ENG - Fractured Fates ʰʸᵘⁿˡᶦˣ

18

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

After about seventeen days of unbearable agony, marked by crippling pain and grueling uncertainty, something like normality finally seemed to return. I could feel my whole body again, every little tingle, every single heartbeat and every breath of wind that brushed against my skin like a gentle caress. The pain was gone as if it had never been there. At last I was no longer a nursing case, no longer a helpless being dependent on the support of others, and I could look after myself again.

The first three days were an immense challenge. I had to get used to walking again as if it was the first time in my life. Every step was an effort, but fortunately I managed without physiotherapy help. It hurt, yes, but it was a kind of pain that I welcomed because it signaled to me that I was still alive. It felt like my legs were going to buckle at any moment when I walked, but that was it. Thankfully, there was no further damage.
Of course, I then had to undergo a whole series of examinations, which my father, the highly respected senior physician, ordered. Fortunately, the supposed specialist was not present, which gave me a little breathing space. The results could therefore not be discussed immediately and I was able to go straight home after the examinations.

When evening came, I changed my clothes and only ate a snack because I was afraid it would come up again straight away. „And you're sure you want to go back to work today? You couldn't even move until three days ago," Jisung, who had literally moved in with me over the past two weeks, asked me. His concern was clearly audible in his voice and I could see his eyes following my every move carefully.
At that moment, I pulled my sweater over my head because I had been incredibly cold ever since, even though it was the middle of summer. Then I looked at my now black-haired friend. He had dyed his own hair a few days ago, while I watched him with amusement. I can well imagine that he only did it to cheer me up, because it really was a mess. But it looked unusual on him, but very good.
„I finally need to see something other than this apartment and I need to move. I'm not going to overexert myself either," I assured him and held out my hands for him to grab. „Okay?" My voice was firm and full of newfound strength.

With a deep sigh of resignation, he finally reached for my hands. His fingers nestled delicately yet firmly around mine. Slowly and laboriously, with my help, he rose from the soft couch on which he had previously sat motionless. His eyes, once so vibrant and bright, were now surrounded by dark circles, reflecting the exhaustion that threatened to overtake him as he barely got any sleep when I was so ill because he wanted to stay by my side.
„I'll be watching you very closely!" he admonished me in a stern but anxious voice, tinged with fear of the unknown. A scowl flitted across his face, but I could see the concern he felt for me in his eyes. „And if you look the slightest bit tired, you'll sit down without a murmur," he continued as he tapped me threateningly on the nose with one finger.
I couldn't help but nod with a smile and accept his concern with an approving nod of my head. Together we set off, ready to get through the last week of the night shift.

Once I arrived in the ward room, I felt a little more at ease. I finally saw something other than my empty, dreary white walls, which made me feel even more depressed and like I was trapped in an endless tunnel. „Where's Kazuha?" I asked, looking around as I couldn't see our new colleague anywhere yet. Jisung just shrugged his shoulders and replied: „I don't know, maybe she's not here yet."
Again with a shrug, I sat down at the table and started leafing through the medical records to see if there was anything new. I noticed that some of the intensive care patients had left us and new ones had joined us. I looked at who would be leaving next during my shift and one name in particular stuck with me.
Hyunjin.
He's leaving the hospital in three days after being in here for almost a month. I was a little surprised that he was actually staying here, even though there were such difficulties at the beginning. Even in my absence, they couldn't find out his surname or age because these fields were still open. I smiled a little at that and closed the file again.

I stretched, my bones cracking softly in the silence, before slowly rising from the cold, hard chair. My gaze glanced around the room, which was only sparsely lit by the light from the single lamp, and fell on Jisung, who was making himself a coffee. His movements seemed tired and automatic, as if he had been on his feet for hours. „Let me go first," I said with a grin that barely hid my joy at being here. „And before you say anything, I promise you that if I feel the slightest bit weak, I'll get right back to you." I was so full of energy it was almost scary.
Jisung looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. His tiredness seemed to disappear for a moment. He scrutinized me as if he was trying to see behind my façade. Finally, he sighed and nodded in agreement. Happy that I was able to convince him, I began my first round of the dark night.

When I finally arrived at the last room, I felt a strange sense of anticipation rising inside me. It was as if I knew something unusual was waiting for me. With a soft knock that was almost drowned out by the loud pounding of my heart, I entered the room.
The soft light from the bedside lamp bathed the room in a subdued, almost eerie light that cast long shadows on the walls. Hyunjin was sitting with his back turned to me, his head resting on the back of his neck as if he was exhausted. He obviously hadn't noticed me yet, which gave me an uninterrupted view of the scene in front of me.
As I stepped closer, I saw Kazuha kneeling in front of him, servicing him with up and down movements of her head that made me draw in my breath sharply. This drew my attention and he slowly turned his head in my direction and looked at me through half-open eyes. Kazuha flinched in shock, but Hyunjin's hand in her hair stopped her from jumping up and made her not interrupt the blowjob she was giving him.

