I'll Come Running

Chapter 40

There Rafe stood, begging in the closet with Jessie's back still turned away. She hadn't moved a single item in the suitcase since Rafe started pleading with her through tears. He at least appreciated that he had her attention.

Please don't leave me again, Jessie heard Rafe say. She wanted to look at him so badly, wanted to run up to him, hold him in her arms and beg him not to cry anymore. But she was at war with herself, still not allowing herself to forget what happened downstairs just mere minutes ago. Jessie took a deep breath to prepare herself for the sight she was about to behold, she knew behind her was a man desperate to keep what he lost, and although she wanted to capitalize on that fact, she felt that would be more than a little manipulative.

"Rafe..." Jessie whispered with a dejected sigh. She stood up slowly and turned to face Rafe with a sad look on her face. She took a few steps towards him and cupped his face in her hands. The motion should've made Rafe melt, instead it paralyzed him, still knowing that Jessie could be absolutely unpredictable when it came to protecting her peace and safety.

"I'm not gonna leave you." Jessie whispered with a tenderness in her eyes and voice. "But I am allowed to be upset with you over what happened. I am allowed to be confused about what happened down there. I'm not gonna lie and tell you that you didn't break some of the trust that I had in you." Jessie choked out, still holding onto Rafe's face, at this point both of them tears rolling down their face. Through sniffles Rafe simply nodded in understanding, not having the courage to utter any words even though he really wanted to.

"It just seems like one step forwards, three steps back with us sometimes." Jessie trailed off as she kept the eye contact with Rafe. At that Rafe had to look down at the carpet underneath them, not being able to withstand the weight of the words. Rafe slowly nodded his head up and down and tried his hardest to choke back a sob. He knew Jessie was right. It seemed their whole relationship was always a series of unfortunate events, half of them most certainly being Rafe's fault. He knew she was right in being a little less trusting of him now, still the allegation killed him inside, and he could've sworn he felt his heart tighten and flutter.

"Have you been using again?" Jessie asked still barely above a whisper with sad knitted brows. Rafe shot his head up with surprise.

"What? No, Jess, I-I promise." Rafe sniffled. Jessie didn't believe him and that showed on her face, a look of doubt evident. Jessie knew Rafe inside and out. More importantly in this moment, she knew the mind of any drug addict inside and out, seeing the patterns of her dad, her husband, and even herself. With Rafe having to kill his own father and dealing with all the amenities of having to cover it up, deal with the business, and everything in between, it would be the perfect storm for a newly clean drug addict to relapse. She had seen her dad, herself, and even Rafe relapse over much smaller matters.

***

Tonight was a night that Jessie had grown to see more consistently. It was a typical Friday night in Kildare and the secret husband and wife decided to dawn the doors of a party on the beach. Much like the first night they met just months ago, everyone would be there.

Rafe had just gotten back from a business trip with his father, undoubtedly contributing to his very visible stress. Between being away from his Jessie and dealing with Ward's demands and opinions, it was another perfect excuse for Rafe to get high once again. Jessie never cared about getting high or drunk, clearly she enjoyed the act a little too much herself at times. The problem was now that Rafe continuously let it get out of hand, and he had become a different man because of it, one that she couldn't predict or trust completely.