Scarred Heart

Chapter 4

Should I laugh, cry, or beg?. I am so confused on the action to take. What pains me more is that I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to rescue me.

I cry and cry, but my cries never change the situation but worsen it, I remember how unwanted I am. The people who were supposed to protect me, are the ones who hurt me the most.

I have always tried to make everything right. I tried to talk right, walk right, act right, and behave right. All of them meant nothing. How I wished, I was never born; how I wished I was never their daughter. Oh, I wish.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was pathetic, and I know that. Why me?. Why couldn't they love me and treat me right? Was that too much to ask for? I never had anyone who valued me or saw my importance.

“We must take action against that brat. I want her out of my house by any means.” Achuil spoke with such anger and spite.

“I also think it's the best option at this point. I won't allow a prostitute to live in the same house as mine," dad commented. I'm sure waited far too long to say that. He stared at me.

“You wanted to sleep with your uncle? Don't worry; in less than 3 days, I will find a mad man only for you, and you will be out of my sight forever." Machar looked dead in my eyes.

“Finally! What took you so long, honey? You've made me the happiest wife on earth.” Achuil went to her husband,  and gave him a kiss on his thin cheeks.

They are going to marry me off; should I be happy for that? I know their taste; that family, will be worse than them. I can’t accept this; I would rather end this miserable life of mine and answer questions later in my afterlife.

"I am so happy  this needs a celebration. Finally, God has heard my prayers. My fasting bore fruit.” Achuil spoke with so much excitement and hope.

"Mom, I am happy. I never thought this day would ever come. To say I was fed up, is an understatement. Finally, this witch will leave our house, and the peace we once had will once again reign”. Krista chipped in on the conversation.

The peace they once had? She was the witch, not me. They caused their own unhappiness; they made everything difficult for me, including themselves.

“Go to your room and start packing; I will find someone for you,” my dad instructed me. No, Mr. Machar instructed, so I left. Uhgh! What should I do? One thing I'm sure of , is that I'm not marrying anyone.

“Brother, you are here.” It seems ,Nhial came back. What more accusations was he going to make about me?

I slowly push the blanket covering the little corner near the kitchen where I sleep. I took it as my room, while the others each had their own rooms. They had a spare one, but they preferred me staying in a small corner.

I need to know why he came back. I should be well prepared this time around if he tries to act smart.

“I came to talk to both of you about something important.” He said.

“Brother, don't worry about Lina; we will quietly marry her off. The people here are already aware of the situation, so we will marry her off far away from here.”

“But sister, almost half of the neighbourhood heard about what happened. This already compromises , any plans that you had to marry her off. They will still talk, and the family she is to marry into, will get this information. You can’t pay for everyone's silence. The neighbours hate you, so any chance they get, they will try to stop this weeding.”

“ What are you saying? So, because they heard, we should not , weed her?

“ No, that's not the case, sister. I am trying to say that I want to take responsibility for this mess. Give her to me, and I will marry her. They are say, she is no longer a virgin, and no one will accept her.”.

NO!, NO!, this isn't possible. They could not accept this! This is an abomination; we are all relatives, although I never accepted it.

“Nhial, that's not possible; she, is your niece.” Yes, at least Machar still has some sense, so I thought before I heard the shocking news that completely broke me.

“But dad,Lina isn't related to Uncle by blood; mom isn't her true mom. They are not related by blood but through the marriage you had with Mom.”

What! Achuil is not my real mom!? But she was always there. I grew up with her. This totally makes no sense. Stupid tears. Why am I always crying?

“Who? Who is my real mother!?” I walked into the living room and asked this question. I was so angry; if she wasn’t my real mother, where was mine?”

“I asked a question, and I demand you answer my question”. Every fear inside disappeared, replaced with so many questions. That’s why she never treated me right. She was never my mother.

“Look at you, were you eavesdropping on our conversation?” I couldn't care less what they were talking about.

“Where is my mom? Who is mom?”

“Lower your voice, Lina. You will address me with respect. You don't have any. What sane person would want to be your mother?"

“Explain why I don't have a mother." I managed to say these words.

“Well, since you're interested, and you are leaving. I will answer this question. Your mother was a homewrecker, as you are now, Lina. The fruit does not fall far from the tree, and you proved that. She paid for her sins by dying while giving birth to you. She may have died, but the sin is still alive and healthy. You are a murderer, Lina. You killed your mother.".

I killed my mother. A mother, I never got the chance to meet.

“Don't be shocked,” she laughs. “Your mother brought you into this world and immediately died. So yes, you, killed your own mother. Your such a curse, that your mother prefers to be dead than to take care of you. So do you see how kind we were? to take care of you, rather than leaving you to die on the streets?.”She smiled, knowing the effect she had on me.

“Since you know the truth, I want you to leave this house. As a show of kindness for not only taking care of you but also having to put up with you.” She said these last words as she sat down. Achuil was purely evil.

I can't stay here; I can't breathe; I killed my mother. I looked at Machar; was he my father?.

“Are you my father?" I asked. I needed to know the truth. This is harder than I thought. I was nothing , and would never be anything. They were right; I am cursed, and a murderer.

“I only have one daughter.” That was the last thing I heard before I ran out of the house. I needed to go as far as possible. I can't be here. Aaaa! I cried than i have ever. I have never felt this kind of pain before. Why does God hate me also?. How, am going to show my face to anyone?

Everything was justified. I deserved far worse things. What should I do now? I can't go back. Will death even accept me? I was overwhelmed with grief for the mother I never met. I was bound to suffer in my life.