AWAKE AND DREAMING

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I stared at Tara as I lay next to her in our bed, I had been awake for a while, and it was still dark outside, my mind wouldn't stop thinking about the situation Tiki had put my family in. I couldn't understand why she insisted on coming after Tara with these threats. I had been putting off confronting her about them, surely it was just her anger that made her send the first few letters, now that she had been free for over a month I thought that she would move on with her life. But the more days that went by of her being on parole, the more her threatening behavior was increasing.

When I went to pick Tara up from work yesterday and noticed the funeral flowers that had been delivered to her office I realized I had to nip this in the bud before it got any worse, after all, Tiki Munson no matter what we all thought about her was brought up and lived and breathed SAMCRO before she went to prison, And I knew deep down that meant she was capable of anything. My mom had been her mother figure since Tiki was just a few weeks old after Tiki's mother passed away from a blood clot after her birth. Gemma had taught her well.

I was furious at the sight of the flowers and Margaret explaining the situation infuriated me more, I hated that woman and as much as she was Tara's friend, I hated the fact that she was in the know about my business, but seeing Tara so scared made me realize that I had to do what I am capable of and scare the living shit out of Tiki to make her stop.

I had tried to build some life with Tara, it had taken a long time to let myself try and love another woman, I was finally getting there, that was until I got the letter from the parole board and all these old feelings bubbled to the surface, I'd been living with so much anger and hate this last month I felt like I was back gun running again, and I was up against the world trying to survive. My head telling me one thing and my heart another.

When we got home yesterday I knew I had to stand by my old lady and protect her from these threats after all she was my family now not Tiki. I had reassured Tara that Tiki would be dealt with and meant it. I sent Happy a text telling him to come to the house early for a run. Tara was still standing in the kitchen kicking up a storm about Tiki and I wanted her to stop talking, I kissed Tara deeply and brought her to our bed to make sure that she knew she was who I was thinking about and was the only woman in my life. Or was I trying to convince myself?

Tara moaned my name as I snapped my hips, she looked up at me like I was the only person she loved, Like I was the most special person in her life. I closed my eyes and snapped my hips again, this was how it had always been with Tara and every other girl since Tiki I had slept with, I closed my eyes and pretended that the woman I was in, was the woman I hadn't felt in 10 years, not a touch of her skin, Not the feel of her lips or her warm hand on my cheek, I tried to push her out of my head I always tried to push her out. I had found myself kissing Tara as passionately as she kissed me as I snapped my hips harder and faster, my eyes still closed I willed myself to feel something and then Tara called out my name again, and I opened my eyes. Tara's eyes were still closed and the sight of her made my soul freeze. I pulled away a little as Tara's hand snaked around the reaper on my back, and I slowed my pace.

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