Falling For Casual

Chapter 21

"She asked if she ruined the party," Delaney tells me. My mother's voice is like static in another room. Something that should be silenced, but you'd have to go towards it to do that very thing, and I would rather sit here in the bathroom avoiding her than show people who I really was. I couldn't let everyone see the way her words dug into limbs. I didn't want them to see the retaliation I had because it wouldn't be one of logic. It wouldn't be something that everyone could relate to unless they had that ugly thing in them too. Unless they had those tendrils of obsidian-colored ink winding through their veins, turning them evil like in some kids' movie.

   My mother was the villain, though how could anyone who didn't know her see it? If I went out there, fists balled and eyes burning with the hate that I'd felt for years, who do you think they would deem as the victim? Me or her?

   I pushed the heels of my palms into the sockets of my eyes until black spots danced in my vision. I leaned against the cold porcelain of the toilet and rested my head back, dropping my arms so I could stare at the ceiling.

   "Of course she did. What else would Janice do besides make this about her?" I said, exasperated. My brother leaned against the sink, his eyes staring at me with understanding.

   "She's been acting like a bitch ever since we left the house," he says. "I already knew the night would be ruined, but I didn't think she'd do some shit like this."

   I scoffed. Always expect the unexpected. Even when I thought I could peg my mother down, she would always do something to prove me wrong. The only thing I could bet my entire life savings on was the fact that she would always find some way to make things turn in her favor. I wouldn't allow that tonight. I was thirty now. Old enough to sever this poisonous tie she kept trying to latch onto me. I didn't have to put up with her bullshit.

   "I have to go back out there." I wasn't sure if I was saying that to them or myself until I thought of Texas out there with the devil herself. Immediately I stood, my head spinning for a second. I didn't bother to meet Delaney's eyes. They'd either be filled with fury or pity, and I couldn't decide which one would hurt me more.

   I opened the door and was met with multiple eyes on me. My own were focused on the clear glass bottle that sat on the counter. My hand reached for it instinctively, a shot glass in the other, as I filled it up with what I hoped would ease the resentment that was boiling underneath my skin.

   "You okay?" Autumn asked when she saw me swallow the tequila I had just poured, filling the shot glass immediately. I drained the second shot before answering her.

   "Fine." But we all knew I wasn't. My mother stepped out from whatever shadow she was lurking in, and it was like the spotlight was now on her. As if every overhead light had somehow positioned itself on her face, and everything else was left to be forgotten. When our gazes met, I debated taking another shot, but my brothers hand brushed against my elbow, and I put the bottle down.

   "Is that all you have?" she asked, her lip curling as her eyes ran across the bottles in front of me. She crossed her arms over her chest, pulling her sweater tighter against her as if she had somehow felt a chill. I took a deep breath in and bit down on my cheeks again.

   "You don't have any wine for me to drink?" Her voice was eating away at the marrow in my bones. Every syllable, every letter was carefully chosen to get a reaction out of me, although if I were to take the bait, everyone in here would have to pull me off her. I didn't respond.

   "I could order something," Autumn told her, but she shook her head.

   "It's a shame that my daughter knew I was coming yet doesn't have anything..." She hesitated, looking for the right word that would slice right down my spine. "Tolerable for me to drink. This is what I get for hoping you would think of your mother." She let out a dramatic sigh, and it was as if the exhalation from her lungs charged my own. I couldn't bite back the words that were forming in the back of my throat. Couldn't swallow them down because my mouth began to fill with not only the bile from my stomach, but the blood from my teeth gnawing at the sensitive flesh of my cheeks. But the only blood that would satisfy the craving would be hers now.