an actual disease

The more you know, the more sickening the world gets. It's like nothing is real anymore. You start questioning your own existence. To be honest, sometimes your own existence would feel like an illusion. An illusion you seek to escape through many mediums without realizing.

Alcohol, drugs, substances that you choose to ingest but for what? To escape this reality. Don't you think so?

Funny how the real ones say to be conscious is the key. But even the conscious ones are pretty much unconscious most of the time. It's just that they have mastered the art of portraying unconscious in the most conscious way. It's an art for real.

As Fyodor Dostoevsky says:

"I swear to you that to think too much is a disease, a real, actual disease."

But try asking the knowledge seekers, the avid readers, the wanderers, the dreams, the outcasts of what it means to stop searching for the truth? It feels like you're hanging by the rope minute by minute, second by second, just waiting for the rope to end once for all.

Once you know too much, there's no turning back. The spiral staircase just gets deeper, the illusion just gets stronger, the reality just gets more sickening and sickening where to think, to seek and to learn becomes your only option.

A life-long learner they say. But there's curse to being an avid learner.