After The War

Wounds heal, but we won't forget you

Cody was beyond himself, and I was glad. The last 2 days I haven't really seen my Ba-Booskie all that happy. Between getting resettled in his own body, having to fight his brother in arms, and then watching powerless as Matthew dies seemed to have really messed him up. And to be fair, it messed me up too, it messed up all of us. Skye Faith and Myah seemed to just sense how messed up we were, and caught onto the mood. But I knew even from the beginning that no one would ever truly understand exactly how messed up Lexie was, but I did. My power over the mind was as Strong as it ever was, and I knew the exact thoughts that were going through her head when she came back. I knew how she had tried to kill herself, seeing it as the only way to be with him again. I knew that she saw his death as his fault, one of the qualities that she possessed. I would have to talk to her about that soon, I knew that I would have to explain to her that it wasn't her fault. That what she was doing was defending her friends from him.
But I couldn't focus on that just yet. We had a funeral to get going, again, and we had the new comer to deal with. I don't know, but something in me told me not to trust Zane, even if he was Cody's best friend. My own personality alone would've come to that conclusion eventually, but over the last couple of weeks being on the run and having mental conversations with Matthew about what to do and how best to survive heightened my senses. My instincts about people usually turned out to be spot on. It was my job now to protect our friends. I'm gazing over at Zane, trying to see if I could get into his head without him noticing, but before I could try anything my attention was called for.
"As you know, we lost a friend today. Some lost more then a friend, they lost a family member." Skye says, tentative at first as she gazes at all of us in turn. Making sure to make eye contact with everyone. "I personally didn't know Matthew. I didn't know who he was, what he was like. I didn't know what he did to get in the position that he was in. But what I do know is that he meant the world to Kissa. He was her brother, her protecter, her confident in things that she didn't feel like sharing with anyone. Kissa lost all of these things today. Like I said before, I didn't know Matthew myself, but by looking over at my family, and my extended family, I can see that Matthew was a great guy.
Getting along with Kissa was never easy, but when she explained to me who Matthew was when she got her memory back, she spoke with a light in her eyes that I've never seen. And it's with a sad heart, a heart that's filled with sadness for my friend, that I say goodbye to a boy who should've had a long full life. A boy who I know would've fought till the very end." Skye finishes, shifting a few feet to the side as Cody and Zane slowly and gently lower Matthew's body into the hole. As they stand up again, Cody clears his throat.
"What can I say about Matthew that hasn't already been said before? He was a great guy. He cared about everyone he met. He was friends with Kissa long before I was even in the picture. I wasn't all that nice to my brother, but even when he shouldn't have trusted me, he did. See, Matthew always did the things that he thought were best, even if someone else didn't agree, ESPECIALLY if someone else didn't agree. People always thought his as odd. He was always upbeat, he always had a smile on his face.
I remember, this one time in P.E class when we were in like, 7th grade." Cody stops to chuckle, his eyes swimming in tears with a smile on his face. I have to fight my body's natural urge to walk up there and hug him. To take him in my arms and take his pain away. But I can't. I knew that this was a pain that we all had to feel. "We were playing capture the flag, one of his all time favorite games. And he was running from the place where we kept the flag, it being tightly clenched in his hand. I was the closest one to him, so I took off running, as fast as I could. I could tell he saw me, but he just kept running. He was a couple feet from crossing over the line when I tackled him, I threw my shoulder into his stomach and used all my weight to throw him down onto the ground. And I take his flag from his waist. I look down at him, only to see him smiling up at me, trying to catch his breath, but smiling at me.
I thought he was crazy, until he stood up, his hands empty, and with a smile said 'dude, I almost had you.'" Cody laughs as he remembers, the tears falling silently down his face. "When I saw that his hands were empty, I looked around for the flag, only to see it in Kissa's hands, safely over the line, a smile on her face for being able to get it over, but worry in her eyes as she looks over to Matt. 'We had it planned out.' Matthew had said, 'we originally wanted to use a distraction, one of us running while the other runs in the opposite direction. But we thought that it was overdone. So we opted with me starting with the flag, but right before I would get caught I would hand it off to her, and take the fall.' And I will have to admit, that in that moment I was in awe of him. He always had a plan.
I guess that that's what pisses me off now. I can't understand what his plan was. I don't see how he could see a benefit from what he had gone to do." Cody finishes, the tears still sliding quietly down his face. We watch as Cody kneels down over the impromptu grave, "you were an idiot for leaving. But you were our idiot. I love you man, and you better save me a spot up there." Cody whispers before walking back over to me, wrapping an arm around my waist as Lexie walks to the same spot.
"Cody was right. You were an idiot. But Cody was wrong for the reasoning. I knew that you wanted to go out swinging. You wanted to die an honorable death. You were always stupid like that. But in the end you got your wish. You went out swinging. But I just wish I wasn't the one who had to take your life. I wish that you didn't have to die, there are so many things that I wish that you didn't do. I pray to the goddess that you didn't leave. I wished that you hadn't found us. I hoped beyond hope that you didn't feel anything when your time came. But these things happened. There wasn't, isn't, and won't ever be anything that we can do to change it. But gods I wished that you had decided to stay. We needed you. We need you. I need you. More then anything I need you." Lexie whispers, walking back to her place at the edge of the group. Myah and faith take their turns, saying things along the same lines as Skye. How they didn't know him, but based on the responses he was a good guy. Before I know what's happening, it's my turn. With a shallow breath, and a quick squeeze of my shoulders from Cody, I make my way to the other end of his grave.
