Falling For Casual

Chapter 18

Two margaritas for both of us. A sort of reward for the cringing meet and greet I had put us through. In hindsight, I should've denied my mother. I should've said nothing about who I was dating and kept him under wraps until I was entirely sure he was who I would spend the rest of my life with. Now I couldn't get the looks of my brother and father out of my mind. I let the tipsiness dull my other thoughts as best as I could. Texas was already too drunk. He was much more of a lightweight today but I didn't mind at all. If anything, I was a little jealous that he was able to feel what I wanted to in such a short amount of time. Signaling the waiter for another round, I was ready to catch up to him.

   "That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I mean, moms always love me, so I wasn't really worried in that department," he said, popping one of his melting ice cubes from his glass into his mouth. I watched him let it settle in his cheek so he could continue talking.

   "And your brother seemed cool."

   "Did he?" My voice was coming off more nonchalant than I intended it to, but I couldn't hide the exhaustion that was taking over.

   "Yeah, though I'm not really sure how your dad felt about me. He seemed..." he switched the ice from one cheek to the other as he searched for the word. "Disinterested? Standoffish?" He shrugged.

   "He's like that," I said, trying not to lie. It was true my dad wasn't the easiest or friendliest, but it was more than that this time. I didn't need to open that can of worms for Texas, though.

   A notification lit his phone on the table, and he snatched it up, his fingers flying across the screen as he typed something to someone. When he placed it back down in front of him, the screen was open, unlocked, his apps on display. I couldn't stop my eyes from darting across his screen, and that's when I saw it. That same small box that I was all too familiar with. The red one that I remember pressing to open almost every night before I had become exclusive with Texas.

   The fucking dating app.

   I knew the color drained from my face when I saw his expression change to one of confusion. I wasn't sure if the drinks were affecting his comprehension skills and it was taking him longer to figure it out. I leaned back in my chair, my skin now a furnace of white heat, my feelings slowly turning from something light and carefree to the ones I'd been trying my hardest to suppress. Jealously. Hatred. Violence.

   He peered down at his phone, and I saw his eyes light up with the realization of what I had seen. He didn't even bother trying to hide it. He was caught red fucking handed. When our eyes met, I had to bite down the urge to throw myself across the table with my arms outstretched, palms ready to be wrapped around his throat.

   "Oh, I can explain that," he laughed a little. His chuckle made the violence I was attempting to extinguish bloom in my lungs. I had to put my hands under my chin, elbows on the table, to stop them from shaking.

   "Enlighten me."

   "The other night, these thoughts started to nag at me. I can't explain it. Even now, it just doesn't make sense. Illogical in every aspect, but something was pushing me to download it. I wasn't talking to other women, I swear. You know I wouldn't do that to you, Angel. But, it was something­—"He was rambling. Spitting syllable after syllable, trying to come up with whatever lie he believed would win my trust again. Little did he know, this was everything I needed to walk away. 

   "Listen, you know me," he tried to say, though my mind was running wild. "You mean everything to me. I'd never put what we have at risk. Cheating wasn't even a thought, I swear. I just—"

   My throat closed. It was as if my voice box had become completely out of touch with the rest of my body. I wanted to yell. Wanted to shriek right here for everyone to see. I wanted people to know that this man in front of me who promised me so many things was a liar. He was a fraud. What was real? Had everything he said to me been just words for me to feed off of? And if I hadn't seen the app on his phone, would he have kept that a secret?