Bloodcurse

Desire

(This chapter is written from Adam's perspective. Enjoy! Also, let me know if you like the changing perspectives. Thank you <3)

He loves me.

He... loves me.

When you get to be almost thirty years old, it's inevitable that you find people along the way who grow to care about you. If you get to keep those connections, now that is another question. Being what I am, having lived through the experience of wanting to murder and devour every breathing thing that comes near me, I can safely say that I rest easier at night knowing I didn't stay with the people who loved me once. There are many advantages this genetic mutation brings with it - exceptional hearing and eyesight, a form of telepathy, a much lower risk of catching diseases, very extensive periods of feeling satiated when our needs are met, elevated pain tolerance...

In many ways, being a vampire is a blessing. The downsides to this life may be few and far in between, but once you've encountered one, it will stick with you for the rest of your days. My worst experience was having to leave Seth behind. Knowing him, I am not surprised at all that he's taken my explanation for disappearing at face value. My brother is the most innocent, wonderful, trusting person in the world, even though life has knocked him down more times than I am willing to count. But he won't understand until he feels the hunger himself. There is nothing like it, and nothing that could prepare you for it.

My second worst experience was meeting Grayson. From the moment I first saw him enter our joint classroom, I knew I had to stay away from him. His blood smelled sweet, like... warm cookies and lemonade. It was almost irresistible. I was only a child then, and far from developing the thirst of an adult, but this rattled me immensely. I had never met someone I've wanted to have so badly. It took all my strength not to tackle him right then and there.

Over the course of the next few years, dealing with this unruly desire became marginally easier. I kept my distance, but I couldn't help watching him from afar. Not one day passed without me wondering what it would feel like to plunge my teeth into his wrists, his neck, his thighs... I felt like a disgusting predator, but the more I tried to ignore him, the more intense my bloodlust became.

By the time we were fourteen, I didn't have the discipline to stay away anymore. To this day, I'm ashamed of befriending him, but being close to him was an ecstasy that quickly became addictive. I had to spend as much time with him as possible, and there was nothing I could do about it. His scent was like a drug to me. It was around this time I picked up smoking to mask my sense of smell, my sense of taste... it helped a little, but there aren't enough cigarettes in the world to cover a scent so intoxicating. As we grew older, I realized that it wasn't just his blood I wanted.

The clearest way to signal someone you are not interested is to entangle yourself with someone else - and so I did. Angeline was terrific: highly intelligent, ambitious, beautiful and humble. But she wasn't him. In fact, I have never felt the explicit need to be with anyone, regardless of who they were... except for Gray. When attraction mixes with the inherent urges of a vampire, things tend to get... messy.

During the weeks leading up to my nineteenth birthday, things took a turn for the worse. My thirst became so bad that I had to break things off with Angeline, even though she wasn't nearly as enticing as the one I really wanted. Once my absent father traveled across half the world to find me, I knew this was a deadly serious situation for everyone around me. I let him take me away, lock me up until I learned the importance of control and abstinence.

'You must not get attached to regular people; especially if you care about them.'

That's what Dad told me, and I've lived by that rule ever since. It's a lonely existence, but bearable. Mostly, I interact with others like us, but we've become a rare breed. Whenever I found someone like me, I tried to feel the things I once felt, but I couldn't. It was infuriating. I was desperately in love with someone who didn't share my desire for blood, and there was no way I could ever be with him. At one point, I thought the only thing I could do to rid myself of these feelings was to die. But I couldn't. I always knew the day would come when Seth needed me to do for him what Dad has done for me, and until I was sure my little brother was safe, I was not going to leave this earth. No matter how hopeless, tired and depressed I became, I was not going to hurt Seth. Not any more than I had to when I disappeared from his life.