I'll Come Running

Chapter 70

Rafe couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation the two siblings were having. What started as genuinely trying to make sure everyone was settled in turned into calculating his breaths and trying not to creek the wood floor to give away his whereabouts.

"And he's not gonna want you be anything else other than that."

The words cut Rafe deep, but what twisted the knife was the fact that Jessie didn't refute it. He only heard an undoubtedly awkward hush come over the two siblings. Without even seeing his wife, he knew exactly what she was doing. She was looking down at the floor with her lips sewn together trying not to say what she really thinks.

Rafe knows exactly what she thinks.

JJ was right, though. Rafe didn't want Jessie to be anything else other than herself... but what he needed her to be... well, that was a different story. The same went for Rafe, what he wanted to be was not the same as what he needed to be. Rafe wanted to be the present father that wasn't so damn wrapped up in work all the time. But he needed to be the business man his father created him to be. He needed to be the breadwinner for the family. He needed to give his girls the best life had to offer, as he felt like anything less was a disservice to them. Not to mention, anything less is something he didn't grow up to be proud of. The Cameron's were always the best in their class, no matter what that looked like. If he was going to carry out the life he was destined for, he was gonna do it right.

Rafe didn't want to be addicted to cocaine, yet he needed a hit now more than ever due to the sudden feeling of inadequacy he felt once again. It was a feeling that was becoming familiar to Rafe all over again. He'd like to think that the past week of a stalemate between him and his brooding wife would have helped him kick the habit, but it only sucked him in more, soon enough he found himself using the same amount as he did before Jessie left. The memory scared him more than he could explain... yet he couldn't stop. Rafe felt worse about the using this time around. This time around it felt like he was cheating on Jessie, as she still had no clue he had fallen into bad habits. Yet the cocaine suddenly became more tantalizing, more seductive. The drug now was doing better at making him happy than Jessie was. The thought killed him, but ironically, the only thing that could convince Rafe to stop thinking about the disappointment would be to hit a line. So that's exactly what he did. 

Christmas wasn't supposed to be like this... his life wasn't supposed to be like this. But suddenly he couldn't see any other way he could smile for the pictures and get through this day knowing what his wife thought of him behind closed doors.

Rafe creeped over into his office just a few doors down and managed to form a neat white line. The same white line managed to block out Jessie's long hair, perfect lips, and curves every time. Once he recovered from the high, he decided to sneak back out as if nothing had happened, even though he would feel the effects of his rendezvous for hours.

"What're we doing?" Rafe asked as he sauntered back into the kitchen, with his hands comfortably in his pockets. Of course, the question was rhetorical, as he could clearly see what was going on.

"Making gingerbread houses." Jessie replied as she set the icing down and looked over at her husband.

"Daddyyyy" Charley squealed.

"Yes, darling?"

"Mommy and me and you have to make one togetherrrrr."

Why the toddler insisted on all three of them making a gingerbread house together? Nobody really knew, but Rafe didn't dare deny his child's wishes.

"Alright, sweetheart. What can I do to help?"

"Well you can help me hold the house in place while I glue it together." Jessie stated, to which Rafe obliged. He took notice of how everyone had paired off... he raised his eyebrows at the flirting coming from JJ and Kiara... that was a new development. Or maybe it wasn't, and he just hadn't looked up long enough to notice. He also noticed that Sarah and John B had their own gingerbread house to make... leaving Pope all alone.