To the end

Overwhelmed

Lilys pov

It had been a few weeks since i had gone back to school and i have been only going to school on mondays,Wednesdays and fridays as i told mom i didnt want to overwhelm myself and she immediately sorted it out and spoke to the principal and he allowed it probably because mom threatened to tell him what she would tell the media about the incident that happened with the girls 3 years ago

School has been going good and the girls left me alone most of the time, people still record me around the school which makes me really uncomfortable because i don't want to be filmed in school when I am only trying to learn but I don't want to seem mean and tell people to stop as the media would have a field day with that, I now have 2 months before I have to head to New York and I told mom there's no need for her to come with me because Florence will be there anyways and I know she trusts her to take care of me and I am 16 I'm not a little kid anymore I can take care of myself

Today I got home from school and everything around me was pissing me off and I just wanted to be left alone it was a really shit day I have had enough of people recording me everywhere I go, I tried to talk to the principal about it but he told me he can't do anything about it really because they could be recording people around me and not me but I know that is a lie because girls even try and record me when I am in the bathroom and washing my hands, it's like I have no privacy anymore no matter where I go or what I do and it is so suffocating sometimes

Rose ran into my room and jumped on the bed when I just wanted to have a few hours to chill out because I know if I am around anyone right now I will snap at them and they don't deserve that right now either

"Rose please can you leave I'll play with you later I promise" I mutter against my pillow hoping she will stop jumping on my bed because I was feeling very overwhelmed right now and I just snapped as she started singing still jumping on my bed like she doesn't have her own room which she can do that in

"Rose get out of my room and leave me alone" I say in a slightly harsher tone which I didn't mean but it did not stop her at all as she started to taunt me singing "la la la la la la" and it felt like everything in my room was closing in on me and I didn't want to have a panic attack in front of Rose because she will feel scared, I know mom is at the store right now and it's only dad downstairs and I was hoping that he would come up and tell her to stop but it did not happened and that is when I decided I have had enough, I felt the tears streaming down my face before I even started to yell

"ROSE FUCK OFF" I yelled sitting upright staring in her direction now and I saw her bottom lip start to tremble a little bit which made me feel so guilty but all I wanted was to be left alone for  few hours to rewind but no I couldn't even have that, she started crying as she ran out of my room and I rushed to my door and locked it immediately sliding down with my back against the door, I felt myself start to get a little lightheaded as I continued to panic, my chest felt like it was going to explode as it withheld all my breaths

I heard a soft knock on the door that didn't sound like dads and I knew mom was here I didn't want to speak to anyone right now so I ignored it keeping my back against the door covering my mouth to muffle my sobs which probably wasn't a good idea when I was having a panic attack but I didn't want to let mom know about it, I was really struggling right now and to be honest I have been struggling for a while I just have been pushing it all down and this must have been my breaking point

"Lily open this door right now Rose told me what happened" I heard moms voice call out in little snippets, my hearing was starting to go but I could tell she sounded angry which probably meant Rose had told mom I told her to fuck off which I didn't mean it at all I just wanted her to leave me alone for a few hours was that so hard?