Scarred Heart

Chapter 4

My emotions were all over the place. What pains me most is that I don't have anyone to turn to- no one to rescue me. I cry but my tears change nothing; they only make me feel worse, reminding me of how unwanted I am. The very people who were supposed to protect me are the ones who hurt me the most.

I tried to make everything right. In my speech and actions but it was all wasted effort. How I wish I was not their daughter. Tears welled up in my eyes. I  knew how pathetic I looked. Why me? Why couldn't they love me and treat me right? Was that too much to ask? I never had anyone who valued me or saw my worth. Why me of all people? Oh lord, what great sin had I committed?

“We must take action against that brat. I want her out of my house by any means,” Achuil spoke with such anger and spite.
“I also think it's the best option at this point. I won't allow a prostitute to live with me in my own home," dad declared. I'm sure he waited far too long to say that. He stared at me.

“You wanted to sleep with your uncle? Don't worry; in less than 3 days, I will find a mad man just for you, and you will be out of my sight forever," Machar said, looking me  dead in the eyes.

“Finally! What took you so long, honey? You've made me the happiest wife on earth.” Achuil exclaimed, moving towards her husband, and  planting a kiss on his cheek.

They’re planning to marry me off. should I be happy about that? I know their poor taste; the family they choose will be worse than them. I’d rather meet my maker.

"I’m so happy! this calls for a celebration! Finally, God has answered my prayers. My fasting has shown results.” Achuil said, her voice full of excitement and hope.

“Mom, I never thought this day would come. Saying I was fed up is an understatement. Finally, this witch will leave our house, and we’ll finally live peacefully. Krista joined in, her voice full of relief.

They caused their own unhappiness. They made everything difficult for me- including themselves.

“Go to your room and start packing. I will find someone for you, Machar instructed.  Uhgh! What should I do? One thing I'm certain about is that I'm not marrying anyone.

“Brother, you are here.”  It seems Nhial has come back. What more accusations was he going to make about me?

I slowly push aside the door curtain covering the little corner near the kitchen where I slept. It had become my room, while the others each had their own. They had a spare one, but they preferred me staying in the small corner. I need to know why he came back. I should be well prepared this time, in case he tries to act smart.

“I came to talk to both of you about something important,” He said.

“Brother, don't worry about Lina; we’ll quietly marry her off. The people here are already aware of the situation, so we’ll marry her far away from here.”

“But sister, almost half of the neighborhood already heard about what happened. This compromises any plans that you had to marry her off. They’ll still talk, and the family she’s supposed to marry will know. You can’t pay everyone to keep queit.The neighbors hate you, so any chance they get, they’ll try to stop this wedding. As we speak, I’m certain phone calls have already been made, and the news has already spread.”

“ What are you saying? So, because they heard, we shouldn’t marry her?”

“No, that's not the case, sister. I’m trying to say that I want to take responsibility for this mess. Give her to me, and I will marry her. They’re saying, she’s no longer a virgin, and no one will accept her.”

NO, that’s not possible. They couldn’t possibly accept this! Now more than ever, I believe he has a screw loose in his head. He’s completely crazy, and anyone who agrees with him is totally mad. This is an abomination; we are all relatives.
“Nhial, that's not possible; she is your niece.” Yes, at least Machar still has some sense-or  so I thought before I heard something shocking that completely broke me.

“But, Dad, Lina isn't related to Uncle by blood. Mom isn't her true mom. They are not related by blood, but through the marriage you had with Mom.”

This new information hit me like a storm. I couldn't move or process what I’d just heard. My ears must be playing tricks on me. What?! Achuil is not my real mom!? But she was always there. I grew up with her. This totally makes no sense.

“Who? Who is my real mother?!” I stormed in, full of rage, determined to get all my answers today. Finally, the pieces of the puzzle finally came together.

That’s why she never liked me and treated me so poorly. That’s why she favoured Krista over me .I wasn't her  daughter, while Krista was her biological daughter.

“Why was the truth hidden from me? If you're not my mother, where is my biological mother?” I demand answers to my questions. Every fear I used to carry within disappeared, replaced with so many questions. That’s why she never treated me right. She was never my mother.

“Look at you. Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?”

“Where is my mom? Who is mom, what’s her name?” “Lower your voice, Lina. You will address me with respect. Concerning your mother unfortunately, you don't have any. What sane person would want to be your mother?"

“Explain.” I managed to say, tears  threatening to fall.

“Well, since you're interested, and you will be leaving soon, I might as well  answer. Your mother was a homewrecker, just like you are now, Lina. The fruit does not fall far from the tree, and you proved that. She paid for her sins by dying while giving birth to you. She may have died, but the sin is still alive and well. You are a murderer, Lina. You killed your mother." I killed my mother. A mother, I never got the chance to meet.

“Don't be shocked,” she laughed. “Your mother brought you into this world and immediately died so…” 

“Enough! Achuil watch your words” Machar warned his wife. How can someone be so cruel?
She gave him a shrug. Looked at me and continued. “ As I was saying,  you're such a curse, that your mother preferred to be dead than to take care of you. So do you see how kind we were? We took you in instead of leaving you to die on the streets.” She smiled, knowing how her words had affected me.

“Since you know the truth, I want you to leave this house quietly. Consider it a kindness-for not only taking care of you but also having to put up with you.” She said these last words as she sat down.

I can't stay here; I can't breathe. I killed my mother. I looked at Machar.

“Are you my father?" I asked. I needed to know the truth. This is harder than I thought. I was nothing, and I would never be anything. They were right; I am cursed, and a murderer.

“I only have one daughter,” he said.
That was the last thing I heard before I ran out of the house. I needed to go as far as possible. I can't be here. I cried harder than I ever have. The realization was too much for me. How was I going to show my face to anyone? Everything was justified. I deserved far worse. What should I do now? I can't go back. Will death even accept me? I was overwhelmed with grief for the mother I never met. I was bound to suffer in my life. Why did god hate me so much?