The Night Of Poetry

The Presence You Carry

When your mad
Like really mad
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells
I always try to leave the room
Before you get mad at me to

I find myself cowering away
In the rooms where I feel safe
Turning up my music so I can't hear
All of those hurtful words your spewing
I just want this to stop
I tuck myself in a corner
And try to pretend that this's not really happening
Trying to ignore all of the yelling and the shouting
I hope I don't remember any of this come morning

I don't like it when your angry
It makes me feel scared
I know you don't like to hear it
But at this point I don't really care
You hurt me sometimes
Then try to move on
You apologize thinking that makes everything better
It doesn't

You can't erase the memories of what you did
With an apology
I won't always remember the details
But I'll remember how it made me feel
It's something I'll forever carry

I've tried to tell you previously
About how you make me feel
But you don't really care
Telling me that your words shouldn't effect how I feel
Telling me that's the way I chose to deal
But those words only hold true for anyone expect for you

You make me feel like my feelings aren't valid
Unless I take my pill
Any signs I show of anger or frustration are always followed by the words
Did you take your medication?
Those words get a rise out of me
Which in your words just further proves your point

I hate the way you make me feel so powerless
I try to fight back
But your constantly trying to bend me to your will
At least that's how it feels

All the blame is usually put on me
And even when you admit you to did something wrong
It's still mostly my fault
And when I start to disagree
It just becomes another argument
Because you won't try to see how I see
Even though you say you understand
You really don't
Because if you did things wouldn't always end up this way

You like to tell us frequently how your parents used to treat you
It's usually followed up by you talking about how easy we have it
But I don't think you realize that we also have our problems
You tell us how your parents used to punish you
It seems like they were hurting you
You compare us to you
But you have to remember that we're are own people to

You come up with all these rules
But they never apply to you
You always give that same old excuse
I'm an adult
You'd say
And we're just children so we have to follow what you say
Unless we want to get in trouble
And lose our things

You make me feel like yelling is the only way you'll hear me
You expect me to keep a calm voice when I'm erupting
I'm so angry
I'm angry at myself for not knowing when to shut up
I'm angry at you for not keeping your cool
Your the adult for fuck sakes
And I'm just the child
So why is it always my job to be the bigger person

I'm sick of all this
This whole situation
I can't wait to get away
And have a little seperation
I love you I do
But I need my space
And that space isn't with you
I'll come visit I promise
I just don't think it's a good idea for me to continue staying with you

You make me feel like a horrible person
One that does evil things just to hurt some people
But I know I'm not like that
Or at least I'm not that bad
But you call me a monster
Because of the way I used to act
When I was angry
I was just a little kid
I was learning then and hell I still am

I'm not perfect
I'm human
I make mistakes
I've already made so many
I'm just like you and the next person
And just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about
And just because your older doesn't mean your always right

People change
I've changed
You've changed
And we'll both continue to change
And grow as people

I just want you to know that I still love you
Despite all of the mean things you've done
I forgive you
So let's try to move on

.