Across the Ocean - Kyra Cooney-Cross

Chapter Twenty One - I love you okay?

The day had been one of those suffocating ones where every breath felt like a struggle. It wasn't the first time since my hospital visit that I'd felt this way, and it was nothing compared to that night I was taken in but today was particularly rough. 

The medications that were supposed to keep me stable were taking their toll, making me feel extremely tired and irritable. I tried to push through, to ignore the heaviness in my chest and the fog in my mind, but it seemed to weigh me down more with each passing hour.

By the time I retreated to the bathroom for a shower, I was spent. The warm water cascaded over me, a brief respite from the day's challenges. But even that couldn't wash away the frustration and fatigue that clung to me like a second skin.

As I reached for the shampoo, my fingers slipped on the wet bottle, sending it crashing to the floor of the shower. The impact echoed loudly in the tiled space, startling me. 

I scrambled to catch the falling bottles i'd knocked in the chaos, but in my haste, I only managed to knock the rest off the shelf, creating even more noise.

Kyra burst through the bathroom door, her face a mixture of concern and panic. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, breathless from her rush.

I reacted defensively, my nerves frayed from the day. "Obviously, I'm fine," I snapped, my tone sharper than I intended.

Her eyes widened slightly, hurt flickering across her features, but she didn't back down. Instead, she crouched down and started picking up the scattered bottles from the shower floor, careful to avoid the spray of water. 

"Don't put that one there," I snapped again, my frustration bubbling over.

Kyra paused for a moment, her jaw tightening. "I'm just trying to help," she replied, her voice firm but calm.

I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed. "I don't want your help," I yelled, my words echoing in the small space.

"Seriously, I'm doing my best with you and you're so ungrateful," Kyra shot back, her voice rising in frustration. "You're taking me for granted. A little thank you every now and then would be nice."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, piercing through my anger. Guilt gnawed at me, but I couldn't seem to stop the next words from escaping my lips. 

"Right, because I can't think of anyone but myself," I retorted bitterly, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

Kyra recoiled as if I had physically struck her, her expression a mix of hurt and disbelief. She took a step back, her shoulders slumping in defeat. 

"Because I'm insecure and needy and I talk too much and my love isn't enough," I continued, the most hurtful words she had ever spat at me coming out in a hurtful ambush.

She turned away without a word, her hand trembling as she reached for the door handle. With one last look at me, filled with sadness and disappointment, she walked out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. 

The sound ringing in my ears, and I was left standing under the cold spray of water, feeling empty and numb.

I sank down onto the shower floor, my knees pulled up to my chest. The water turned cold around me, but I barely noticed, lost in a whirlwind of emotions. 

I had lashed out at Kyra, the one person who had been by my side through it all, who had seen me at my lowest and still stayed. And I had used her own words in our breakup against her, a cruel twist of fate that left me feeling hollow.

After what felt like an eternity, I turned off the water and wrapped myself in a towel. I sat on the cold tiles, the reality of what I had done sinking in. 

Tears started to fall, silently at first, then in heaving sobs that shook my entire body. I had hurt her, deeply, and for what? Because I was too wrapped up in my own pain to see how much she was trying?

I reached for my dressing gown, wrapping it tightly around myself. The soft fabric was a small comfort against the storm of emotions inside me. The guilt and regret washed over me in waves, leaving me feeling like the person my brother always said I was:, selfish and cruel.

I knew I had to apologize, to make things right. But for now, all I could do was sit there, letting the tears fall, hoping that somehow, I could find a way to fix the mess I had made before it was too late.

I'd assumed she'd gone home, I wouldn't have blamed her too. So when I finally caught my breath and my tears finally stopped I pulled myself up and opened the door. 

As I rounded the corner, she was sitting on the couch. Knees to her chest, chin resting she was just staring out the window. She didn't even react when I knocked into the dining table. 

I approached her slowly, just standing there not sure what to do. Her breath was visible from the rise and fall from her chest, each exhale a painful reminder of the rift between us. 

"Kyra," I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion. 

She turned to me, her gaze distant, her eyes empty. A surge of despair overtook me, and I burst into uncontrollable sobs. Finally finding my voice, though unsure if my words would make any sense, I poured out everything I had been holding inside. 

"Kyra, I didn't mean it. I just can't... I just... I feel so sick, and I can't breathe, and everything is so hard. I know you're trying, but I can't see it. I can't bear it. Every time you come near me, I want you to hold me and never let go. I can't have you here if you're not going to stay. I just can't... I can't." The words tumbled out amidst tears, my pain raw and unfiltered. "It just hurts so much," I cried, my eyes clenched shut against the overwhelming emotions.

I gasped for air, the sharp intake stinging my throat, my heart pinching painfully. Clutching my chest, my knees buckled slightly. 

Through my haze of tears and anguish, I barely registered Kyra's urgent voice breaking through, "Calm down! You're going to have a fit." 

I struggled to hear her, drowning in my own anguish. 

"Just breathe," her voice was desperate.

Her hands gently cupping my face, her thumb brushing over my tear-streaked cheek. 

"I love you, okay? I'm sorry. I love you. Just breathe." Her words pierced through the turmoil, tentative hope mingling with the ache in my heart.

Reluctantly, I allowed myself to feel her embrace, her arms encircling me in warmth and security. Gradually, the storm inside me began to quiet. Minutes passed, and my breathing steadying against her steady heartbeat.

Finally, I pulled away, meeting her eyes which were now puffy and red.

"I love you, okay? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things," she murmured, her voice thick with emotion. 

I shook my head, tears still streaming down my face. 

"We'll be okay. It'll be okay," her voice almost a whisper.

A single tear escaped from Kyra's eye as she hugged me again, this time more gently, more lovingly. 

In that embrace, all the walls that had built by her between us crumbled away, leaving us together. I finally felt whole again.

Night came and I finally fell asleep in my bed, for the first time since I was home I laid feeling safe. My head against Kyra's chest her arm slung under my neck. Every now and then my breath would hitch and my body shuttered causing me to shift and her arm would grip closer, and she'd groan. 

"I love you" a mumble I'd never forget.