What If

XVIII

I mourned as pain woke me up from sleep. The pain was not a dream? Was it a warning?? The pain seems trying to get all the life left on me... I felt that pain roam around my body. It feels like its taking all of my strength. What is happening?

I woke up. I woke up because it feels like its taking away my life... But come on, this life is mine and I won't gave it up. So please? Just at least let me gain it back before taking it away for the second time? Its mine, after all. I don't want to lose it again-- cause I don't really have anything to lose, anyway. So then, nothing could the pain took away. I just wanna be complete for a month-- and then it's really okay to get my life away again.

I mean, yeah, this one's painful but sometimes, what if it's only our mind who control us? Like it's making us feel it's pain whenever it wants. That's also why sometimes I'm jealous of animals. They can feel both too, but not too much for they do not concludes on everything. Animals can feel pain physically and emotionally but according to records, they do not have the capability to conclude on everyone's action, words, or even to remember a painful past even though they have one. Once they feel loved, they'd stay like nothing ever happened at all. Ow, how I wish I'm one of them.

"Shiii-ts," I hissed as I tried trying to feel my body. It was painful. Everything is. Each muscular movements I do feel like a knife was stuck there pealing it off my own bones.

"Henxui shenclki hertiou b!knmoe he,gui keal humsendu kantelis. Hander hecuio moendio qwem ghji yhthck ehmaks kepiahd ndjw oqmd jfuro," And how I wish I can pronounce these words. Those were the same words the voices in my sleep told me. It was very specific, yet who? Among all the princesses I've been acquainted with, who among them? And I think I know good amount of princesses.

I took a deep exhale. I blinked. You know what? I've decided. I'd rather have this pain than be numb about it. You know that? The feeling that you'll choose to feel the hurt inflicted onto you rather than feeling numb at all? Because that's what happened. The pain faded away on an instant the moment my eyes saw light. Like it never existed.

I look around.

I am inside a dungeon, thrown up on one of its side, sitting in an uncomfortable position as I lean my back to the wall. It was dark in here. There are lamps or sources of lights from side to side but it is not enough to light up the entire area. And I am feeling nothing. I don't Even feel thirsty all thou it seems like my body's running out of water-- or blood. Maybe. And to confirm that maybe, I looked down to my own body. I was wearing the same uniform I was wearing for yesterday-- yesterday? What day is it? And why the heavens I always seem to wake up in such places I don't know where?!

I exhaled and focused my whole attention to the clothing I was wearing. Indeed there were blood splattered here and there considering the uniform is black and white, it is visible. Some of this I'm sure where it came from, but the ridiculous amount just tells me some were mine. Must be mine. Because who else were they supposed to be? And why am I here?

"Let go of me," someone stated, calmly. "I SAID LET GO OF ME!!" Someone shouted as followed by a screeching sound of the door opening. Throwing someone inside. "What--LET ME OUT OF HERE!!" A familiar voice roared like it can kill or even destroy the whole place. BUT IT'S ANNOYINGLY noisy! I created a sound trying to get this someone's attention without speaking at all. "FUDGE!!" and I guess I succeeded. I felt this someone turned his gaze on me-- "MIELIKKY!!" but I think he didn't get my message. I just want some silence, please!

I raised my head to look at the person. Did I forget to mention that were inside a great huge place? I guess i did! Since the distance between the two of us is rather huge, he runs towards me, almost tripping on the way. "Likky," he whispered half shouted the moment he reached me. "What happened to you?" He asked, not daring to touch me even. And he seems like he's checking what the freaking hell happened to the girl in front of him. Like really. Or why is she covered with blood or what so ever. I tilted my head in hopes of seeing him more clearly. But no. I can't seem to get the right angle that would erase the blurriness of my sight.