Where's the moon to my sun?

5.

Ishan yawned, finally closing his book. He stretched his arms, eyes going to the digital clock on his bedside table. 12:57.

"It's late," He mumbled to himself as he got up from his study table.

It has been a week since he came back to India and the college work was starting to wear down on his shoulder. However, he felt happy, mostly because his friends were there with him and he was starting to make more; like his housemates. He was getting along with Abhishek and Shubman pretty well. They were quite nice and fun people.

Ishan decided to go to the rooftop for some fresh air since he wasn't feeling sleepy anyway. As he made his way up, his brows furrowed, noticing someone else there, sitting down on the roof while leaning against the ceiling.

"Seems like I'm not the only nishachar in here," Ishan mumbled, walking closer to the guy.

Shubman opened his eyes at the voice, startled, "Oh, hey, Ishan. What are you doing here?"

Ishan took a seat beside him, leaning back onto the railing as well, "Just here for some fresh air, what about you?"

Shubman sighed, "Aise hi, I couldn't sleep,"

Ishan frowned, tilting his head to look at the man, "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Mujhe kya hoga?" Shubman mumbled, giving him a small smile.

Ishan looked at him for a second. Yeah, he's definitely not fine. It seemed very evident to Ishan, it felt like anxiety was radiating from the man's every single nerve, even his smile seemed forced, not the usual dimpled smile filled with mirth, that has the power to light up the whole room. His whole aura felt extremely saddening, eyes dazed and unfocused, aimlessly staring at nowhere in particular.

"Shubman, I'm not really asking you the standard question of 'how are you?' that you are supposed to reply with 'I'm fine, thank you.' I'm asking for an honest answer," Ishan mumbled softly, giving Shubman a reassuring smile, maybe hoping to convey that he can talk to him.

Shubman shook his head, "Don't worry, I'm seriously okay,"

Ishan sighed softly, turning his gaze to stare at the dark and cloudy sky, "You know, it might not automatically solve everything but sometimes talking about it can atleast lighten the weight on your chest,"

Shubman looked at him, contemplating in his mind. He do want to talk about the things that is weighing his heart but he doesn't want to dump his feelings to anyone and possibly annoy them in the process. Also he hasn't known Ishan for long, they just met last week. He wouldn't want to burden a almost stranger with his issues.

It was like Ishan could literally read his mind as he said, "I know I'm almost a stranger to you and that is why you can't really burden me. And if you're worried about me judging, then don't worry, I don't judge," Ishan mumbled, turning his gaze to Shubman again with a smile, "I mean, unless you've done some serious crime,"

"You haven't done any crimes, right?" He asked, teasingly.

Shubman chuckled, shaking his head, "Of course not,"

"Oh, great, you scared me for a second," Ishan smiled and Shubman couldn't help but smile back at him genuinely.

"So, you can spill your heart to me if you want to, I'll listen," He added, "It's also fine if you don't want to talk about it, I can just keep you company till you decide to go back to your room,"

"You know how to hit the nail right on the head, don't you?" Shubman chuckled.

"I want to be a writer, dude. We have some kind of magic in our words, probably witchcraft," Ishan shrugged, smiling softly.

Shubman chuckled before quieting down for a bit, trying to sort his thoughts so he can vocalise them.

"Okay so, I am preparing for a competitive exam. The date came today, I'm just kinda worried about that," He started, sighing as he leaned back and closed his eyes, "I'm also missing my family so much,"

"Go on, I'm listening," Ishan mumbled.

Shubman smiled despite himself. It was nice to have some who will just listen. It's not like he don't have his friends but sometimes he feels really guilty talking to them about his problems, everyone have plenty on their plates already and it makes him feel like he's being a burden. He knows his friends will never think that, they love him and would always want to help him, but sometimes you just can't help the unnecessary thoughts that comes to your mind.

"I don't know, Ishan. It feels like I don't know what I'm doing, like I'm lost," He mumbled, sighing, "It's like I'm stuck, chained to a place and not being able to take a single step forward. Everyone has their life all sorted out and I don't even know what I'm doing with my life. It's like I've wasted the whole twenty two years of my life without doing anything. I don't find any purpose of my life sometimes, there's nothing to look forward to and I hate this feeling,"

"Hm," Ishan mumbled, "You know Shubman, sometimes we do feel like we're stuck and haven't moved forward at all but that's because half of the time we can't see it. Everyone knows that we are our own worst critic. I don't know you that well but in the past week I've seen you studying hard all the time, in the college and here, in the house as well,"

He gently placed a hand on the man's shoulder, meeting his gaze, "I know it's hard and sometimes we can't help but compare our life with others but everyone have different pace of moving. It doesn't matter how much progress you're making compared to someone else, what matters is that atleast you're making progress. One step is also a step after all,"

Ishan stood up, gently smiling down at the guy, "Try being not so hard on yourself. It wouldn't happen immediately but again one step is also a step," He mumbled, giving his hand to Shubman to help him up, "Now let's go and get some sleep. We have college tomorrow,"

Shubman smiled back at him, his dimples appearing as he took Ishan's help and got up.

"Thank you, Ishan," Shubman mumbled as they walked back down to their rooms.

Ishan just smiled, lightly patting his shoulder, "Good night, Shubman,"

"Good night," Shubman mumbled, walking in his room. As he lay down to sleep, he thought maybe he could try what Ishan said and not overthink too much. It's definitely not going to be easy but one step is also a step afterall.

-

Hey, people. I'm not sure if I was able to explain Shubman's feelings clearly but I tried and if you can relate, then just know that I see you and acknowledge you and your struggles. You are not alone in this. If any of you ever want to talk, I'm here. Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself the love you deserve. Take one step at a time.

Bye-bye.
Remember, you matter 💖🌌