Losing His Fix

13

Roland's POV

I sat with Andrew on the front steps of the office. After our last session, Andrew had taken Mary's place. He bought me dinner now, offered to take me to the shop, and now sat with me as we waited for Kit to call.

Thankfully, he didn't try to speak to me. We sat in complete silence, staring at yet another game kids had started on the grass in front of us.

A lot of kids that had been running in and out of the front office only a few weeks before had already started to dwindle. A few weeks ago there had been 20 kids a week rushing in and out of the office, waiting for their friends or partners to call but now there were only 8 of us waiting.

It made me wonder if it was part of the plan to make us non-reliant on them or if it was because their people stopped calling and they had simply given up. I frowned at the thought and knew I would join them someday.

Andrew's phone sat between us on the porch and I tapped it just long enough to see what time it was. Kit had a few more minutes or he would be late to our schedule. The schedule helped. I liked knowing I didn't have to sit and wonder and worry all day. At least now all that could wait until after our time passed before I started getting worried.

"Any minute now," Andrew noted as he looked at the phone. "Are you excited? It's been a rough week. I'm sure this will be nice." I nod and turn my attention back to the field.

It was not a very good talking day and I could only hope that Kit was in a more talkative mood than I was.

"What do you think about going to the shop tomorrow," he asked after a few more minutes of silence. "I know you don't like working on Call Day but maybe tomorrow we can get back to it. I know you don't like leaving projects halfway done." I nod again, mostly to keep him from worrying.

I still didn't want to be in that shop. Not without Kit. I wanted to work on my cars, sure but it just wasn't the same without him. I wanted nothing more than to run to that shop and have Kit sitting there, waiting for me, and spend all day there with him singing and talking and giving unhelpful advice that I didn't ask for. I didn't want Andrew. I didn't want Mary. I wanted Kit.

Andrew smiled and looked down at the phone that was ringing now. Kit's name lit up the screen and he handed it to me before nodding to the therapist's office.

"You know where to find me when you're done."

"Hello," I forced past my tight throat as I stood up and headed to the woods. Andrew watched me go with a sad smile.

"Hey sweetheart," he sighed and it sounded like relief. Despite myself, I smiled knowing he probably missed me as much as I missed him. "I can't even tell you how nice it feels to hear your voice right now. What are you up to?"

"Walking. I have a new spot."

"A new spot? You aren't hanging out at the office?"

"I wait for you there. I talk in the woods. It's nice there."

"I thought you said being outside was hell," he teased with a light chuckle and I prayed I would never forget that sound.

"It is," I confirmed. "But it's away from everyone else so it's nice."

"Why not go to the shop?"

"I don't want to work while talking to you. You have my full attention."

"You're saying I'm better than cars," he asked with a low whistle. "That's high praise. I'm not sure I'm worthy of it."

"You are," I tell him because I need him to know that. I would give up cars for good if it meant being with him right now. I could tell he was smiling as he blew a huff of breath.

"How has your week been?"

"I broke curfew," I sighed. "Mary got mad."

"Why did you break curfew? You know better than that. What were you even doing? You aren't allowed to be in the shop alone."

"I was in my spot," I said as I found my tree and leaned against it. "I was just sitting and didn't want to go back yet. I didn't think Mary would be waiting for me."

"What did she do? I assume you got grounded or something?"

"She started yelling at me," I said with a sigh as I looked up at the branches. A bird was cleaning its feather on the lowest branch, looking completely at peace. "I ran to Andrew and he made her leave. I didn't get to be in the shop for a week. It was supposed to be over a few days ago but I don't want to go back yet."

"You don't want to go back," Kit asked with clear concern in his voice. "That's a little scary. You feeling okay?"

"It's not the same without you. I still like working on cars but it feels different now. I don't like it."

"What are you going to do when we move into your house and you're working at the same time I am? I'm not going to be able to hang out with you all the time in the shop like I used to at camp."

"That's different," I brushed off as the bird flew away with the breeze. "The shop at home will feel better than here. I won't have Mary or Andrew looking over my shoulders every three seconds to make sure I know what I'm doing. Home will feel like home."

"If you say so," Kit said but he didn't sound very convinced. "What have you been doing without the shop then?"

"I've been hiding in my spot. People aren't bothering me so that's nice and I don't have to stay cooped up in the cabin."

"No new friends," he asked with a sigh.

"No," I said but it came out harsher than I would have wanted but we have had this conversation more than enough times for him to still be hung up on it. "We've been over this. I don't want friends." He sighed again and I waited for him to argue but he only shook his head.

"You're right," he said simply. "I'm sorry I keep pushing it." I frowned at his words.

"What's going on? You never give up that easily."

"Nothing."

"It's something if you don't want to tell me."

"There's just nothing to tell."

"I thought boyfriends were supposed to tell each other things," I said with a glare even if he couldn't see it. He hesitated for a second but I didn't push, knowing he must have needed to work himself up for this conversation.

I waited, the phone pressed harshly against my ear, and watched the trees around me dance.

"I went to the skate park the other day and I ran into a few stoners. I'm just trying to shake it." My heart stopped beating for a second.

"Are you okay?" He scoffed and I flinched at the sound.

"I didn't relapse if that's what you're asking. I have a bit more control than that."

"That's not what I'm asking. I asked if you were okay. Did they do anything to you? I tell Mary to drive me there, give me a few minutes," I said as I pushed myself off the tree. I didn't make it a single step before Kit stopped me.

"I don't need you to come here," he said and the words hurt even with the light chuckle they came with. "I'm fine. I just smelled weed on them and I'm having a hard time not thinking about it is all. My friends are helping a lot. And you, even if you aren't here. I keep thinking about how mad you would be if I relapsed and had to leave you behind to go into another program. I'm going to be okay, and I am okay physically, I just need to get out of this funk."

I frowned as I sat back down.

"You promise that you're okay?"

"I promise," he said and I could hear the soft smile in his voice. "You promise you're okay? It scares me that you aren't going to the shop every day."

"I promise," I sighed. "I think I just need to get out of this funk too. Other than that how has your week been?"

"Fine, I guess. Made a decent bit of tips and the others are finally starting to wrack up some money so we aren't dirt poor. That's been nice."

"I'm glad you aren't broke anymore. It scares me when you don't have money. I don't want you to starve to death."

"Oh, I will do so many ungodly things before I go hungry," he teased and I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

"What exactly do you mean by unholy?"

"I'd suck a dick for a 20," he said in between his own laughs.

"You better fucking not," I scoffed but it did nothing to cover my amusement. "That mouth is mine."

"Oh is it now," he teased and I found myself glaring at the woods in front of me.

"Yes. You're my boyfriend which means your mouth is mine. You better not bet selling it for as little as 20 bucks."

"Is it the price that's bothering you or the fact that I would be doing it?"

"Both," I scoffed. "I don't want you to do it but if it's between that and starving I don't want you to die."

"All I'm hearing is that you think I have a talented mouth and I want to thank you for that compliment," he teased and I scoffed again. He did have a nice mouth but he didn't need to know that.

"Shut the fuck up," I said with an eye roll. He was quiet, like he was waiting to tease me more and I liked the sound of his voice too much to keep him silent. "Keep talking."

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