faded.

TWENTYSIX

ONIKA

After a full weekend of thinking, I was finally ready to hear Bey out. I didn't have much to say but I would let her talk and then decide what I wanted to do moving forward based off what she had to say.

If she raised her voice or cussed at me once, I was done. Her number would be blocked and she would never have to worry about me ever again.

I texted her Monday morning that if she was still interested in having a conversation with me that she could come to my house after school. I was going to be home alone, but I wouldn't allow any funny business. Even if I was ovulating.

She told me that she wouldn't be at school but she would still come over after school. I felt better during school than I had the past few school days. The weekend was healing for me, my mom gave me a lot of good advice that gave me a lot tithing about. I also hung out with Solana.

After school, I stopped to get a smoothie and then went home. I still had no text or anything from Bey so I texted her myself. She said she was on her way but she was coming from somewhere far.

I didn't question it and changed my clothes into something more comfortable so I could lay down. I threw on these low rise blue and white shorts that kind of looked like boxers and a cropped tank top. It was cute but thrown together.

Almost 20 minutes had passed when Bey texted me that she was outside. I took my time getting up and going to the door. I wanted to roll my eyes when I saw how good she looked, it might've been the first time I'd seen her with jewelry. "Hey, sorry I took her long."

I let her come in before I started questioning her. "Where were you?"

"Picking up drugs." She deadpanned.

"What?" Did she really just say that?

"I mean, you wanted me to be honest with you. I'm being honest. Do you not want me to be that honest?"

"Well I would rather you just didn't have anything to do with drugs but I guess we can talk about that later. Let's go to my room." I started walking and she followed me upstairs into my room.

I sat down on my bed and she did the same. "You look good."

I folded my lips in and did the awkward white people smile. "Thanks." I wouldn't lie and say I didn't care, I just refused to show it. "You said I wouldn't hear you out so here you are, go ahead and say what you have to."

"I feel like there's a lot I need to explain but I will start with the ghosting you for half a week because that's what started this whole thing. I know you think the excuse of me being in my head but that's really what it is. My mental health isn't an excuse but I don't think you realize my lows are a lot different than yours, and a lot more constant. When Im like that, you wouldn't even want to be with me. I don't want you to see that side of me because it's so..." She shrugged and sighed, "Pathetic, I guess."

I guess that made sense. I wasn't going to be unreasonable, that was never my intention. From the start I just wanted a valid explanation.

My demeanor softened up a lot. "Bey, I don't want you to feel like that. You shouldn't have to hide those parts of you and literally disappear. I want to be there for you, I want to wipe your tears, I want to be your shoulder to cry on. Disappearing isn't protecting me from you and it's not helpful to you either. I get that you probably want your alone space when your'e going through things but I just want to be kept in the loop. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to or be more vulnerable then you're comfortable with, but I at least need to know that you're going to go ghost for me."

She nodded. "I can do that. I promise if you give me another chance, I'll start doing this."

"You've made this promise before, so we'll see." We were absolutely done if she ever thought about doing this again. "This, I can get over. I do want to hear what you have to say for yourself about the way you were speaking to me and the drug dealing, or whatever you're doing." I wasn't so sure I could get past all that as easily.