Falling For Casual

Chapter 13

The sun blinds me, the bed more spacious than it was last night. I turn over and see the empty side where Delaney slept. Instinctively, I position myself to the middle of the bed and stretch, the sun warming my skin from the window. It can't be anywhere past seven in the morning. Earlier than I usually wake. My first thought is Texas. How could it not be? Especially when he was the reason that I tossed and turned throughout the night.

   Craning my neck to peer over at the nightstand, I can feel myself fighting with what I'm about to do. Even when I sit myself up to reach for my phone, the timid voice in the back of my head questions every movement, every thought. When I open my phone and go straight to his messages, the last one staring back at me, the voice grows silent. Or maybe I just completely tune it out. Either way, I don't bother to give it a second thought as I let my fingers move across the screen to type out what I'm going to say.

   'Morning. My phone screen is back to normal. Hope you didn't miss me too much.'

   Another lie to add to the pile. Great.

   I don't feel bad though, not this time. I purposely didn't put any exclamation points to show my lack of enthusiasm. But would he even notice something as small as that? Doubtful since he wasn't the perceptive type to begin with. The message would have to be enough.

   I throw the sheets off myself and make my way to the bathroom, finally getting a glimpse of the girl in the mirror. She looks tired, and not because of lack of sleep. The corners of her mouth are turned down, the light in her eyes that's usually there now missing. Even her skin looks dull, almost pale.

   "Why are you letting him off so easily again?" I ask her, hoping for some sort of clarity to this mental war that she's putting us both through. She says nothing. Just stares at me with that confused look on her face, a sadness covering her brown eyes.

   I splash water on my face, shove my toothbrush in my mouth, and go through the motions of preparing breakfast for me and Hades. Nothing distracts me enough. The text that I sent is like a thick smoke in the air. Like a poison that I can't see but I know is there, ready and waiting to end my life.

   Finally, when I sit down with my plate in front of me, my phone dings with the familiar text sound. It's him. It has to be.

   'Yeah, missing you was normal, but then I got a bit worried.' He sent. What was there for him to worry about? Wasn't he the one who started the ghosting? I was just playing along with his plan. Being the 'cool girl'. The 'chill girlfriend' that apparently guys longed for. And yet somehow I felt I was in the wrong.

   'I didn't mean to worry you.' Hadn't that been exactly what I'd wanted? The whole point behind me ignoring him was to make him feel the exact hurt and distress that I was going through when he'd kept me waiting for hours before, wasn't it?

   'Phone still acting up?' I could tell he didn't believe the lie. Even when I explained that I had to take it in after work and get a new screen protector, something about his responses made it obvious that he knew I wasn't telling the truth. Trying to change the subject, I asked him about work. It was a harmless question for him, but to me it was dripping with underlying questions. Him telling me about his day yesterday would either shine a light on where the hell he'd been and what he'd been doing that had distracted him enough that he didn't feel the need to text me, or he'd avoid an answer and show me he was hiding something. Either way, I'd get something from this.

   'I called in. Took a mental health day and ran some errands.' Liar. 'Also went to get my STD testing. They stuck me with the needle six times trying to draw blood.'

   Should I have been grateful that he was doing that for me? Yes and no. I mean, wasn't that less than the bare minimum for both of us? He shouldn't get a gold star just because he was being sexually safe. It also wasn't enough to explain the disappearance, which made me a little less than satisfied.