Eyes wide open, I turned around and left the room with a bright red head. My heart was racing as if it wanted to jump out of my chest. It took me a moment to calm my breathing and my heart, which had suddenly started beating like crazy. Our colleague was simply kneeling in front of him and had actually given him a blow job.
Completely stunned, I stared at the door I had just come out of. The fact that Hyunjin had remained so unmoved, as if it was the most normal thing in the world that I was watching him perform this intimate act, made me shudder.
I tried to organize my thoughts and suppress the images that had become stuck in my head. But it was as if they were burning themselves into my memory, relentless and eerie. I could feel my hands shaking and my breathing becoming shallower.

With one last glance at the door, I turned away and slowly walked back to Jisung, who immediately looked at me with a worried face when he saw my distraught expression. „Are you alright? You look so pale, have you overexerted yourself?" he immediately asked me with concern, gently gripping my arms as if he feared I might topple over at any moment.
I waved him off with a weak hand gesture and carefully removed his arms from me before giving him a labored smile. „It's all right. I just saw something I didn't really want to see," I said in a shaky voice, sinking heavily onto a chair.
Ji urged me with insistent looks to tell him what had happened, so I gave in with a deep sigh and began to tell him. His eyes widened in horror, and just as I finished telling him, the person in question entered the room.

When Kazuha saw me, she lowered her eyes to the floor in shame, as if she was consumed by guilt. „So really with a patient?" Jisung immediately interjected, stunned, his voice quivering with indignation. „You do know that we're not allowed to do that?" he asked gruffly.
Her face flushed even more and she hid her face behind her hands as if she wanted to hide from the world. „Please don't report me! That was the first time and I'll never do it again, I promise!" she pleaded almost desperately as she looked at us in turn with pleading eyes. „As if," Jisung began again, his voice dripping with sarcasm. „I absolutely don't believe you. That's why you kept disappearing for so long, that explains a lot."
And so began an endless discussion between the two of them, arguing. Kazuha begged Jisung not to report her, while he insisted that such a thing was unacceptable and immoral. The atmosphere in the room became increasingly tense and sombre.

After a while, the headache caused by the constant bickering between the two squabblers began to become unbearable. I simply couldn't listen any more, so I left them alone and decided to go on another inspection round, even though it had only been a short time since the last one. But anything was preferable to staying longer in that noisy, stuffy room filled with the heat of her anger.
Finally, I stood in front of the last room in the corridor again and sighed deeply. With a mixture of resignation and determination, I knocked and entered the room. This time I found him as I usually knew him: Sitting with his cell phone in his hand, his eyes fixed on the screen.

I approached him and the folder on the table with slow, almost hesitant steps. I could feel his eyes on me as I began to record everything.
„You're back," he said, interrupting the oppressive silence. I stopped writing for a moment, looked at him and nodded slightly. „Yes, I was ill," I answered truthfully. His gaze slid over my pale face, down my exhausted body, until he looked me in the eye again. „You still look sick. You've gotten thinner," he stated, his voice sounding indifferent.
With a slight, tired smile, I shrugged my shoulders and looked at the pen in my hand. „I couldn't eat much as I couldn't keep it with me. But I'm fine," I mumbled, swallowing hard as I began to copy down the rest of the values.

I could still feel his penetrating gaze on me, which made me tremble inside and increased my nervousness immeasurably. It was almost impossible to meet his intense eyes after seeing what would perhaps be etched in my memory forever. Finally, he turned his eyes away from me with an indifferent „Oh well" and looked at his cell phone. He really didn't seem to care at all that I had caught them. Nevertheless, I was relieved that he wasn't looking at me like that anymore. Instead, I let my eyes wander over him.
For some reason, Jisung's words that I should just turn my head off forced themselves into my consciousness. The thought I'd had when I was lying in my bed, wracked with pain, came back to me: I wanted to be more daring. To be braver. I had looked death in the eye and suddenly the wish arose in me that I didn't want to die a virgin. Jisung always raved about the indescribable feelings, so I wanted to experience it for myself.
„Would you... actually... sleep with me too?" I asked suddenly, before I could even finish thinking about what I was doing. My voice sounded almost fragile in the oppressive silence of the room, which was only interrupted by the soft humming of the medical equipment.

