~Mirrors are more than a fixture on a wall made of breakable glass and pretty frames. They are a portal to someone's soul, reflecting all of their deeply hidden fears, dreams, and desires🪞~
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TARAJI
I swept all of the broken glass into a dust pan while Sarai sat in the living room with Fantasia, rubbing her back and holding her hand while she laid her head on her shoulder, trying her best to offer her as much comfort as she could. I've been trying to clean up this mess of destruction for an hour so that we don't have to worry about cutting our feet while walking around the house, and Fantasia still hasn't uttered a word about what could have happened between her and Kennedy for her to inflict this kind of damage on her own home. I felt like she was holding back for Sarai's sake because she didn't want her to feel torn between her and Kennedy. Maybe she'll open up to me and talk freely if I can get her alone.
Taraji: Rai Rai, honey why don't you go run a bubble bath for your momma? I'm sure that would help her feel better.
Sarai: Ok.
Sarai stood up, kissing Fantasia's head. As she passed by me to get to the stairs, she whispered in my ear for me to get Fantasia to talk. I gave her a head nod, silently communicating to her that we were on the same page. I stopped sweeping and leaned the broom up against a wall, stepping over the pieces of glass that I had yet to discard of as I calmly approached Fantasia in the living room. She looked like she was seconds away from snapping and having another mental breakdown like the one she had while we were gone, and I didn't want to be the trigger for it. Her eyes were blank and soulless and staring straight ahead, but they were also wet and rimmed red like she was ready to start crying again at any moment. I sat down beside her on the couch, staying on the edge just in case things went left for one reason or another. We've come to blows before, but I really don't want to do that again, especially not with Sarai in the house.
Taraji: Fantasia, what happened? Sarai is gone. You can talk to me.
She slowly turned her head to me, and I can't lie, the gesture kinda creeped me out and put me on edge. Her heart that she wore on her sleeve suddenly couldn't be found anymore. She was just...numb. I know what that feeling looks like because I've felt it far too many times.
Fantasia: Nothing necessarily happened between me and Kennedy. After she left, I started thinking about all of the shit she did to me and I got angry. So I broke some things.
Taraji: I wish you would have chosen a safer outlet for your rage. Maybe we could go to a rage room and-
Fantasia: I want you out of my house.
Taraji: What?
Fantasia: I don't think I stuttered. You played a big part in my pain, and looking at you just makes me want to hurt you. It's best for everybody's sake that you leave. I'll decide when I want to see you again. If I want to see you again.
Taraji: If you didn't want me in your house, then why did you bring me here in the first place to fuck me? You know what, I don't have time for this crazy shit. I will never stay any place where I'm not welcome. Sarai wants to stay with me tonight.
Fantasia: That's fine. She's your daughter.
I understood why Fantasia was turning her anger on me, but at the same time I was utterly confused as to why she was throwing me out of her house after she had invited me here to do the exact same thing to Kennedy that Kennedy did to her. How can someone be so crazy and so tender at the same time? Fantasia is one dynamic woman, and I want to understand her better, but that's not going to happen if she doesn't want me around in her house. She allowed me to go upstairs to Sarai's bedroom and fill her in on what was happening.
Sarai: I know I said that I wanted to be wherever you are, but I don't want to leave my momma like this. I'm scared for her to be alone. She's not thinking all the way in her right mind right now, and I don't want her to do anything that will hurt her. You understand, don't you Taraji?
Taraji: Of course I do. You're doing a good thing, little mama. If Fantasia is all good, I'll come pick you up tomorrow and take you shopping for a birthday outfit.
Sarai: I will. I love you, Taraji. Thanks for staying and helping as much as she would allow you to. You did a good thing, too. Text me and let me know when you make it safely to your hotel.
I reflected on the day's events as I drove to the hotel I was currently living in. I'm still having trouble navigating the boundaries between me, Fantasia, and Sarai. Does she have to be ok with me coming to pick Sarai up and taking her shopping, or can I just do it if I want to because I'm her biological mother? The lines are so blurred that there's no possible way to see what's right and what's wrong. My mind travelled to how I was going to get Danielle out of jail now that I was unemployed and no longer worked for Kennedy Taylor. Kennedy hasn't officially fired me, but I know that with everything that has happened, there's no way that I could work for her ever again. Now I'm right back where I started when I got out. I should have never allowed Kennedy to get me caught up in her web of lies and deceit that she was spinning for her wife. I should have just stayed focused on getting Sarai back and getting Dani out of jail. Once I was back at my hotel, I called Sarai.
Taraji: Hey, little mama. Is Fantasia ok?
Sarai: Yeah, she's sleeping now. I'm sitting in her bed with her because I'm scared for her to be alone. I've never seen her so broken. I used to think that she was a superhero because she never let anything get to her.
Taraji: She just never allowed you to see that side of her because she didn't want you to worry about her. That's what moms do. We suffer in silence so that our kids don't have to. She's going to be ok. Are you ok? This is a lot for a 15 year old to deal with. Are you mentally ok?
Sarai: I'm fine, I guess. I just wish that I knew what was going to happen next, but I don't, and it gives me the worst anxiety. I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, I love you Taraji.
Taraji: I love you too, Rai.
After getting off of the phone with her, I immediately logged into my laptop and began searching for jobs hiring near me. The only one that came up was a bookkeeper...for House&Home. Tyrese's company.
