Iced Gingerbread (Uncle Remus style)

Chapter 4

Back on Chick-a-Pin Hill, ol' Brer Burt walked by wid a bow-ket o' flowas an' noticed Brer Fox uncappin' a ginger ale.

"Hi, Brer Fox. Did you just open that ginger ale all by yourself?" say Brer Burt wid a grin.

"Yeah! Why do ya tink I's swet'n?" say Brer Fox.

"Well, I'm off to go crush these flower petals to make Patty some perfume for the gift exchange" say Brer Burt. 

"Perfume? F' Sis Patty?" sez Brer Fox sezee. "Since it's nun o' my bidness, I won't menshin it's a bad idea."

"A bad idea? Why?" say Brer Burt.

"Sis Patty has tuns o' perfumes. Dat's why I don't go ter her room; I can't stand de smells" say Brer Fox. 

"Well, that would explain why Patty's room smells like hand sanitizer" sez Brer Burt sezee. "What should I give her?"

"Sis Patty can by whateva she wants. You's got ter give her an experience" say Brer Fox.

"An experience? Like taking her to a horse race?" say Brer Burt.

"Farm stuff r'minds Sis Patty o' livin' on one wid an abusive produce-a" sez Brer Fox sezee. "Try sum'n cultcha'd."

"There's nothing more cultured than a horse running on a track" say Brer Burt.

"Yeah dare is. I tink ya should p'fawm an interp'tiv dance ter slam poetry" say Brer Fox.

"But I don't know about that stuff. I'm a comic book nerd" say Brer Burt.

"I'll help ya. I's an expert."

"Alright. I'm in."

Meanwhile, back at de ol' man's cabin, de man hisself walk in ter find Brer Bear an' Brer Rabbit on his sofa.

"Hey! What are you doing in here?!" he yell.

"I'm just here ter tell ya I's been very good. Like yestiday, I ate haff a kerit cake" say Brer Bear.

"Made from my kerits!" added Brer Rabbit.

"An' I hasn't farted on Brer Chad's pilla in weeks! Okay days" sez Brer Bear sezee. "So I did it yestiday! But only cuz he wouldn't lemme finish de kerit cake."

"Bear, you have problems" say de ol' man.

Brer Rabbit step up. "Okay, my turn. My buddy Brer Jeremy tol' me he's neva bin giv'n a pres'n. Wuz dat an error o' sum kind?"

"Both of you quit your babbling and march your tails off my property!" de ol' man orda.

"Cum on. You can drop de act" sez Brer Bear sezee. "We big fans, Santy!"

"What did you call me?" snap de ol' man.

"Sorry! Mr Claus" say Brer Rabbit. 

"What?! I'm not Santa Claus! I'm just an old man whose patience is wearing thin" say de man.

Den he siddown an' eat some cookies.

"So much fo bein' jolly" say Brer Rabbit.

"He mus' be crashin' afta all dem cookies" say Brer Bear.