Losing His Fix

14

Kit's POV

Andrew was smiling at me. He was always smiling but this one seemed wider than his usual ones.

He sat behind his desk at the private practice he worked at. He wore nicer clothes than anything I had seen him wear back at camp. He also looked more tired than I had ever seen at camp and it made me wonder if something was going on there or if he hid his exhaustion more at camp.

"How have you been doing," Andrew asked after a few minutes of us sitting in silence staring at each other. "I was surprised to hear from you after so long. I didn't think you would ever call me for anything other than Roland."

"Something happened," I sighed as I tore my eyes from his gaze and put my head in my hands.

"I assume you want to talk about it," he noted when I hadn't spoken in a while.

"You can't tell Roland."

"I won't tell him anything. Anything you say in this room will stay between us unless I think you or someone else is in danger."

My heart was beating out of my chest as I nodded. I forced myself to take a deep breath and will myself to not pass out.

"I went to the skate park last week. It was later than we had any business being out and we should have known better but I was about to explode and I just needed to do something. It was fine at first, me and Nathan had the whole place to ourselves and we were doing our own thing. About an hour later these guys came in and went for the pool. I didn't think anything of it but a few seconds later nathan was trying to pull me away and I fought him because I wasn't ready to be done yet. Then I realized he was pulling me away because they were smoking weed and the second I smelled it, the only thing I wanted was to join them and get so high off my ass and now I can't stop thinking about it. If I let my mind wander for even a few minutes I find myself thinking about it and until I can manage to distract myself it's the only thing I can think about and I don't know what to do."

When I looked back at Andrew he was frowning.

"Is it just weed that you're thinking about? I know you said weed was just the starter and it escalted from there. Have other things been popping up lately?"

"Just weed so far but I don't think it will take long before it gets worse." He nodded and wrote something down on his notepad before looking back up at me.

"I think the best thing to do, for now, is make a list," he said before sliding a piece of paper and a pen in front of me.

"A list," I asked dumbly and he nodded.

"A few lists, actually. A list of reasons. What made you start using it in the first place, what it felt like after the high was gone, and why you don't want to go back to using. Then when you start thinking about it pull out the list and read off all the reasons."

"You think that's actually going to work," I scoffed.

"I think it couldn't hurt," he said with a shrug. "And it definitely won't help if you don't try. You've been through this before. You know these things only work if you try and make an effort. And if this one tool doesn't help then we can always try other things. This is just the first step."

I sighed but gripped the pen anyway and looked down at the blank paper.

"What do I start with?"

"That's up to you. This is your list."

"I guess I started because it was an escape," I said as I wrote down my answer.

"An escape from what?"