faded.

SEVENTEEN

ONIKA

My head was all over the place. I didn't know how to feel about everything that was going on with Bey.

Friday night was crazy so I spent my Saturday alone and didn't talk to Bey or Solana. Bey was gone when I woke up but she sent me a text saying she was okay so I wasn't worried.

I spent the entire day thinking and still didn't know how I felt. But I did know that Bey and I should probably stop whatever it was we were.

It was becoming a little too much for me. I don't think anybody or anything could help Bey but serious rehab and therapy.

I was worried every day that I would find out she overdosed and was in the hospital, or worse.

The more I thought about our situation , the more I felt like I deserved better. It wasn't anything against Bey because she didn't really do anything to me, but I don't think I was built for the type of situation we had.

The kissing was nice, of course, but I needed to be with someone who actually wanted to be with me too. All the uncertainty had me questioning myself and I didn't like that.

She made me wonder if there was something wrong with me when I knew I wasn't. Aside from all the physical stuff of me being somewhat pretty and having a good body from working out, I was a really good person with a big heart.

I was so confused and I didn't know what to do but I had to clear my everything up before school.

First, with Solana. I had no idea why she lied to me about where she was but it wasn't really my business, I guess. It was just weird, especially at that time.

I texted her and asked her if she wanted to get coffee. She agreed which I was a little surprised by, I thought she would make up some random excuse like she had been doing.

I chose a place between us so it was less than 10 minutes away. She was always late so I stayed in my car until she pulled in next to me.

We went in together without saying much else to each other besides hi. It was pretty awkward. The first thing we did was order at the front and then found a place to sit down.

I wasn't going to beat around the bush. Too many secrets were being kept from me and I didn't like the weird energy in our relationship. It's been there since a little after Bey and I became whatever we were.

"I feel like we should talk. I really love and value our friendship but recently, everything's been off. I don't know if it's about Bey-"

She cut me off with her laughter. "Nothing is about Bey."

I like Bey and even I wouldn't be willing to do what she did the other night, so what did that say about how she felt about Bey?

"I'm just saying. I don't know what the reason is, but I know you've felt it too. Right?" I just needed her to confirm I wasn't crazy.

She nodded. "Right."

"I just want to know why, or how we can fix it. Did I do something that upset you?"

"No, definitely not. I'm sorry I made you feel like it was anything you did, I've just had a wild and slightly traumatic couple months. I haven't really talked about it because I haven't mentally been here at all, everything's just been a blur."

"Are you okay? What happened?" She was being extremely vague.

"I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet. I'm sorry, I wish I was to give you some more clarity. But just know that nothing about the way I've been acting has anything to do with you or Bey. I hope we can get back to normal."