Forever With Me

Chapter 9 ~ Too Far

Chapter 9 ~ Too Far

All I can really remember is waking up in the same room looking up at the pale green wall above me when I calmly move my head from the pillow I was sleeping on I see justin looking at me with his big brown eyes starling at me he quietly says to me " can we go for a walk ? " I just say " sure " and get up from the bed and grab my red converse shoes that's was tucked away in the corner of the room from last night, Justin grasped my hand as he runs with me out the door, I get kind of scared because is don't really know what's going on , justin keeps running until we reach his back door out to the balcony of the house, he looks at me with calm eyes and a sweet smile and I look back at his nervously and say " what's going on " he says " I'm sorry I just wanted to talk you seemed like you have a lot on your mind and I want to talk to you " I walk with him up the hollow street as the sun starts to go down , we walk for a little while and he finally says something about the awkward silence

" this kind of reminds me of when we meet as cheesy as that sounds "

I just look at him and laugh as I pull my hair from my face because of the wind

" how ? "

He looks at me with a grin and says

" well because the sun was like this when we meet "

I just laugh and keep walking as I say

" where are we going anyways ? "

" just down here where I love to go to get my mind off of all the shit I put up with sometimes "

We keep walking until we go up a hill, in my mind I know I have been here before I just can't remember when. As we are just about to reach the top of the grassy hill justin says

" wait a second " and holds me back with a smile

" what Justin? " I struggle playfully as I try to break free of his arms hunching my back for going

" nope you gotta close your eyes!! "

I just laugh as he pulls me over his shoulder and starts running down the hill with me laughing and having a good time, as he puts me down I shove him and I look In front of me to see the exact swings where we first meet , I look at him and smile as he does back , we both sit next to each other and start to swing as I remember there is a reason he brought me here

" oh yeah what did u want to talk about again ? "

Justin looks at me suddenly as he says

" umm why didn't you tell me you had ... "

As he hesitates to say the word I say

" cancer "

" yeah .. That "

I wait a couple seconds to answer

" I guess I just , didn't want anyone to know "

We both keep swinging as Justin suddenly gets up from the his swings and stands in from of my swing at stops me from swinging as the slummy dirt at the bottom of my feet turn to dust in the air I say

" what are you doing "

He looks at me almost nervously and says

" I have to tell you how I feel , the truth is I really like you , a lot you are unlike any other girl I have been friends with you are real and I love that "

As I sit there in silence in disbelief that this is actually happening h comes closer to me , so close that I can feel his breathing on my cheek when I say

" I'm so I just can't do this "

As I get up from the swim and walk away fast with my hood up and my sleeve of my sweater covering my hands and crying a little from the pressure of that situation

Of course justin runs after me and tells me to wait , I stand there like a hot mess as he says

" I am so sorry I didn't mean for the to happen "

" it's okay you didn't know and it's not just you it's everything else going on too "

We stand there in silence just over the hill where the swings are as I break the silence

" umm I'm just going to go back to your house if that's okay "

He looks at me and says " yeah sure I will be there in a minute "

I turn away and walk to the house with tears rolling down my face from humiliation and embarrassment with thoughts running through my head going " I should of just let it happen , I should of just let him kiss me "

As I walk into the house and take off my shoes I instantly go to " my room " and just sit on the bed not knowing what to do with my life next