When no one's watching

Chapter 18

Liam's pov:

The next few days after Zayn had seen my bruises, I couldn't get myself up anymore.

I didn't know what it was, I just felt so vulnerable and fragile.
I drank and I knew I would regret it later on but I didn't care.
Soon, I couldn't feel anything anymore. That numb feeling made me feel better.

I had seen his calls on my phone the first day I didn't appear at school and the second day he was knocking at my door.
He screamed that if I wouldn't open up he would call the police.

So I stood up and made my way downstairs.
I hadn't really eaten much the past days besides the drinking...

Immediately after I had opened the door, Zayn basically fell into my arms and almost hit me to the ground even if he was as light as a feather.

"You don't even know how scared I was, Liam! I though that you...."
He stopped and looked at me sadly. I knew that he didn't dare to complete the sentence.

And suddenly I felt guilty, so guilty for making Zayn feel like this. He was worried about me and it was my fault. Why did I ever agree on telling him that story? Why did I ever agree on showing him my fucking arms?! It was ridiculously dumb.

"Why aren't you coming to school?"
His question ripped me out of my thoughts again and I thought of a better answer than 'I just didn't feel well'.
It actually was the truth, I just couldn't get up and go to school and as it easy as it may sounded, I couldn't do it. It was fucking ridiculous, I knew.

"I'm not feeling good...you should probably go."
"Li, have you drank again?"

Because Zayn had been standing so close to me, he must've somehow smelled the alcohol.
I knew that there was no point in lying so I just kept quiet.

He was shaking his head, looking sad and like he was in disbelief.
I had disappointed him again...

"Zayn please leave, I don't deserve you. Don't make yourself suffer from being with me."
No idea what it was, the fact that Zayn came or the fact that I was completely vulnerable in that moment but I could feel that my voice broke down at the end of the sentence.

In all honesty, I just didn't have the strength anymore.
I was like sailing ship without its sails. Slowly sinking.

"No, Liam. I care for you and don't you ever say things like that. You matter so much and I need you. But now come with me and you freshen yourself up."

I nodded so he took my hand and softly pulled me upstairs.

"First you'll go shower and I'll wait for you and look for something to wear, alright?"
I nodded once again and let him softly push me to the bathroom before he went to my bedroom to look for clothes.

I was worthless.
I had disappointed him once again.
Everything I did was wrong.
No idea why god had put me into this fucking hell called world.

Zayn's pov:

Liam's bedroom was a total mess and it was dark since the curtains were pulled.

It was completely pitch black so I turned on the lights to clean a little.
I picked up all his clothes and everything that was laying around.

I could see a little scrapbook
on his desk but never in a million years would I look into it even if I wanted to.
I'd never break Liam's trust like that so I just put it on the stack of other books.

After the room looked tidy again, I picked out some clothes for Liam.
I then made my way to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

The odd thing was that Liam wasn't answering but the water wasn't on either.