fight or flight, I'd rather lie

19

Taehyung
sorry, I left you seen earlier.
but I really didn't know what to say.
and then meetings intervened
but I don't wanna stop talking to you
that's why I'm texting now.
I mea|

pjm
tae you don't have to explain
I know, we are both overwhelmed.
but have you thought about it?
the question I asked?

Taehyung
it's me you want, isn't it?

pjm
no
I've been obsessed with Park Hyungsik lately.
I was wondering if he'd give me a chance.
taehyung
are you kidding?

Taehyung
not funny
I also don't want to question why you specifically used my friend's name.

pjm
all right, fine.
it's you
it was always you
every time I said I didn't want you back, I wanted you more.
you understand?
I'm tired of trying to do the right thing.
I'm also tired of competing our mistakes
fuck it
none of the other things matter after yesterday
I still want you so, so badly
so fucking desperately, okay?

Taehyung
is it normal for my heart to beat like a teenage boy?

pjm
it is..
we weren't even 20 when we met, tae
and we fell in love impulsively.
we couldn't tell anyone, even if we did, they wouldn't listen.
we've always tried to live our love like grown people.
we thought we had to.

Taehyung
but I still feel uncomfortable about the things that happened.
we never spoke the truth with you.
neither now nor in the past.
it was killing me, jimin.
it still is.
I know I made you feel like shit..

pjm
don't say that
it was hard for both of us.

Taehyung
it wasn't for you.
you were shining like a star, apart from your work, your beauty..
you were a trainee who could become a producer, an idol, an actor, a model, whatever you wanted to be.
I'm the one who gave you a hard time.

pjm
I could have resisted to be with you instead of leaving.
but I didn't.
I didn't even get mad at you until I thought you were in a relationship with someone else even though you slept with me.
so stop blaming only yourself.

Taehyung
I left you no choice but to break up with me.
instead of giving you the love you deserved, I only reflected my own anger of not being successful enough and blamed you for not being able to cope with it.
I've ruined the times when we should have been the happiest.
I know you thought we'd be better off this way.

pjm
didn't we?

Taehyung
maybe at first, yes.
but not after my heart stopped denying.
even the breaths I took after you were only half.

pjm
I just didn't want to be another barrier in the way of you looking for a way out of your own head.
and it worked somehow, look, you're the Kim Taehyung now.
if I hadn't left, maybe you could never be.

Taehyung
nothing I could have become was worth losing you.

pjm
oh
I can't believe you're actually saying these things..

Taehyung
me neither.
actually, I wanted to tell you on that day when I came to your door
but out of longing I guess, kissed your lips not knowing if you'd accept me.
I couldn't think of anything else.
but it felt so miserable to leave you in the morning while you were sleeping that I promised myself that I would never come to you again, no matter what, for your own good.

pjm
is this the reason why you made the news about a relationship?

Taehyung
no
I wasn't the one who made the news, I would never have done such nonsense on purpose.
I thought we were meeting for a collaboration with her.
I don't even remember the time between the cameras coming out and her holding my hand.
the news was out before I got home and people... they loved it.
when I said I didn't want to get involved this mess, they turned the company into hell for me
I couldn't go back
so I've decided to just wait for the day I'm free.
but then you came along
even though I told you to stay away, I read the two sentences you texted me a thousand times.
I couldn't resist, so I texted you back.
in the end, I couldn't get out of our messages.
I wanted to protect you, but I couldn't stay away.
that's all I am..

pjm
I should have burned this company much earlier.

Taehyung
there was nothing you could do.

pjm
how do you know?
is there anything I couldn't do for you?

Taehyung
you couldn't stay by my side..

pjm
tae
that was also something I did for you.
even so, you must have had a hard time.
I'm so sorry.

Taehyung
don't be sorry, it has nothing to do with you.
I had the hardest time recognizing myself.
it's as if I'm becoming someone else every day.
V, Mr. Kim, Kim Taehyung, taehyung? someone else at home, someone else in the company, someone else on the stage..
I don't know.
I really don't know what to do.

pjm
isn't there anything you want to do?
as just taehyung?

Taehyung
apologizing..
I have so many things to apologize for, both to you and to myself.

pjm
can't you kiss me first?

Taehyung
whst
whay
fuck
what

pjm
dummy
I'm saying, if I asked you to come and kiss me, would you want to start by doing that?

Taehyung
jimin
I would
ofc I would come
I'd come running till my feet hurt

pjm
then come and do it
I'm home
but please don't hurt yourself, I'd rather you drive safely??

Taehyung
but
this could ruin us both right now.
you know that, right?

pjm
taehyung
you have no fucking idea how much I miss you
and nothing else can ruin me more than this.
seen✔️✔️

Taehyung
open the door

pjm
what
are you here already?
you've only been gone for 10 minutes
how|

Taehyung
jimin just open it.
otherwise I'm going to pass out.
seen✔️✔️