[𝑴𝒚 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆]

happy birthday.

Well, it's the 4th of June. I'm 15. I feel 12 and 21 at the same time. I wanna kill myself and I literally see no value in living, even on my birthday. I'm losing my will to live for the people I don't wanna hurt. At this point I'd rather live for the people on the internet than my own family or friends. I haven't been cutting but I know as soon as my mom's gone my restraint will be too. I'm on the school bus and I have to come to school. First fucking day. I have the chocolates every kid at school will want from me, even if they don't fucking know who I am. A treat is a treat and that's all I will be today. Another "Happy birthday, can I have a chocolate?"

Atleast I can listen to music. The bus is empty asf today. I'm the literal only one here. Now I'm waiting on some kindergartener. I haven't even done my summer homework so I'm screwed. I have to fucking germinate seeds for biology and it's much too late to. Since my school has a uniform today is one of the few days I can wear whatever the fuck but I haven't gone shopping in a while so I hate what I'm wearing and I hate what I look like and I hate my school and I hate that I'm still alive.

Now that I'm looking at it, I don't know if I'm gonna last another year of this bullshit. Sixteen is a goal I'm not sure if I wanna reach. I don't deserve this but I feel like I do. My birthday fucking sucks. When I was a kid below the ripe fucking age of ten my birthday meant something. After '9' only '13', '16', '18', '20', '21' matter. My anxiety is still high and I wanna make myself bleed so bad. I wanna be half dead bleeding out on the floor. Maybe then my family would care.

Idk. Fuck this.

I miss my discord friends :(