Splitter- English Version

19. Misery

I thought I was going to die. The cold first crept into my fingers and toes and then travelled up my limbs. At first I just shivered and the chains rattled to the beat. Then my limbs went numb and I was no longer able to move. The cold ate its way up my guts like a hungry parasite. And then Viggo came. He held me tight and I felt his cosy warmth. I thought he was going to take some of the weight that was pulling me down, further and further into the depths. And then his ice-cold, rough, shiny red hand touched my forehead and in that moment my guts froze. I felt him reach for an object next to me and I prayed that he would finally finish it, that he would put an end to my misery from now on. I just wanted to feel alive one last time when he plunged the blade into my heart. He whispered, 'I'm so sorry, Hiccup.'. I wasn't sorry. I only felt cold. But instead of killing myself, I heard a loud splash next to my right ear and prayed it wasn't poison. I didn't want to suffer any more agony. 'Just let me die!' I wanted to scream at him. He opened my mouth and I refused with all the strength I had left. But I didn't have enough willpower to stand up to him. What was the point of using up my last reserves of energy if Viggo didn't realise that I could hear and see him anyway and that I wanted to respond to his gestures. But I wasn't allowed to. I felt nothing but the biting cold, which, with the liquid running down my throat, poisoned my heart, which, like my soul, had lost its will to live. I wanted to scream. To give a little space to the pain that came with the cold water. But my vocal chords were frozen, just like the rest of my pathetic body. No sound escaped my cracked lips. And I wanted to cry, but my body was unwilling to shed a single tear. Viggo pressed his thin, terribly cold lips to my forehead and I caught a whiff of his foul, stinking breath. I wanted to scream, to shout at him and confront him with all the wrongs he had done to me. Can you imagine what it must feel like to be trapped in your own body? When your soul and your will want to run away - but they have no power over the organ in which they are trapped? And do you realise how hopeless your situation seems? I would never have believed that my death wish would catch up with me so soon. And I had wished to finally find my way to Valhalla. I didn't care so much. I didn't care about my life. I didn't care whether my soul would find its way to Valhalla and what would happen to my body didn't matter anyway. I would die anyway. I prayed that it wouldn't be too much longer before the gods who judged my miserable life would show me a little mercy.
He left. The only source of warmth in my immediate vicinity left. Left me lying here, hoping I wouldn't die. For a split second I wanted to hold on to him, take advantage of his warmth, but the next the cold enveloped me like a rough blanket. And at first I resisted. But when the spark that had flared up in my heart while Viggo was holding me extinguished, the cosy lethargy set in. I wanted to finally embrace the unsettling dark shadow that weighed on my soul. To hold it tight and go wherever it would go. But my longing was interrupted. My nose caught an acrid stench that burnt the hairs on my nose. I heard claws stapling across the floor and a scraping echoing off the walls. I lifted my heavy eyelids and recognised deep blackness. And from this blackness, leafy green lakes looked out at me. So warm and luminous that I thought I had finally found Valhalla. A soft purring sound emerged from the depths of the lakes and found its way through my ear canal into my brain. 'Toothless.' I gasped out. Hot tears welled up in my eyes. Valhalla sounded like Toothless. Unprecedented pain ran through me. It couldn't possibly be Valhalla. The purring grew louder and the lakes shone even more beautifully and brightly. I closed my eyes. If this was Valhalla, then I didn't want it.

Hot tears ran down my cheeks in rivulets, intensifying the pain many times over. The purring sounded more worried and I felt rough skin scratching against mine. Suddenly, a gush of sticky, warm, foul-smelling water hit my face. My mind seemed to awaken. My field of vision widened to reveal black nostrils quivering with joy and eyes glowing with reunion. 'Toothless' pounded and pulsed in my brain and I tasted his name on my tongue. Toothless tiptoed around me, gently poking his wet nose into my belly and licking my arms and legs. 'Toothless,' I sobbed loudly, my voice choked. A soft, familiar purr came from him. I could hardly believe my happiness. I wanted to touch him, ride along his slender curves and feel his hot dry skin on mine. I wanted to fall onto his back and feel the icy fresh wind on my face. But I could do nothing but stare at him and wonder if these were the side effects of my dying soul. As if my heart decided to send one last soothing image before it decided to stop beating for good. 

'I'm so cold, my friend,' I breathed in a weak, trembling voice. And Toothless seemed to understand. He walked around me and heated the ground with his plasma beam. Just like he always did when we went to bed on Berk. A warm, cosy wave rose up from the glowing circle and I felt the heat in my face. My limbs were numb and wouldn't recover any time soon. Suddenly, a terrible thought hit me. I felt sick and bile rose up my throat. If he was here and Viggo came back and found him, he would kill him. 'He's not taking you away from me,' I screamed and Toothless froze. 'I can't lose you again, my friend!' more tears ran down my cheeks and evaporated with a loud hiss as they fell onto the heated stone. He purred softly in response, as if to make it clear that I had nothing to fear. "Toothless, you don't understand. Viggo Grimborn lives here and I couldn't do anything about it if he caught you."

I tried to explain to him and yanked at my chains. Dull pain run through my arms in waves. Toothless's pupils widened with confidence and trust and his gaze gave me a little comfort. He purred and pressed his heavy head against my shoulder. My pulse calmed down noticeably. When it was there, everything was so light, so weightless and so insignificant. I exhaled slowly and audibly and my shoulders slumped a little. I immediately regretted the movement. A terrible burning sensation run down my back and I felt a hot liquid dripping down my spine. I grimaced and knew that one of the wounds had burst open again. When the joking subsided a little, my gaze slid to the chains that kept me from simply climbing onto Toothless's back and leaving this horrible place. This longing was suddenly so overwhelming that it brought tears to my eyes again. 'Toothless!' I called his name in a raspy voice. 'I have to get rid of these chains...' but before I could finish my sentence, Toothless understood and shattered the chains with a powerful plasma beam. A jolt went through my body and I fell forwards painfully. I hadn't expected my body tension to drop so rapidly. My joints were stiff and my limbs were still numb. I tried to get up, but I couldn't. Toothless hopped excitedly around me and I noticed his tail fin hanging in tatters from the leather straps. The thin iron struts I had forged for the construction were sticking out like exposed bones. Most of them were bent and some had even broken off. A deep crease of worry crossed my forehead. How were we supposed to escape from this island if Toothless couldn't fly without the artificial tail fin? I lay on the ground, discouraged and powerless. I was suddenly so tired. I curled up in a ball. I was glad that I could finally touch my legs again. 
Toothless watched as I pulled my legs close to my trunk and wrapped my arms around them. He wrapped his emaciated body around mine and covered me with one of his wings. And for the first time in weeks, I felt safe again. My mind gave up asking all the agonising questions to which there were no answers anyway and my consciousness sank into a deep, dreamless sleep.

1518 words