Iced Gingerbread (Uncle Remus style)

Chapter 5

Back at de mount'n, Sis Patty, she hunt faw a robin near Brer Rabbit's briar patch. 

She set up a cage and sum traps ter catch it. 

Ol' Brer Fox cum walkin' by an' notice.

"I see de robin hunt is on. Can I offer ya a thickly gluv'd hand?" he say.

"No thanks. It shouldn't take much to outsmart this pea brained bird" say Sis Patty.

One o' her traps snap shut, but de robin wunt dare.

"How much is you estimatin?" say Brer Fox. 

"Dagnabbit!" grunt Sis Patty. "Okay. So he flew past one trap. I have a whole set of them."

But de entire set o' traps snap shut an' de robin wunt in any of 'em.

"Uh! Foiled again!" say Sis Patty.

"Pea brained bird, 2. Pea brined actress, zero" say Brer Fox. 

Layta, Sis Patty grab a snake an' hang it on a tree.

"Sis Patty? What you doin'?" say Brer Fox.

"I'm putting a garden snake into this tree to scare the robin into this tree" sez Sis Patty sez she. "Who's the pea brain now, Bird Wonder?!"

But den, de snake fell outta de tree an' bit Sis Patty on de face!

"Agh! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" she scream.

Brer Fox smack de snake off de girl. 

"You okay, Sis Patty?" he say.

"Yeah, I think so. But I don't think Burt's getting his present" sez Sis Patty sez she. "I mean, that genius robin kicked me in the behind."

But de robin flew inter de cage jes' den.

"Well, dat genius jes' flew inter dat cage!" say Brer Fox.

"Ha! I own you, robin!" Sis Patty cheer.

In de woods, Brer Chad an' Brer Jeremy had jes' made it ter de ol' man's cabin ter find Brer Bear an' Brer Rabbit.

"If you really ain't Santy, prove it" Brer Bear was sayin'.

Chad & Jeremy enta de cabin. 

"Brer Bear! Brer Rabbit! I told you to leave this poor man alone" scold Brer Chad.

"I've been asking them to leave for three hour straight!" sez de ol' man sezee. "Well, with a couple cookie breaks."

"A thousand pardons. We would have been here sooner, but you know..." say Brer Jeremy.

He point at Brer Chad an' say, "This one."

"Oh dear" Brer Chad sigh. "I apologize, sir. For some silly reason, they've convinced themselves you're Father Christmas."

"Hey. If I had a magic sleigh, I'd be flying over Rose Marie's house" say de ol' man.

"C'mon. F'you really ain't Santy, explain all de cookies" say Brer Bear.

"So I don't always make the best dietary choices. Who are you? My cardiologist?" say de man.

"Den you really ain't Santy?" say Brer Bear sadly.

"No! Scram back to your mountain! Better yet, take Mr Carrot Cake all the way back to New York where he came form!" de man shout.

"Wait. How'd you know I frum New Yawk?" say Brer Bear.

De man hesitate. "You must have mentioned it in all your yakking!"

"No he didn't" say Brer Rabbit. 

"I didn't even know he was from New York" say Brer Chad.

"Me either" say Brer Jeremy.

"Would you believe it was a lucky guess?" say de ol' man.

"You knew b'cuz you is Santy Claus!" say Brer Bear trium'fantly.

"Not exactly" say de ol' man. "I was Santa Claus. But not anymore. I'm done with Christmas."