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I haven't worked at all for the past four days. Didn't even check my work email. Even without opening my inbox, my mind works overtime. There are so many ideas spinning in my head, and I don't know where to start.
Sometimes, I find myself listening to birds and I just float away to the warrior story. The next thing I know, the sun has set and I'm sitting on the porch in the dark. It's like I get teleported. Or maybe I travel through time. This forest is a magical place.
Right now, I'm supposed to watch meat on the grill and make sure it doesn't burn. But, for the second time already, Chan had to step in and flip the meat because I was in some other dimension. At least potatoes are easier to cook.
Max, in general, never leaves my side. Now that I'm 'in charge' of the grill, he literally circles around me. I think, if a bear shows up, Max will defend me with his life. I have no idea what I did to deserve that much love from this smart dog.
Chan hands me a warm plate and I look at it carefully. It's a piece of grilled meat and potato, nothing special. A tomato salad on the side just so we can call it healthy, and a glass of wine. Simple meal, but so delicious. There is something in this grill that makes food taste better, I swear.
Last night we went to visit Changbin, and his studio was unbelievable. I guess it makes sense to have a big studio here rather than a closet-sized studio in a city. I'm getting addicted to this slow paced living. Eating breakfast every day, waking up without alarm, watching the sunset instead of my cell phone - it's so good.
The sex... I don't even know what to say about that. It's like I only ate junk food before, and now I get to have the best food there is. Each time. Even now, I kind of want to jump on him, but he seems focused on his plate. I can't promise to behave later when we go to bed.
I totally get the screen appeal and why Chan is such a big star. I wanted to watch one of his movies with him. Wouldn't it be cool to watch a movie with the actor who plays the lead role and tells you all the behind-the-scenes stories from the set? It would, of course it would. But, Chan said no, and that was the end of the discussion.
I hid in the bathroom and watched a trailer by myself. It's the one where he played a rich lawyer who falls for a pretty girl and saves her from a crazy stalker. The next video that popped up was him at a red carpet event, with a gorgeous looking girl by his side. They looked so... so... I don't know. Expensive. Polished. Like some ideal couple that can do no wrong. Like all the expensive fashion brands threw up on them.
I bet they arrived in a limo. With a champagne. And the security followed them.
When we first met at that hotel bar, I felt like we were the same. Equal. Just two guys accidentally hanging out at some random bar. Now I see that he is so much more than me. He's a high class, celebrity, he knows powerful people, they give him awards, they invite him to their wedding so they can impress friends. He probably even has a driver too.
Meanwhile, I dance on the street with my loser friends. For tips! If we're lucky, we get enough to buy drinks.
First, my friends would laugh if I showed up with him. They don't like rich people. And Chan would be embarrassed of me if he saw me in my natural habitat. I don't want that. I don't want to see disappointment in his eyes when he sees the real me.
On weekends I drink cheap wine, and hide from my landlord cause I have no money to pay for my tiny loft. You have to climb to the fifth floor to visit me because the elevator never works in my dirty building. I have only one set of sheets, and my shower has hot water for exactly three minutes.
True, I get paid well sometimes, but jobs come and go. There is nothing impressive about me or what I do. Funny we met when I wore my one and only fancy shirt. I'm still not sure who gave me that shirt, maybe Jonathan?
Imagine if Chan invited me to a nice restaurant. Not only I wouldn't know what to order, I would be an eyesore in my usual baggy pants and a print shirt. We are from two different worlds and wouldn't mix well together. Not in my world, definitely not in his.
This cabin is a perfect buffer zone, a sanctuary, heaven on earth. The only place where it doesn't matter who we are. His celebrity status means nothing, my broke ass name is just as anonymous as his.
Max whines looking at me like he's saying 'you shouldn't bite your nails Hyunjin'.
- I know, Max, I do that when I'm nervous.
- Do what?
- I sometimes bite my nails.
- Let me see.
He takes my hand and gives it a nice little rub like it's something precious. Then he lifts my index finger to his lips, and gently bites it.
- Yeah, tastes good.
- You fool...
Chan's smile could melt glaciers, and I can't help but smile back. Max tilts his head and looks at us, completely confused.
The problem is - Chan never lets go of my hand. We sit in silence like that, holding hands, and I drift away, again. I can let him hold my hand while we are here, it's just a few more days anyway. So, let's make the most of it. Let's make memories for cold, winter days.
I close eyes to soak up this feeling. His hand sneaks down to my thigh, and - there we go, I'm turned on. Go ahead, Chan, ignite the flame in me and turn it into a bonfire.
