[𝑴𝒚 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆]

attention seeking.

So yesterday I was playing with with my toxic bsf and I was laughing and talking loud because I was happy. After about ten minutes of this my mother comes up and scolds me because I was laughing really loudly and "yelling and screaming". She then slammed the laptop down and took it downstairs, telling me to get my textbooks out because I have to start studying.

My friend heard everything and just said "why's your mom such an ass about you having fun?" And then we said bye and I had to cut the call.
My mother then scolded me because it was unladylike and unwomanly of me to laugh like that (context: I have a "witch laugh", I cackle.) she continued saying that it's etiquette and she said a lot of things that made me feel like shit.

Then she said it's okay if I do it at home and I said "but I was??" And she just went on "nO nOt RiGhT nOw"

She said others would judge me even though she has told me "who care what others think?" Before. She said that I laugh like an attention seeker. That I'm forcing it out and as my mother, she can differentiate my "fake" laugh from my "real" one.

I think it's a tell of how much she pays attention that she thinks my real laugh is fake. "You didn't laugh like this before." But people grow and people change?

She said it's a tactic I'm playing to be in the centre of attention, wouldn't listen no matter what I said.

After a bunch of protesting of that being my real laugh she said "Okay, well it looks fake." And then the problem for me is that why would I care if people think my laugh is real?

She spoke about first impressions and I said "I only laugh in front of my close friends." Because my laugh isn't "first impressions worthy". Mm.

It was a lot. She said so much more but I've shoved it down. atleast she's gone on Sunday.

She put a camera in my room. Told my maid "give them thei r phones and the laptop from 6-8pm and take it back."

I need my phone in the night. I go crazy without it because of my difficulty sleeping. I either cut myself or make myself puke. Reread old books or cry.

Of course, she thinks I'm perfectly fine. So she wouldn't even listen.