His eyes slowly turned from his cell phone to me, and I could read a brief moment of surprise in them. Neither he nor I had expected that I would ever ask such a question. I was surprised at myself, which is why a blush suddenly appeared on my face, adding some color to my still pale skin.
I could feel my heart beating faster and faster and my hands became clammy. I was embarrassed by the question, but I was actually asking the right person.
What would he say?
He was an asshole, according to him, and somehow I believed him. Maybe that's why he was the right choice. He might only be interested in sex, which would make it easier for me in the end, as I didn't want to commit to anyone. But his answer immediately shattered all my thoughts. „No," he replied, looking back at his phone, his voice cold and distant.

My heart pounded rapidly in my chest as I looked at him, somewhat surprised by the answer. „Why?", I asked cautiously, my voice barely more than a whisper. „Am I... too ugly?" My question sounded almost desperate, but I was genuinely interested in why he declined.
Hyunjin shook his head, but didn't take his eyes off his cell phone. „Not at all. You look incredibly hot. If I had met you at a club, I would have definitely approached you," he said, his fingers dancing across the screen as if our conversation was nothing more than an annoying interruption.
Unsettled by the fact that it obviously wasn't because of my appearance, I still asked, „Then why not?" Although I shouldn't really care whether a player like him slept with me or not, this rejection gnawed relentlessly at my self-esteem.

Finally, Hyunjin sighed and finally looked at me. His dark, almost black eyes bored into mine. „Because you don't strike me as someone who could sleep with someone just one night," he began in a voice so calm that it sent a shiver down my spine. „Besides, you're still a virgin, why would you want to waste your first time on someone like me?"
He paused for a moment, his eyes never leaving mine. „I'm an asshole," he continued, each word feeling like a fist bump. „I'll get into bed with this guy or that guy if there's even a hint of interest, and then I'll leave. I'm not interested in any feelings or anything else, and you don't strike me as someone who could handle that."
His words echoed in my head like an echo in a dark, empty cave. „Besides, I have no desire to look like a rapist or anything because you'll regret it afterward and talk shit," he continued, his voice now cold. „You almost cried about the kiss I took from you and now you want me to fuck you? Forget it. I'm a lot of things, but certainly not someone who needs to talk someone into sex."

An icy shiver ran through my body as I clutched the pen in my hand tightly. I totally understood what he was trying to tell me and normally I would totally agree with him - at least if I wasn't dead sick. I literally didn't have the time to fall head over heels in love with someone and enjoy the tingles of infatuation to make my first time special. It was just unrealistic. „I want it though. So you wouldn't make me," I whispered, my eyes lowered as I couldn't bear to look at him directly because it was just too uncomfortable.
I heard him snort contemptuously. „You can't even look at me while you say that. So no, I'm not going to sleep with you, find someone else to do it with," he replied sharply, and when I lifted my head, his eyes were already back on his cell phone, which bathed him in an eerie, bluish light.

I watched him for a while, illuminated by this cold light and looking outrageously handsome. I didn't know what to say without sounding completely desperate or like someone in desperate need of sex. „But I don't have time to look for someone else," I finally mumbled, and it was the truth. He was actually perfect. He was stunningly handsome and an asshole who wouldn't raise any false hopes in me. „Felix," he began suddenly, his voice more serious than before, and his eyes met mine. „Do you even like men?" he asked me suddenly and I had to swallow hard.
I didn't know.
It was something I had never thought about before, as sex had never been an option for me. But it also never bothered me when Jisung talked about his nights with men, so I just assumed that I wouldn't care whether it was a man or a woman. So I shrugged my shoulders and scratched the back of my neck in shame as the darkness of the room around me seemed to grow heavier and more oppressive.

His question echoed in my head and left a trace of uncertainty in me. I could feel my cheeks burning with shame. „I... I don't know," I finally stammered, my voice barely more than a whisper.
He scrutinized me silently for a moment. His eyes were as impenetrable as the night. Then he sighed and ran a hand through his red hair, followed by a click of his tongue. „Have you ever jerked off to gay porn? Let alone get horny from it?" he asked me bluntly, and I felt myself getting warmer and warmer as the redness rose further and further into my head.
Unsure, I shook my head and continued to look at him with my big, frightened eyes. „I... have never seen any... porn. So... I don't know," I stammered quietly, my voice shaking. I was incredibly embarrassed by this conversation. Yet I had started it.
A soft laugh escaped the redhead's throat, sounding like the growl of a predator, and he looked at me with an amused grin that made me feel even more insecure. „Unbelievable, and you still want me of all people to fuck you?" he asked me. I couldn't help but nod, although I wasn't sure if I was really ready for it. But I wanted it. I wanted to have this experience, even if it meant plunging myself into the dark, unknown depths. „Yes."

There was silence for a moment, looking at me the whole time with his dark eyes. Then he broke the silence again. „Then prove to me that you want it. Sit on my lap and kiss me."

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