Langour ・❥・Joost Klein・❥・

51.

Being in a seaside town made the air thick and humid in May. The summer seemed to kick in quicker in Sweden and the nights were still. The sound of the waves crashed over the Scandanavian buildings, promising for a warm swim if anyone were to dare go to the beach at night.

When Fenne stepped out of the bar, she was thankful for the quiet. It wasn't packed inside but the lack of air-conditioning and cooking smells made it feel crowded. It didn't help that their table was silent as they watched the Eurovision final. Feeling suffocated, Fenne chose the smell of cigarettes over her uncomfortable lonesome in the booth.

What could Fenne say? What could possibly make the man who squatted on the sidewalk feel better? Was she prepared to suffer whatever emotions Joost would express?

He had gripped her tightly when he returned from the EBU meeting. With a wet shoulder, Fenne had been spared Joost's tears. His pink glasses had fallen down her back once his face made contact but Fenne never had the chance to see his bloodshot eyes and sniffling nose. Joost had been quick to embrace Stuntje afterwards, before moving to Apson, Teun, Nathan and even to Hanna.

Picking up his glasses, the pink sheen was all Fenne could see before Joost headed out the back for their cigarette.

But now, as Joost had his second smoke, Fenne feared the inevitable.

Leaning back against a lamppost, Fenne stared at the opposite building. Her mind raced with the past week, reliving every high and the bitter low. She couldn't imagine what Joost was feeling.

'Aggu called me,' he mumbled. 'So did Nanda.'

'What did they say?'

'I didn't answer.'

Joost took a drag in the pause between them. His chin rested on the arm that sat on his knees while the other hung over the top. He had swapped out his sunglasses for his thick frames and had taken off his button-up shirt and blue felt pants. In a zipped up jacket and his baggy jeans, Joost was back in his usual attire. His suit was left in a pile back at the hotel, having been thrown off and left unhung by Fenne's choice.

'They booed at the announcement,' Fenne said, having watched Joost's timeslot on Hanna's phone. The EBU had the nerve to play Europapa's music video in place of his performance and it earnt the crowd's vocal displeasure. It was almost as loud as the boos Eden Golan received, which Fenne had seen on a fan's TikTok account.

'I don't care.'

Fenne's head snapped to her left as Joost straightened up from his crouch. She watched as he finished his cigarette before flicking it into the road. It was left to burn against the tar.

'You do care-'

'No. I don't,' Joost cut her off with a shake of his head. He was yet to meet her eye and Fenne was beginning to wish he would.

'I tried. I tried really fucking hard. But hey,' he shrugged his shoulders. 'I lost. I should have known it was going to happen.'

'Don't be like that, Joost,' Fenne leaned around to try and see his face, but Joost turned away and went to head back inside. She reached out and took his bicep, stopping him with another call of his name. He stopped, letting Fenne pull him back but kept his head hanging.

It pained to Fenne to hear him talk so nonchalantly. He was too quiet, too docile for her. She wanted him to be lively and smiling like he was always was.

She loved his smile so much. It was the first thing she noticed about Joost back in highschool and her heart raced every time she saw it. Without it, Joost was wooden and stoic.

To hear Joost say he was fine was prolonging the time it would take for him to smile again, because it didn't take a genius to know that he was not fine.