Chapters of a teenage girl

I am

I am the beginning

Of something
NEW and BRIGHT!!!
Like a doll you had just paid for

I am the beginning

Of a newfound relationship
The honeymoon stage
The love
The ache

I am the beginning

Of life and death
Wishing I was dead
Wanting to be alive
Such a lonely place

                          I am in the middle

Of my families fights
Pointing fingers at everyone
Claiming I'm innocent
While I'm wearing my mothers ring

                        I am in the middle

Of the blood soaked bathtub
The way I gushed ever so beautifully
I'd look so pretty with blood on my hands
If you'd let me get close to my wrists
The dress you loved
Stained with scarlet red
While I sit in the bathtub
Giggling instead

                         I am in the middle

Of a silent staring contest
Not knowing who shall win
One with beautiful eyes
The others soul is dead
Too beautiful for their own good
Too dead to notice

                        I am in the middle

Of something violent
Something my father would approve of
My mother would feel nothing but hatred
She'll yell
Telling me I'm too young to talk about death
I am too tired for this conversation
It would be late at night
And she would hate me
None of us know the difference of me and my father
So I talk about death
Because I am his daughter

                                                         I am the end

Of my bloodline
Kissing boys
Wanting girls I cannot have
Nobody will understand
I flaunt my sexuality
Telling everyone I like girls and men
But it still feels sinful
Like I am doing something wrong
Even though god made me this way

                                                         I am the end

Of the movie credits
Where everyone gets a notice
While I stand, wondering where my name is
I will never belong
Even in the scenes
I'll play a big role in the movie made about me
Still
I will never get noticed
The main character
Gets put as a side character
Needing more time in the film
But nobody wants that

                                                         I am the end

Of your favored memory
Taking a trip down memory lane
Remembering how I fell
Laughing and smelling the nostalgia
Nostalgia follows me like a lost puppy
I pick it up
It bites me
I put it down
And it continues to walk with me
I do not understand
I've trained my nostalgia better
But it still bites
Every time it bites
I want to end it

                                                         I am the end

Of myself
I am scared of dying by someone else's hands
But when I think about myself
I feel better
I feel safe knowing it will be my hands that will kill me
It will be my choice to die
Not theirs
My life has been stolen by many people
I am the beginning of my own life
But my parents and god started it for me
I am the middle of it
But I stay alive to my make my family proud
Sometimes living with the fear of being the family's disappointment
Means you don't live at all
I no longer get a choice in what to do
The only thing in my hands is my life
And choose to end it

I am my own ending