Just us - Matthew Sturniolo

Alone ?

* Y/n/ pov *

I dashed up stairs determined to find an empty room , I needed to calm myself down, what was I getting so worked up about anyways, nothing even happened between us, and nothing was going to.

After turning a bunch of door nobs that seemed to be locked, I finally came across an unlocked one,
Johnnies room.

I stumble my way in , the soft lit room casted my shadow as I walk across the room towards his action figure section on his book shelf , I fan myself in a way to relax myself , I pace around for a couple minutes before I'm relaxed enough . My eyes gaze johnnies action figures and notice there's a new one , it's an anime guy , but I don't recognize it, i put my hand up ready to pick it up for further inspection, but just as I'm about to grab it , I see the shadow of the door move slowly out of the corner of my eye.

I whip around quickly at the sudden movement, "sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" Matt says standing in the doorway, "oh, no your fine" I say with a slightly chuckle , he steps closer slowly, "having fun ?" He says hesitantly , "what?" I say with slight confusion, and a bit taken back,
"The party, are you enjoying it?" He explains.

"Oh,, im not really that big of a party person" I say looking away. "Yea I remember you saying something like that, because you only know Jake and Johnnie here right ?" I turn back to him and we lock eyes, he remembered what I told him the night we first met, "yea something like that," I say , slightly lost in his beautiful blue eyes,

He steps a little closer , our eye contact never breaks

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened a couple weeks ago" he starts , "I was being weird and I don't know what got into me, I wanted to apologize if I made you uncomfortable" he goes on, "it wasn't my intention" ,, "you could never make me feel uncomfortable" I say almost as a whisper but loud enough for him to hear " I thought it was really sweet" our eye contact finally breaks as he glances away from me. I Watch his body language and his facial expression and i can't help but feel like he regrets ever even talking to me, maybe he thinks I'm just some weird loner girl and pity's me, "I shouldn't have said that regardless, and I didn't want to give off the wrong impression so I unfollowed you" he says, my facial expressions fall slightly, "r-right" I say with a breathy laugh as I look away , doing so giving away my embarrassment, matt picks up on it at steps closer to me , now slightly hovering over me , "hey hey that's not what I meant" he says very softly , we lock eyes and I notice exactly how close we are now standing  to each other . We spend the next couple of moments in silence , his face that was once in a soft and sweet expression now in a stern manner as he takes a couple steps away and I finally catch my breath not noticing I was holding it . "Sorry, just didn't want you to think I was being weird and flirting with you, that's all" he says as he starts stepping back towards the door , "also, next time close the door all the way and lock it when you come up here, wouldn't want some guy to notice your in here alone and get weird with you" he says looking at me one last time before shutting the door .

What the hell was that, first he starts off sweet then his demeanor changes completely. I sit down on the bed taking a moment to take it what just happened, as I'm lost in thought I remember how close we were standing next to each other, how close his face was to mine, close enough to feel his breath on my lips..

I quickly snap myself out of thought as I remember what he told be before he left just now. He was never flirting with me, my interest and curiosity with him, was just that, my interest. He never looked at me in that way.

I feel a sense of sadness and stupidity wash over me , of course the one guy I ever took interest in - in years , would never see me that way, I'm not good enough, never good enough. I'll never be wanted.

I get up and head to the door , slightly annoyed at myself for thinking he would ever see something in me, for thinking even for a second that anyone would. I return back to the party and see Jake pouring shots for some people
In the kitchen , I make my way to him. "2 for me please" I say to him. His eyes slightly widen and he sobers up with shock and confusion. "But you don't drink" he argues, "tonight I do" I say with a playful attitude, "well alright then!" He says excitedly as he pours me my shots , my sad expression returning but not really noticeable, Jake hands me the shots , I take one down and I almost spit it back out from the taste but I force myself to swallow it . As I look back forward ready to take my next shot , I do a double take and me and Matt make eye contact, I'm guessing he watched me take the shot as his expression was surprised and confused, I continue looking him in the eyes as I bring the next shot up to my lips and and take it quickly , learning from my mistake early. Jake makes me break eye contact as he yells, "damn no chaser ! Even I can't do that" he laughs, i giggle at him and decided to go look for Sam and Colby, "hey do you know where Sam and Colby are Jake ?" I question but he's handing out shots to people, " I think i saw them in the living room" "kk I'll see you later" "kk" he replied.