The Night I Found Home (The Forever Pirates) #1

019

A/N: Time skip warning 

Seonghwa

It felt like months had passed with how much progress we lost. I mean...in reality, we didn't lose much as we chose to go the wrong way to dock. But now, to actually be on that journey, no wonder a lot of people didn't believe it existed.

After we passed the last town where we could refill on food and other needed supplies, we were down to ourselves now. We had nothing we could do other than rely on our crew mates as we hit the point of no return.

We'd have to make it to the last town. Otherwise, we'd likely die before we turned around. No one usually went this far unless you lived here. And from the looks on my mates' faces, those weren't good people.

As we reached closer and closer and lost more of our food, everyone became more antsy and serious. People were snapping at each other more, and more fights were breaking out as the overall dread and fear seemed to catch up to these men's lives.

I kept my friends company, not knowing what else I could do to help. The overall energy of the ship had completely changed, and everyone was walking on eggshells. I needed a specific kind of comfort that only one person could provide, but I didn't crave it from him at the moment. Because this was his mission and his idea, and it became to dawn on me how I was still just a pawn in his antics.

Trustworthy or not....if I cared about him or not... I was still being used.

I was dragging my feet more and more as my anxiety began to cripple me. I was worried, genuinely worried that my sleepless nights started to come back.

It felt like a betrayal to Hongjoong in a sense to take space from him, but honestly, I wasn't sure he minded. He didn't pay me much mind anymore as he was too focused on getting to that cave.

I didn't know how fair that was, though, as he seemed more or less excited for the journey, the bags under his eyes still grew. We both were holding on by a string. He needed this to keep going, just as I needed this to stop.

Jongho seemed to know something, something that he wasn't willing to tell the others, but it became clear to us both that we were the only crew mates who knew where we were headed. I didn't know how or when he figured it out, but he had. He seemed to be the most optimistic out of all of us, and sure, he wasn't downright a pessimist, but he surely wasn't the mood maker either. It should've lifted my hopes, but I didn't miss the glances of worry I received from all the members, that included him.

My fighting skills became better, and San just chalked it up to me being more emotional. I was taught to do the opposite in all those books I read. Even watching guards outside training, they were taught similarly. So I didn't understand what he meant. The best he could explain it was that I was a severely emotional person who couldn't compartmentalize their feelings, but I could, however, channel what I was feeling through passion in my sword fighting.

San was the opposite. He needed to compartmentalize and treat fighting like a completely separate thing. It's almost like a job. But with how high strung he was these past few weeks, he was slipping with his skills.

I was shocked enough to see how much more San and Wooyoung leaned on each other. Despite their complicated relationship, they clung to each other for dear life, to save their nerves.

I walked in on them a lot, them massaging each other to relax how tightly wound they were, or one of them giving the other a talk to reassure them. They were definitely more affection, and I hated to say it because I had been hoping for this for them for so long....