The Rose

STILL THE NIGHT

"Lesbian? My daughter is a lesbian?" My mom said and tears ran down her pink cheeks, and she went out. Liz stared at me for a while and said "I'm sorry Nel, should I tell your mom we were playing?"

"My mom!" I shouted, running to her room and she wasn't there. I looked everywhere in the house and she was no where to be found. I didn't know where else to look so I reached out for my for phone. I had somehow forgotten my password.

"What's wrong Nel?" "My mom is suicidal, she has attempted it more than once, what if she does something stupid..." "I'm really sorry Nel. I didn't mean to." Liz felt awful for stating the truth.

We both didn't know what else to do so we lied down. Liz fell asleep while I was lying on her breast. I couldn't sleep, I checked the window every now and then hoping I'd see my mum arrive(I could see everything that happened in the front side of the yard from my window's view.) I couldn't let go of my phone too. I was waiting impatiently for an unexpected call.

I started shivering and couldn't ly down anymore. I went to the kitchen for a glass of milk but when I got there I had totally forgotten why I was there.

I just sat down on a chair for a few seconds and I couldn't continue. I went to the TV room and sat on the couch...it didn't feel alright too.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to cry but I had no tears in me at this moment. I went outdoors, walked slowly to the gate wondering 'where exactly could she be, what is she doing with her life...' I checked if there was any car on the street and there wasn't.

I felt like throwing up. I knew I was going to do it but I had no strength to rush indoors. I walked slowly, when I got by the door step I couldn't hold it back anymore, I vomited on the spot then went to the bathroom.

I couldn't stop. The bath was filled with faeces in no time. I was feeling hungry but I couldn't go to the kitchen, I had no energy left in me. I called Liz several times but she never showed up, I guess my voice was not loud enough.

"Oh no baby! Please get up mommy is here." I heard my mom say, I sighed in relief but I couldn't even turn to look at her. She knew what caused me to vomit a lot.

When I was still a child I used to vomit at night and if my mom would ask me if my tummy is painful I'd say "no I'm just scared". The vomiting worried her a lot until one morning she decided to take me to a doctor.
The doctor said I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and being nauseous is one of the symptoms.

When I was eleven my father was involved in a car accident. My mom and I were sitting in the waiting room and there was no sign of a doctor whatsoever, I was starting to get impatient, I shivered and couldn't sit down any longer. I felt like crying but I just couldn't, I then started to vomit and my mom carried me to the rest rooms so I don't mess up the waiting room. I couldn't stop; I passed out. I was admitted and spent the night at the hospital. The next morning I was told my dad had passed away, it was painful but I got better from my illness. I guess worrying about something physically hurt me more than knowing the truth no matter how terrible it was.

My mom carried me to bed. I could hear by the way she was struggling to breath that I was heavy on her. She managed to get me on her bed, she then prepared porridge for me. I ate it slowly, I tried to finish it but I couldn't, she then gave me my anxiety drug. I wasn't feeling any better but I could sleep.

When I woke up my mom wasn't by my side. I wasn't startled by the fact that I woke up in my mom's room. I remembered everything that happened the night before.
I got up and went to check if Liz was still sleeping.

I opened the door harshly unintentionally. 'Oops,' I peeped, Liz looked sleepy to me but I guess she got frightened by the harsh sound the door made. "Oh I'm sorry you can go back to sleep." I said to Liz. "Morning to you too. Could you please come in." Liz said and I went in closing the door behind me.

"How are you feeling today? I heard you and your mom speaking last night." "I almost died. She saved my life." "What happened?" "I had that anxiety illness of mine." "Oh I'm sorry, why didn't you wake me up?" "Mommy arrived when I was about to." I didn't want to tell her I called her, she'd probably feel like the worst friend ever after all that happened last night.

"So didn't your mom say anything about you being lesbian?" Liz asked, "not at all." I replied. She obviously would not, yet, because I was ill and Liz was around. My mom thinks embarrassing children in front of their friends is one of the worst thing a parent could ever do.

Liz and I brushed our teeth, did the bed together and went downstairs for breakfast. My mom had already prepared it for us, she was watching TV and since we both didn't feel like facing her we ate our breakfast in the kitchen.

We took a bath after the morning course then went out for a swim. We were outdoors for quite a while and just before it was lunch time Liz's mom arrived. We all ate lunch together. Liz and I went to take a shower afterwards and left our mothers having a serious conversation.

When we were done Liz and her mom left.

"To my room now!" My mom said just after our guests left.