"Well, what can I say that you guys didn't already say? I miss you? You meant the world to me? Those things seem to be to weak to describe what you meant to me. You were always there for me. And gods of gods I wish I could be there for you line you were there for me. We had our differences, we had our fights. There were times that we weren't talking to each other. These never lasted more then a few hours, a day at most. But I knew that you were always backing me up. Defending me from the rumors that everyone was spreading. You had the decency of not saying anything. But I knew. I saw you, when you heard a rumor about me. I saw the look of slight disgust, the look of determination, and I knew from that moment that you were on the hunt.
You would track down the person who started the rumor. Going from person to person until you reached the source, and then correcting them. But by the time I heard it, you would act like you hadn't. By the time we reached the 9th grade you had a reputation for being stubborn. And at times I could see it. But most of the time I would tell people that they were crazy. You were to much of a pushover to be stubborn. I didn't think you were stubborn because no matter what I suggested we do, you always agreed with it. We had some good times. Gods we had some good times. Like when we spend hours and hours talking about hypotheticals, or how we would just quietly lay next to each other in my backyard and look up at the sky. We wouldn't say anything because we didn't need to. We were perfectly comfortable with the silence that fell between us.
We would spend so much time laying there, that we went from starring up at the sky, to gazing up at the stars. You always found my fascination with space and stars funny. You were always relaxed when we were doing that. I found myself looking forward to when you would come over so we can stare at the stars again. I found myself looking forward to when you could relax because all the other hours of the day you were always going.
You would go from one to another making sure that they were okay. You were always on the go, from the moment that you stepped into the school, to the minute before you went to bed. I still remember the book you got me for my 12th birthday. It was an encyclopedia about the different planets, when they were discovered, how they earned their names, and things like that. You acted like it was nothing, but I had overheard your mom telling mine that you had worked for weeks doing chores so you could get that book for me." I take a deep breath, wiping the corner of my eyes.
"But we also had our bad times. And just like the best times we had are the memories I cherish the most, the worst memories are the ones I wish I could forget. All the days that we didn't say a word to each other. The day that our friendship almost ended. I had gotten angry at some idiots from school because they wouldn't leave me alone. You had tried your best to comfort me, telling me that it would be okay, that they were just playing. You kept going, and going, and going, saying all these things until finally I snapped. I had grabbed you by your collar, and smashed your head into the bus window. I grabbed you by the collar, and I punched you in the face. And I didn't intend to keep hitting you, but by the time I was done, I couldn't lift my arm. The surprising thing is, you never fought back. You stood there and you took it all in silence. By the time that I was finished, you had a broken nose, a black eye, and a fractured jaw. You never got angry. You never chastised me for it. For weeks you walked around with your face busted, and everyone asked you about it. They all wanted to know what happened. You could've lied, could've said you got mugged. But you didn't. You said with a hint of humor in your voice, that your best friend Kissa had kicked your ass. So they asked why you let her. I won't ever forget what you said, because at the time it made me feel so ashamed. They asked him why he let me beat the shit out him, why I made him get 30 stitches from the window. Why you never pressed charges. And you responded with 'it's what she needed to do.' You didn't say it with any malice. You didn't sound angry. You said it like you were talking about the weather.
But what I need now I can't have. I need you. Maybe not in the way Lexie needs you. But I need my brother. I need to hear you say that it'll be okay, that you've got my back. I need to hear that no matter what, I matter to you. You were the only person who ever believed in me, and now my rock, my anchor is gone and I'm set adrift. I don't know what I'm going to do without you." I finish, stooping down to pick up a handful of dirt. "You will always be my brother. And I will always have your back." I say, sprinkling the dirt onto his body. When I'm done, I walk back to Cody's side, trying not to cry.
Zane makes his way to the proper place, I don't know what he's planning on doing, but he does something. "I knew of Matthew, and what I knew of him made him out to be a fantastic guy. He was caring, kind, and considerate. But those aren't the qualities that we will miss about him. We will miss, and cherish, the times that he helped us when he needed it. We will miss the times that he made us smile when all we wanted to do was cry. We will miss the amount of effortless determination that he had, to stand by our sides when we pushed everybody else away. Matthew was our rock, even when we didn't know we needed it. Those are the traits we will miss about him." Zane finishes, sprinkling dirt onto the body. We spend the next hour slowly spreading dirt over his body, refusing to do anything to quickly. By the time we're finished, we're all covered in dirt, sweating and panting, but we all feel a sense of pride as we look at his grave.
"Matt may not be with us in person, but his ideology and spirit will always be with us." I whisper, earning a nod from everyone. I'm just about to turn away, turn my back on the ghost that will forever haunt my worst nightmares, when Zane speaks up.
"Shame too. I heard of a spell book that gives whoever uses it master over everything. There wouldn't be a place that they couldn't go. A barrier that they couldn't cross, a power that they wouldn't be able to master." He says, drawing my attention.
"What spell book?"

I'm the most silent while we dig my ex boyfriend. Not being able to say anything, not able to cry. But as we all turn to walk away, I head in the other direction. My hands shoved into my pockets, making sure that the package doesn't slip out. It's only when I'm a safe distance away from my friends that I bring it out. The rock, the stone. The one connection that I have with Matthew. Under normal circumstances the stone should be bare since I used up all its powers while fighting Matt. But it's still glowing, brightly. The green that is Matthew's aura shining like a beacon.