You're not special || Heejake

10

Just as Jake said, Heeseung has not spoken a single word to Jake. They have not been on speaking terms for the last week. Heeseung has been working regularly more often. 

Jake has been doing his house-ly chores and cooking for Heeseung but they haven't said a word to each other. Jake refused to even attempt to talk to Heeseung.

One wondered how the couple could go so long without speaking or saying a word to each other. Not even a "I love you." or a "Bye." Toxic right? Well neither of them thought so. They thought of it as taking a break from each other. For both of them to heal. 

Heeseung wasn't upset at Jake whatsoever. It was Jake who was upset this time. Tho, the younger had every right to be.

Ever since their high school years Heeseung has always promised to never smoke or even touch a cigarette and he lied, a broken promise. Jake was still upset at him, his anger growing less each day but it still hurt knowing he never even attempted to tell him but yet he had to find out himself, a way he wished he never found out. That day was supposed to be a good day for him yet something always has to fucking ruin it. 

While the couple wasn't on speaking terms Jake let his mental health get bad again. He started feeling suicidal and secretly harmed himself, making sure Heeseung doesn't find out about it. He had already planned out already how he would kill himself, how he would leave this world, this house, this place he called hell. He didn't understand himself why he let it get so bad but he was tired of feeling the same way.

Jake couldn't take it anymore. Everything around him was starting to hurt him and crush him worse by the days that went on, his feelings would get hurt by the smallest things. His boyfriend was hurting him, not physically but mentally and emotionally. 

He couldn't sleep at night, he couldn't eat, he refused to take his medicine like prescribed. He couldn't even look at himself in the mirror the same way he did before.

"I can't do this anymore." Jake mumbled to himself.

<3

Heeseung was at work once again, he was also supposed to work late that exact day. Jake knew that, and he planned for this day exactly. 

He had thought about the way his life would end, several countless days of begging god to take him from this cruel life he lived. He hated the way somebody would make him hurt like this, what did he do to ever deserve something as cruel as this. The burn scar on his arm, the cuts on his wrist. 

By the time it was midnight Jake called this 'go time'. He had just got out of the shower and sighed. He thought it through and he knew that he had to do this to himself. He felt as if nobody cared anymore, nobody understood him, nobody truly felt as he felt. It pained him, he was hurting but nobody could see that. 

He walked into the kitchen, his feet softly making noise on the tiles as he grabbed a larger knife from the stand. He hesitated and stood there for a moment. He knew his boyfriend was going to be home in the next hour or so, tho it was late. By the time Heeseung was going to arrive home he would have been dead anyway, it bothered Jake tho. He didn't want his lover to see him hurt anymore but he felt as if Jake being alive himself was hurting Heeseung. 

The sharp pointed edge of the knife pierced Jake's stomach. He let out a soft gasp and then a cry, dropping to his knees as he pushed the knife through himself. "Agh-!" Jake pulled the knife out and cried. 

He couldn't breathe, he really did this to himself, why did he actually pull through with this.. what possessed his mind?

He watched as blood flowed out of him, a pool of blood surrounding his body as he stabbed himself in the stomach multiple times. He couldn't stop himself but the way he wanted to. It hurts, he was hurting. 

The knife dropped from Jake's grasp as he breathed out. "No.. I don't wa-nna die" Jake cried and sat himself up against the cabinets. Sitting there as if he felt he was never going to die. He saw the door open and heard a thump. "No.." Jake breathes hitches as he sees Heeseung, he didn't want his boyfriend to see him like this. 

"Jake?!" Heeseung called out for his boyfriend, looking around the house. "Can we talk about something?" Heeseung said throughout the house in a soft tone. Jake could hear his footsteps coming towards the kitchen. "Baby..?" Heeseung's eyes widened as he covered his mouth, tears flooding his eyes. He ran towards his boyfriend and looked at him. For once he didn't know what to do, he saw the knife and the pool of blood surrounding Jake. 

"Hees-eung.." Jake said weakly. 

"I know. I know Jake, it's okay.. you're going to be okay.. I'm here now" Heeseung said as he moved a strand of hair out of Jake's face. He quickly picked up his phone and called for an ambulance. "I-m sor-ry.." Jake said as more blood flowed out of him. "Stop talking, please stop speaking.." Heeseung mumbled as he held his boyfriend, his hands shaking.

"I'm not.. letting you go.." Heeseung mumbled as he cried. Jake nodded and laid his head onto Heeseung's chest, the comforting smell of Heeseung's cologne. He tried ignoring the pain and tried focusing on his boyfriend. 

<3

It's been a few weeks since Jake's attempt. Both Heeseung and Jake were scarred and traumatized. 

Heeseung hadn't left Jake's side ever since he got put into the hospital. He hadn't been to work, he barely slept and if he did, it was by Jake's side. He promised Jake to stay by his side forever and that's what he was doing. He refused to leave Jake's side no matter what, even if the visiting hours were over. Even if the nurses and surgeons told him to leave, he wouldn't. 

He refused.

Jake had to have multiple surgeries and had to be questioned. Of course Jake didn't answer truthfully when being asked questions. It was already too much for him to even comprehend that he just attempted to kill himself. Even then, He hated being asked questions and he wasn't even ready to speak to anybody. The only person Jake wanted to see, the only person he wanted to touch him, talk to him, comfort him, was his boyfriend. 

All he wanted was Heeseung and that's all he has right now. His boyfriend never left his side, besides for the surgeries or to get something to eat or drink. Heeseung slept beside Jake, talked to Jake even if the younger couldn't respond, or didn't want to respond he still ranted about who knows what.

At this very moment Jake was happy, yes.. he might have been in the hospital or whatever.. but he missed his boyfriends touch. He felt as if he truly cared for once, he didn't feel suffocated to be around him, but maybe it was only because he could have died that night. "Jake, please never do that again.." Heeseung mumbled as he played with the youngers hair. 

"I'm sorry for scaring you.." Jake mumbled, his voice hoarse and low. "It's okay baby.. I'm just glad you're okay now.." Heeseung smiled softly and kissed his lover's forehead. Watching as Jake let out a small laugh and smiled. "beautiful." Heeseung smiled softly, kissing his lover's lips.

<3

I feel like this chapter is shorter than normal.. I'm sorry I haven't been updating much lately. I'm going through a lot and this chapter is kinda how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm going to try and update a lot today but no promises. I've been like.. I'm not in the mood to write at all lately and school starts next week.. So I'm just stressed? 

I've been having a busy schedule and once school starts I might not have any free time because I quite literally signed up for three things..and I have seven classes.. on top of that I have therapy every Tuesday ..AGHXUYGUDced