I'm New York City

seventeen

"Hey, hey, okay. I'm here, Mommy's here," I whispered, pulling her into my arms.

I swayed Sage back and forth, looking at the scratches she left on her wrists. She continued to shake in my arms as I held her close. I soon heard Joe come up behind me, but I motioned for him that she needed space.

"I didn't mean to. I wasn't cutting myself!" she exclaimed, looking up at me with tears running down her face.

"Shh, it's okay. You're okay. Just calm down, following my breathing, baby girl," I soothed, rubbing her back as I kept a good grip on her arms.

The scratches weren't too deep, but she got a good amount of skin off. She sobs soon turned into whimpers as she stopped shaking in my arms. I quickly grabbed a soft rag, damping it with some water as I pressed it down onto her scratches. I was definitely not going to put soap at the moment, but knew she needed alcohol.

"I need to put some alcohol on these baby, and then we'll put some cream. I don't want these to get infected," I explained, searching through her cabinets.

I watched as she shook her head, looking down at her wrists, probably regretting it.

"It's hurt," she whined.

"I doubt it'll hurt more than when you scratched it. It'll only be for a second, babe," I informed her, dabbing some alcohol onto a cotton pad.

I softly dabbed the scratches, making her flinch, but I held her arm still. She continued to whine, staring at her arms as I started to apply some cream.

"Hey, see? All done, come here," I motioned. I helped her off the floor of her bathroom and back into her room as I sat down with her on her bed.

"Baby, what's wrong? You didn't just do that for nothing. Have you always been scratching yourself?" I asked as she just stared down at her lap.

She shook her head, "I don't what happened. I was just going to the bathroom and one moment, I felt the need to start scratching them. I didn't want to cut myself, but I felt the need to. I didn't want to feel too much pain, Mom!" she explained.

"Okay, okay. I'm glad you didn't do that. Good control, but if you start feeling like that again, you yell for me or your father. Got it?" I said, making her nod.

I helped her lay down onto her bed as I covered her with her blankets. I stroked her hair as she stared at the wall. I was worried.

"Is there something else bothering you? You know you can always tell me. I've been watching you closely recently, something's wrong, babe," I said, getting under the blanket next to her.

She sighed, but stayed silent.

"I'm always going to be here for you. All of us are," I assured her, stroking her hair.

"Does Dad still love me?" she whispered, turning around to face me. I was shocked that she would even ask that.

"What? Babe, of course he loves you!" I said, shocked that, that came out of her mouth. Why would she think Joe doesn't love her?

She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know, I just-, I don't know," she said shutting her eyes for a moment.

I started to wonder if something happened between her and Joe, but nothing came to my mind. Her and Joe are super close.

"Your dad loves you, you and Ivy, more than anything," I assured her, rubbing her upper arm.

"He loves Ivy more, I know that for sure," she said, rolling her eyes.