you doing," I managed to squeeze out of my tightened throat.
YOU ARE READING
Losing His Fix
RomanceRoland has to get used to life without Kit. Kit has to learn how to adjust to his newfound freedom. All the either wants is to be back with the other but they are learning. Life outside of camp is expensive and stressful. Life inside of camp was f...