Langour ・❥・Joost Klein・❥・

14.

Fenne almost had a cigarette. After the rollercoaster of a set and the backstage events, Fenne felt like she needed something to bring down her blood pressure. She had an alcoholic ginger beer, but it had done nothing.

She eyed the pack in Nathan's hands and watched everyone take their share. Her lingering stare and quiet plea caught the man's attention and he held the pack out to her with raised eyebrows.

'You can have one,' he encouraged, his tone soft and unjudging. The others passed around the lighter and Joost watched silently, looking back and forth between Nathan and the girl beside him.

'No, Fenne, you don't want one,' Joost put his hand over the pack and nudged it away. He had pulled on a button-up shirt and wore it open, still too hot to endure suitable clothing. His hair hung down the sides of his head, and as he took a drag, Fenne mustered an offended look.

She was prepared to establish her views on men speaking for women when it came to 'unlady-like' habits. With her arms crossed and ready to argue, Fenne was about to take the pack from Nathan just to make a point.

'And don't start. If you're not sure if you want to, then you don't. Smoking's shit and I don't want you starting just because you're around me.'

'It's not just because of you-'

'I know, but it's one thing I wish I never started. So, if you're not absolutely certain, then don't.'

Fenne pressed her lips together. She wanted to be angry at Joost's solid stance on her wanting to try. She had tattoos and drank alcohol, why was a cigarette where Joost drew the line? He smoked, his friends all smoked, a majority of Europe smoked; it was unfair.

'He's right, Fenne. I wish I hadn't started,' Apson added, flicking the ash end.

'Me, neither,' Teun chimed.

She eyed all of the faces that looked like they enjoyed their cigarettes. But under it all, once the high wore off, they would feel disgusting. They only did it for the relief, and no matter how cool it looked, or how badly Fenne wanted to fit in, it wasn't worth it.

Her argument fizzled and her tense shoulders sagged. Fenne looked away from the group, embarrassed. She wished Hanna was here so that she could crack some joke and distract everyone. But while she was being berated by a doctor back in Amsterdam, Fenne was forced to stay in the circle and wipe subconsciously at her nose.

'Hey, don't be like that,' Joost pulled Fenne into his side. 'I'm sorry. Maybe on your birthday you can share one with me.'

'Good luck with that one,' Stuntje snickered. 'You don't share well, Joost.'

'Not with any of you bastards. With Fenne, I would.'

A collective groan sounded and Fenne felt the awkward air drift away. Against Joost's side, she felt silly for wanting to argue and wrapped her arms around his middle. He looked down as his friends entered light conversation and smiled.

The festival continued a few metres away while they stood outside the gate. A security guard waited to let them back in and with drinks in hand, the Joost Klein team stood in a cloud of smoke. The music would continue into the late evening but they were exhausted. They had done a great deal of preparation and packing away equipment, so they were ready to head out of Biddinghuizen to beat the traffic.

'So... boyfriend girlfriend?' he murmured against her hair. Even though she had been sweating throughout the day, Fenne still smelt like comfort and home.

Fenne pulled back to look up at Joost. He blinked, wondering if he had assumed too early. The adrenaline that had made him lift the girl into his arms and plant a kiss on her lips had left him useless. He had been functioning off the performance and multiple energy drinks, until now, Joost fell back into self-doubt and his inexperience with the romantics.