everything about you •• jj maybank

thirty five

"Where do you want to go, Jose?" Kiara broke the silence after several minutes.

I placed my cup back in the cupholder. My hands were shaking, my body buzzing beneath me.

"Anywhere. I don't care. Anywhere but there," I responded quickly, nodding to myself.

My leg shook below me and I took notice of the way my fingers were tapping against the middle console. I couldn't control it. My mind was racing, in addition to my heart. I couldn't go home. I couldn't face them.

It was far too fresh. I didn't think that I'd be able to face them in a year, let alone even twenty four hours later.

I pried my eyes open as I sat there, not liking that every time I closed my eyes, I thought about him towering over me.

Did I give him any sort of sign that I wanted that to happen?

Surely, I was pretty clear that I wanted nothing to do with him. But I was so drunk, who knows what I really said to him.

I remember everything, or I thought I did. I wanted to believe that I had done something to cause this, maybe then my brain would be able to process.

"Josie," my best friend's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up to realize we were parked at a beach. There were a few people out in the water, yards away, but other than that we were pretty secluded. The sand was a couple feet in front of where our car was parked, sitting under a tree. "What happened?"

I felt myself begin to panic, my fingers squeezing the skin on my thigh so hard, I knew I would find bruises there the next day. My other hand was pulling against my necklace, taking the charm and moving it back and forth over and over again. I pushed back tears, taking deep breaths in and out. She waited patiently beside me.

"I hate to even ask this but... are you seeing Toby-"

"No!" I cut her off quickly, and she nodded, folding her hands in her lap. "No. Not not at all. It's- it's not like that."

"Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I just thought I'd make sure."

I brought my hands up to my head, feeling embarrassed at how shaky I was. I pulled my hair back and out of my face, sucking in a sharp breath.

How was I supposed to tell her what happened to me? If I could avoid this forever, I would. I'd make sure nobody ever found out. I'd do anything. What if she didn't believe me? What if she thought I was being dramatic?

Her hand reached over and rested on my knee. Her hand was warm again my skin and I met her eyes reluctantly.

"Take a deep breath. You can tell me what happened."

"If I tell you what happened," I started, unbuckling my seatbelt and sitting up in my seat. I wearily looked up to her, finding an encouraging and warm smile set on her features, "You have to promise me, you won't tell JJ."

She sat up, straightening her back out and taking a deep breath before nodding once. "I won't tell JJ."

I shook my head, grabbing her hands and holding them in mine.

"I need you to promise, Kie. I don't want him to know. I just- he can't find out."

"Yeah, I promise," she assured me. I kept my gaze on her for a moment before she squeezed my hands tightly. "Cross my heart."