Iced Gingerbread (Uncle Remus style)

Chapter 3

At Splash Mount'n, Sis Patty wuz makin' a gif' faw Brer Burt.

Brer Fox, he come an' see.

"A picsha frame. Decorated wid rocks" say Brer Fox.

"You don't think Burt will like it?" say Sis Patty.

"Lis'n. Dis is b'tween you an' Brer Burt. So f'ya wants ter give 'im dat cheap tchotchke, so be it" say Brer Fox.

"Hmm. You are really good at giving presents" sez Sis Patty sez she. "I mean, that waxing kit you got me is amazing."

"Amazing and needed" say Brer Fox.

"Okay, so forget the frame. What should I give to Burt?" say Sis Patty. 

"Try thinkin' maw pers'nally. Ask ya-self, what makes Brer Burt Brer Burt?" say Brer Fox.

"Well, he loves being Robin" say Sis Patty. 

"Dat's it! Get 'im a robin!" snap Brer Fox.

"You really think Burt wants a live bird?" say Sis Patty.

"Certainly mo den a dead one" sez Brer Fox, sezee. "Plus, dare's tuns o' robins near de Briar Patch. Jes' catch one an' slap a cape on it."

"I hope you're right. I really want Burt to like it" say Sis Patty.

"He will. Has I eva bin wrong bout a gif'?" say Brer Fox.

"Mm, there was the time you gave Brer Rabbit another tar baby" sez Sis Patty sez she. 

"But he loved it. An' cum ter think of it, he was prob'ly smilin' cuz revenge is sweet" say Brer Fox.

At de mount'ns entrance, Brer Bear was still tryna convince de oddas de ol' man was Santy.

"You have ter believe me. Dat guy is Santy Claus" he say.

"If dat miser'ble kid hater is Santy Claus, I one o' his reindeer" scoff Brer Rabbit. 

"I's tellin' ya!" sez Brer Bear sezee. "When I came outta de baffroom, I made a wrong turn an'..."

Brer Chad cut him off. "There! See? Everyone makes wrong turns."

"An' I saw a really long list o' names an' addresses" say Brer Bear.

"So he's keeping track of addresses. That's probably his way of getting around town" say Brer Jeremy. 

"I also saw a Santy hat" say Brer Bear.

"So? I seen Brer Jeremy wear a crown" sez Brer Rabbit sezee. "Dat don't make 'im Queen 'Liz'beth."

"Okay. Den explain de plate o' cookies an' glass o' milk. Who odda den Santy has cookies an' milk in his baffroom?" say Brer Bear.

Brer Chad an' Brer Jeremy look at each odda den back at Brer Bear.

"You" say Brer Chad.

"Point taken. But dat guy is Santy" say Brer Bear. 

"Oh please" Brer Jeremy grunt. "Santa never gave me presents."

"Goodness. Why?" say Brer Chad.

"Because I never made it onto his list of people who made peace with the French" say Brer Jeremy.

Brer Rabbit an' Brer Bear look at de boy funny.

"France and England have already made peace" say Brer Chad.

"An' Santy's lists is jes' notty an' nice, Brer Jeremy" say Brer Rabbit.

Now Brer Jeremy, he sorter mad. "Then what's the explanation for all this rubbish?"

"Santy prob'ly holds royalty to a higher standed" say Brer Rabbit. 

Brer Chad roll his eyes. "Boys, I'd like to believe the real Santa is somewhere over that hill. But it's not him."

"Yes. That old man is just some stranger who we'll probably have to pick out of a police lineup someday" say Brer Jeremy.

Den he an' Brer Chad leave, but ol' Brer Bear stop Brer Rabbit from joinin'.

"Brer Rabbit! Dat iz Santy! An t'marra, I goin' back ter his cabin ter get off his notty list faw good!" say Brer Bear.

"I cummin wid ya ter have a werd wid dat elf-luvin freak!" sez Brer Rabbit sezee. "He owes Brer Jeremy presents faw years worth o' nice b'have-ya!"